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Showing posts with label car. Show all posts
Showing posts with label car. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Surviving a Seven-Year-Old Back Seat Driver
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Thursday, January 27, 2011
Speed Limits Revisited
My son has taken a renewed interest in speed limit signs.
A few months ago, I wrote how my wife pointed out a speed limit sign on the road they travel to Kai’s karate class. Kai has a lot of anxiety about being late to places so he is always telling us to drive very fast no matter where we go. On that occasion, my wife pointed out a speed limit sign to explain why she could not go as fast as he wanted her to. He seemed settled by that explanation. For a few days.
But, it wasn’t too long before he had forgotten about speed limits and was again berating us for driving too slowly. Tuesdays are particularly difficult as the time between his swim lesson and karate class is short, so he is especially stressed out.
This past Tuesday, as my wife was trying to get Kai over to his karate class on time, the flashing lights of a police car came up behind her. She was pulled over for speeding.
I’ve often imagined what it might be like if I were to ever be pulled over by a police officer while Kai was in the car. I could easily picture a situation where Kai would be very upset and start yelling at the officer that I was “mean” or a “bad driver.” It’s not farfetched to think that he would say these things to a police officer as he says things like that to us quite frequently when he is frustrated. I imagined being hauled off to jail as I futilely tried to explain the situation.
But, on this occasion, my wife reported that Kai stayed quiet while the officer spoke with her. The officer let her off with a warning that will turn into a ticket if she is caught speeding again within twelve months.
After the officer left, my wife explained to Kai why they were pulled over. She was speeding, she said, and that is against the law. He cannot yell at her to drive faster anymore, she told him. He understood, he said.
The next day, as they were driving to his after-school activity, Kai helpfully pointed out every speed limit sign that they passed. When I say “helpfully,” of course I mean “enough to drive you crazy.”
"It’s 35 now, Mom.” “You have to slow down to 30.” “Go 55.” “Watch out; it’s 25."
So now, in place of the back-seat driver that he used to be, we have a back-seat cop. Hmmm, I guess that is an improvement.
A few months ago, I wrote how my wife pointed out a speed limit sign on the road they travel to Kai’s karate class. Kai has a lot of anxiety about being late to places so he is always telling us to drive very fast no matter where we go. On that occasion, my wife pointed out a speed limit sign to explain why she could not go as fast as he wanted her to. He seemed settled by that explanation. For a few days.
But, it wasn’t too long before he had forgotten about speed limits and was again berating us for driving too slowly. Tuesdays are particularly difficult as the time between his swim lesson and karate class is short, so he is especially stressed out.
This past Tuesday, as my wife was trying to get Kai over to his karate class on time, the flashing lights of a police car came up behind her. She was pulled over for speeding.I’ve often imagined what it might be like if I were to ever be pulled over by a police officer while Kai was in the car. I could easily picture a situation where Kai would be very upset and start yelling at the officer that I was “mean” or a “bad driver.” It’s not farfetched to think that he would say these things to a police officer as he says things like that to us quite frequently when he is frustrated. I imagined being hauled off to jail as I futilely tried to explain the situation.
But, on this occasion, my wife reported that Kai stayed quiet while the officer spoke with her. The officer let her off with a warning that will turn into a ticket if she is caught speeding again within twelve months.
After the officer left, my wife explained to Kai why they were pulled over. She was speeding, she said, and that is against the law. He cannot yell at her to drive faster anymore, she told him. He understood, he said.
The next day, as they were driving to his after-school activity, Kai helpfully pointed out every speed limit sign that they passed. When I say “helpfully,” of course I mean “enough to drive you crazy.”
"It’s 35 now, Mom.” “You have to slow down to 30.” “Go 55.” “Watch out; it’s 25."
So now, in place of the back-seat driver that he used to be, we have a back-seat cop. Hmmm, I guess that is an improvement.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
More Stress in the Car
This week, I had several “opportunities” to be in the car with my son. While we’ve had a few successes in trying to deal with his back seat driving, being in the car with Kai can still be stressful at times.
