We have been doing this with Kai since he was quite young, perhaps since he was four years old. Back then, he never questioned anything. Of course, for a long time, he was not capable of asking questions, but even after he was, he did not seem curious about why we were there.
At that point, we had not yet explained to him his family history, and he did not seem to pick up on any clues about it. He did not question why his grandparents were Caucasian when me and my wife were Asian. And at the cemetery, he did not seem to notice that the last name on the gravestone matched that of his grandparents.
But he always enjoyed going to there to plant flowers. Any reason to play with dirt was good with him.
In the past few years, though, as we have talked to him about his family, he seems to understand why we go there. And he seems more curious, asking the kind of questions that kids ask, I guess.
"Where is he buried?"
"Who dug the hole?"
"How deep was it?"
And he was very eager to help with the planting. He dug holes, placed the small plants in, and compacted the dirt around them the way I showed him.
And though we did not talk about it, I think my wife was thinking that her late husband would be very happy that Kai was there helping to plant the flowers, and that he was growing up to be a fine boy.
I had never known that people could actually plant flowers on a gravesite. It is a good idea, and I think it eases the pain of the memory of the passed by associating something beautiful with death. It is good that Kai realizes that because people are no longer physically there that they are not necessarily forgotten.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if planting flowers is allowed at all cemeteries, but it is at this one. I agree that it is good for Kai to experience all this.
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