The Biggest Day of Our Lives

It’s the day that I have been dreaming about, and working toward, for the past two decades. My son is off to college.

And yet, it is not a day of just pure joy that I had been envisioning all these years.

We have been in Austin, Texas this week to move Kai into his own apartment. He is entering a comprehensive program for young adults with autism that provides supports for independent living, social skills, and academic support. Kai will live in his own apartment, be responsible for cooking his meals, keeping his apartment clean, and paying his bills with the support of the program staff.

I think that parents of all special needs kids constantly worry about what happens when we are unable to care for our kids any longer. If it were up to Kai, he would live with us forever, but we know how important it is to prepare him for the time when we won’t be able to support him. And as long as Kai lived at home, despite our efforts, it would be too easy for him to avoid being truly independent.

And so we have been looking for options for Kai to move away from home while learning to be independent and being supported.

The program we found in Austin seems perfect for Kai. They provide the supports he will need while providing him the experiences to be independent. The hook to get Kai to agree to make the big move is that he will get to take classes in video game development at the local community college in Austin.

So why aren’t I overjoyed about reaching this huge milestone? Worries. Doubts about whether Kai will really be able to succeed.

I think that parents of typical kids are pretty sure that their kids will get through college; certainly the odds are in their favor. But the odds have never been with Kai. That he got this far is amazing, however there is still a lot of doubt as to how independent Kai can be.

I’ve also felt frustration that I wasn’t able to get Kai more prepared for this huge life change… it feels like we ran out of time and he still has so much to learn.

The last several months, especially, has been difficult. A lot of it probably has to do with the anxiety Kai has naturally felt over such a big change coming in his life. But whatever it was, I felt like I wasn’t getting through to him any more.

Since we have arrived in Austin several days ago, Kai has been a mix of being excited and overwhelmed. The blur of activities from shopping at IKEA, Target and grocery stores to setting up his apartment to going to orientation activities, and even having to get a required meningitis vaccination has seemingly been too much for Kai. He has curled up in his new bed while I put together the IKEA furniture and Mom sets up his apartment.

But we have also seen him happy to meet his fellow new students. He likes the staff of his new program. I think that a part of him is looking forward to being rid of his annoying parents, ha.

I hope that his hearing different voices now, more patient ones than mine, will have a positive impact on Kai.

This program is our best hope for Kai’s future. We hope that he will gain the skills and confidence he needs to live on his own.

The first few weeks will likely be the hardest. Ready or not, here we go.