The other day, I picked him up after school to take him to his weekly swim lesson, followed by driving him over to his karate class.
His swim instructor arrived a few minutes late. He also must have felt a little bad about canceling last week’s lesson as he asked if he could keep Kai a little longer than usual. The result was a really great lesson – for the first time without wearing a noodle and using a kickboard, Kai swam a little bit with his face in the water and did a good job with his breathing. But, it also meant that we left the pool too late to get to the karate class on time.
Punctuality is vital to Kai and he always has anxiety about being late. So, during the entire drive, he was constantly berating me, saying “You’re a bad driver, Daddy.” I tried to explain that we were going to be late because we left the pool late, and there was nothing I could do, but that we wouldn’t be more than a few minutes late. Such reasoning doesn’t yet appear to have much impact on him, as he responded, “You need to practice your driving more.”
The bright side is that at least the anxiety about being late took his mind off the tightness of his seat belt.
This afternoon, we’re driving up to Wisconsin for our periodic visit with his DAN (Defeat Autism Now!) doctor. In the meantime, if anybody needs me, I’ll be working on my lotus position.
The other day, I picked him up after school to take him to his weekly swim lesson, followed by driving him over to his karate class.
His swim instructor arrived a few minutes late. He also must have felt a little bad about canceling last week’s lesson as he asked if he could keep Kai a little longer than usual. The result was a really great lesson – for the first time without wearing a noodle and using a kickboard, Kai swam a little bit with his face in the water and did a good job with his breathing. But, it also meant that we left the pool too late to get to the karate class on time.
Punctuality is vital to Kai and he always has anxiety about being late. So, during the entire drive, he was constantly berating me, saying “You’re a bad driver, Daddy.” I tried to explain that we were going to be late because we left the pool late, and there was nothing I could do, but that we wouldn’t be more than a few minutes late. Such reasoning doesn’t yet appear to have much impact on him, as he responded, “You need to practice your driving more.”
The bright side is that at least the anxiety about being late took his mind off the tightness of his seat belt.
This afternoon, we’re driving up to Wisconsin for our periodic visit with his DAN (Defeat Autism Now!) doctor. In the meantime, if anybody needs me, I’ll be working on my lotus position.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Slowly Obeying Another Rule in the Car
I’ve talked before about my son’s backseat driving in the car. Well, things are about to go to a whole new level.
Kai has discovered the speedometer.
My intrepid wife is usually the one who drives our son to his various therapies, karate class, swim lesson, and doctor visits. The drive from his swim lesson to karate class is particularly tough because the time in between is short. Since Kai always has anxiety about being late, this drive can bring out the worst of his backseat driving.
This week was not any different. Fearing that he would be late to karate, Kai implored Mom to drive faster. My wife pointed out the speed limit sign and told Kai that she could not go faster because you have to obey the speed limit rules.
Now, my son is a stickler for rules. I think that many kids with autism see things in black and white, which, when it comes to sticking to the rules, is generally a good thing. He knows that he will be held to the rules, and expects others to as well. He sometimes will talk about another child at school who did not obey a rule and received a time out. At home, if I raise my voice, he will tell me that I am breaking the rule about not shouting.
So, on this occasion in the car, he seemed satisfied with having to obey the speed limit and was quiet for the rest of the drive to karate class.
On the way home, while driving along the same road as before, Kai spoke up. “Mom, you’re going too fast. The speed limit is 35 and you are going 40.” Uh, oh.
Busted.
We want our son to obey rules. So, how do we explain about speed limits?
“Well, I know the sign says the limit is 55, but that means that you can go 60.” “I know you are supposed to obey all rules, but it is okay to not obey this one.”
Nah, I’m even having trouble with that one.
So, it looks like we will be driving a little slower from now on. I guess I will have to get more comfortable in the right lane of the interstate highways..
