“That’s Impossible!”

We use a Point Store as extra incentive for our son. Kai earns points for specified good behavior, which he can then exchange for items ‘on sale’ in the store.

We occasionally vary the achievements for which he can earn points, but currently the primary ways are through his behavior in school as measured by his school’s daily point sheet, and for going through the night without knocking on our bedroom door.

Sleeping has always been an issue for Kai. We still haven’t figured out how to get him to consistently sleep through the night, but we are trying to get him to be more independent when he wakes up. If he can keep from knocking on Mom and Dad’s bedroom door, he can earn 200 points.

We did start using a white noise machine after we got back from our Spring Break vacation. And along with the ear plugs, Kai does seem to be sleeping better. It’s not perfect, but the ‘sleep machine’ as we call it, seems to have a positive psychological effect on him, in addition to blocking out extraneous sounds.

This past week, though, we had some major storms in our area. And so Kai was more anxious than usual. The sleep machine blocked out most of the noise, but Kai still heard the thunder. He had a lot of difficulty sleeping and woke us up two nights in a row.

He had had his eye on a particular prize in our Point Store, and was hoping to earn enough points for it by the end of the week. But on Friday morning, he realized that because he woke us those two nights, he would fall ten points short, even if he scored in the 90s at school that day (which is very good for him).

He was not happy.

He begged Mom for a chance to earn an extra ten points. My wife agreed to think of something he could do.

I stepped in and said that we shouldn’t give him the extra points. My wife said that it wouldn’t be “giving” it to him; he would have to earn it. But I argued that creating a new goal just because he had fallen short on the original ones would be almost the same as giving it to him.

My son was not happy with that decision.

He said he really can’t sleep when it’s stormy.

We explained to him that he doesn’t he has to wake us up when he can’t sleep.

And besides, it’s not even about just that. He had other opportunities to earn points up until then. For instance, he could have a better day at school just a couple days earlier when a mediocre day cost him 100 points.

I told him that he could earn more points the next night if he did not knock on our door. He said that he would not be able to do it if it stormed.

In that case, he would have to wait until Monday to earn more points through his behavior at school.

He did not like the thought of waiting a whole three more days.

There actually was one other way he could earn the points that very day. I hadn’t mentioned it because I thought the chance of it occurring was very slim.

I told Kai that he would have more than enough points for his prize if he attained 100% on his school’s point sheet that day as we give a bonus for such a rare accomplishment.

“That’s impossible!” he declared.

In my heart, I thought that was probably true. But I couldn’t let him know that.

I told him that if he tried very hard, he could earn his 100%. Kai did not believe it.

“Dad, I am really mad at you!”

I then had to leave for work, leaving my wife to deal with a very upset boy.

I had quite a busy day at work, but I often thought of my wife and son and worried how the day was going for them. It is fine in theory for me to set a tough standard, but during the week, my wife is the one who is with Kai more often and has to deal with the consequences.

When I got home, I wondered what sort of mood everyone would be in.

My wife called out to Kai.

“Dad’s home. Come show him your point sheet.”

Huh?!?

Kai didn’t come over. I walked over to the family room where he was engrossed in a new toy.

What’s this?

Kai started chattering what the toy was.

My wife called from the kitchen and again asked Kai to how me his point sheet.

He finally brought me over to the kitchen and showed me his point sheet.

“I got 100% today.”

And so he did.



Sometimes the impossible happens.

100!

My son’s school sends home a “point sheet” every day that shows how his behavior was during school. Kai is scored on ten criteria which include things like follows direction, stays on task, accepts feedback, and respect for adults, peers and property. During each of his ten periods at school, he can earn one point for each of the ten criteria he does well. So, the highest possible score for a day is 100.

We’re pretty happy if he scores 90 or more. He’s seldom gotten more than 95 because he often loses points for not staying on task or not following directions. When he has a major incident that involves unsafe behavior such as biting or hitting, his scores are usually much lower as he loses points in a lot of different areas, particularly those involving respect for others.

Last week, my wife promised Kai that if he got a 100, he would get a “special prize.” Kai was really excited about the thought of a special prize and set himself a goal to get it. I was glad to see him motivated, though I did not think that he would be able to get 100 points, at least not for now.

I was wrong.

On Wednesday of last week, he was bursting with excitement when he got home from school. He could not wait for us to open his backpack and look at the point sheet. We took it out and, there it was, all 10s every period with a total score of 100. We could hardly believe our eyes. 100! He stayed on task and followed directions every period, and had safe behaviors all day. Hurray! That fact that it happened on a Wednesday, the day where he has to go last for lunch and PE, made it all the more impressive. We gave him huge hugs and many high fives. The look on his face was priceless, as he was beaming with pride.

Of course, he asked for his special prize. Mom brought out an inexpensive little game that you would find at a dollar store. It teaches kids about different coins and how to count money. Most of it was way too easy for him so it didn’t hold his interest for too long. But, he didn’t seem disappointed. I think it’s because he knew that his real prize was in knowing that he did really well and accomplished his goal to get a 100.

I could end here, but there is more. He followed up his 100 last Wednesday with a 98.5 on Thursday. Then, this week, after the 3-day weekend, he got another 100 to start the school week on Tuesday. That earned him another prize, this time a computer game that teaches kids how to type. (My wife found it for just $4 at a store that sells used books and software.) To top it all off, yesterday, he got his third 100. That makes three 100s and a 98.5 in the last six school days.

It was just over a week ago that I thought getting a 100 was not possible. Now, he’s gotten three of them. At this rate, my wife will soon be all out of cheap prizes. We may have to raise the bar on his prizes.

My son has amazed me once again. And that is the best prize of all.