But, what I want to know is, how can I put a dimmer on the speedometer?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Rules in the Car Apply to All
When you live in a large metropolitan area like we do, you spend a lot of time waiting in the car. That is not a good thing when you have a boy who hates waiting as much as our son does.
As I’ve mentioned before, Kai’s anxiety surges whenever we are stuck in traffic, and he becomes the worst backseat driver you can imagine. He is constantly yelling at us to change lanes or go in a different direction. When we mentioned this to our son’s social worker at school, she came up with a suggestion for us – keep a visual reminder in the car of what Kai should not do, and along with that, a list of suggestions of things he can do instead.
With nothing else working, we decided it was worth a try. We create a laminated sheet that described two very simple rules for the car:
Instead, I can:
We have tried this for a week now and have found that keeping these Car Rules handy has been helpful. When Kai has started to get upset, we showed him the rules and he quieted down right away. Sometimes he will choose one of the alternatives listed, but sometimes he will say that he doesn’t want to do any of those but will just be quiet.
The other day, my wife reported that she was driving with Kai in an area that had road construction. Traffic came to a stop when a construction vehicle blocked the road. It eventually moved off toward the side of the road, giving cars enough room to go around it. However, the car in front did not proceed. My wife and Kai waited. The car still did not go. They waited some more. Still no movement. Finally, it was too much to bear.
For my wife.
In a voice that was loud enough for Kai to hear, she said that the driver of the car in front should just go around the truck as there was plenty of room. Kai responded, “Mom, rule number two is ‘do not tell the driver how to drive or where to go.’”
Busted.
Now, it wasn’t all that long ago that it was easy to think that Kai was not listening to us because we rarely got a response from him. These days, we have come to realize that he listens much more than we used to think, even when it appears like he is not paying attention.
So, we are going to have to be more careful of the things we say. But, you know what? It is nice to know that he is not preoccupied in his own world. And that he was able to calmly engage with Mom while patiently waiting in traffic.
Now that is the kind of backseat driving we will gladly tolerate.
As I’ve mentioned before, Kai’s anxiety surges whenever we are stuck in traffic, and he becomes the worst backseat driver you can imagine. He is constantly yelling at us to change lanes or go in a different direction. When we mentioned this to our son’s social worker at school, she came up with a suggestion for us – keep a visual reminder in the car of what Kai should not do, and along with that, a list of suggestions of things he can do instead.
With nothing else working, we decided it was worth a try. We create a laminated sheet that described two very simple rules for the car:
- No shouting, yelling, or screaming
- Do not tell the driver how to drive or where to go
Instead, I can:
- Sing along with the music
- Chew on my bracelet
- Count how long the light signal is red
- Write on my magic board
- Ask for gum
We have tried this for a week now and have found that keeping these Car Rules handy has been helpful. When Kai has started to get upset, we showed him the rules and he quieted down right away. Sometimes he will choose one of the alternatives listed, but sometimes he will say that he doesn’t want to do any of those but will just be quiet.
The other day, my wife reported that she was driving with Kai in an area that had road construction. Traffic came to a stop when a construction vehicle blocked the road. It eventually moved off toward the side of the road, giving cars enough room to go around it. However, the car in front did not proceed. My wife and Kai waited. The car still did not go. They waited some more. Still no movement. Finally, it was too much to bear.
For my wife.
In a voice that was loud enough for Kai to hear, she said that the driver of the car in front should just go around the truck as there was plenty of room. Kai responded, “Mom, rule number two is ‘do not tell the driver how to drive or where to go.’”
Busted.
Now, it wasn’t all that long ago that it was easy to think that Kai was not listening to us because we rarely got a response from him. These days, we have come to realize that he listens much more than we used to think, even when it appears like he is not paying attention.
So, we are going to have to be more careful of the things we say. But, you know what? It is nice to know that he is not preoccupied in his own world. And that he was able to calmly engage with Mom while patiently waiting in traffic.
Now that is the kind of backseat driving we will gladly tolerate.
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