Passover and Easter

We had to get up at 4AM to catch our flight out of Florida on Saturday morning. It wasn't ideal to fly that early, but as we used frequent flyer miles to book our travel, we didn't have any choice. Along with having to fly to Newark to catch a connecting flight back home, it made for a long day and we were very tired when we got home.

My wife and I were thinking we could take it easy the rest of the day, but Kai said he wanted to celebrate Passover. We were planning on just skipping it this year, but as Kai really wanted to celebrate the holiday, my wife went to the store and got a few things for a mini Seder.

She prepared brisket and fried up some potato pancakes.

Then, Kai led us through the steps for the Seder.

It wasn't really the same without our Jewish relatives here to celebrate with us this year, but I'm glad we kept the tradition going.

Today, of course, was Easter, and we celebrated that as well.

I think Kai was a bit disappointed that the Easter bunny did not leave him candy or toys. But as he does not eat Easter candy anyway, and he is getting too old to really believe in the Easter bunny, we skipped that part of the tradition.

We did, however, color eggs.

Hope your Passover or Easter was nice as well.

Happy Passover

Celebrating Passover is one of Kai’s favorite family traditions. I think it’s the result of the rituals that he has come to know and love, and because he gets to see his grandparents who shower him with love.

He was ready to begin the activities as soon as our guests arrived.

Here you see him setting up the Seder plate.

And when we sat down at the table, Kai eagerly followed along, or in some cases led us through the Haggadah. There was no skipping any steps with him.

He took center stage when it came time to read about the 10 plagues. Kai was ready with his paper-bag hand puppets that he had made a couple of years ago.

In the background of the following picture, you can see that it was a snowy evening more appropriate for Hanukkah than for Passover.

When it was time to eat, Kai sat at the table nicely, even without his iPad. And then he waited patiently while we adults finished eating before he went on to step 14, searching for the afikoman.

It is no longer a surprise for us when Kai behaves well and has great interactions with his relatives. We have come to expect it.

But it is still something we appreciate greatly.

Happy Pesach, everyone!

Passover Seder

We had Kai’s grandparents over for Passover Seder yesterday.

Kai looks forward to all holidays, but this is one of his favorites. I like that he so enjoys a holiday that is not dominated by gifts. His love of this occasion is for the rituals, and spending cherished time with family.

He was very excited when his grandparents arrived. After enthusiastically greeting them, he ran to get his magnetic Hebrew alphabet characters.

Then he wanted to help Bubbe set up the Seder plate.

The first couple years we celebrated Passover, Kai had a wide-eyed fascination with all of the rituals of the Seder. Now, he is so familiar with them, and looks forward with anticipation.

In previous years, Bubbe explained to Kai the different parts of the Seder plate. This year Kai was telling her what needed to go on the plate. He wasn’t so much helping as he was directing and doing.



Papa asked Kai if he would assist while Papa led the Seder. Kai agreed.

But when we got started, Kai kind of took over, reading the Haggadah and going through all the steps.

He directed us to have the first glass of wine, or cup of grape juice in our case.



He pointed out the parts of the Seder plate.



He really enjoyed dipping the parsley in salt water.



When he got to the Ten Plagues, he was ready with the finger and hand puppets that he had from previous years.



We had dinner, and then it was time to find the afikoman. Usually an adult usually does that while the kids compete to find it for a reward. But this time Kai wanted to hide it. And when Papa found it, he got the reward of a big hug from Kai.



Aside from all the Seder rituals, what I enjoyed the most was seeing Kai interact with his grandparents. He is recognizing his grandfather’s humor more and more. I remember when Kai was younger, Kai would have a puzzled expression on his face and we would have to explain that Papa was kidding. These days he is likely to laugh and say, “No, Papa. You’re joking.”

And so we had a wonderful Passover. Hopefully you had a nice one, too.

Passover and Easter

Friday night, there were a few times when Kai wanted to take over his grandfather’s role in leading the Seder. The next day, he asked when he would be able to lead it. I told him that when he was grown up and had his own family, he could be in charge of the Seder.

He did not want to wait that long.

At lunchtime, he wanted to repeat the Seder, this time with him in charge. And so we did.

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A few years ago, we took Kai to our local Park District’s Easter Egg Hunt. It wasn’t much of a “hunt” as all the plastic eggs were distributed in plain sight in a big open field. When the signal was given, the throng of kids stormed the field and grabbed all the eggs they could. It was an Egg Grab more than an Egg Hunt.

At that time, Kai was still more in his own world. He did not communicate much. He did not listen to commands well. So, when the other kids started running onto the field and going for the eggs, Kai did not move. Mom had to take him by the hand and pull him onto the field. And when they were in the field, it was all she could do to get him to pick up a few eggs before the other kids grabbed them all.

We did not go to the big Easter egg hunts in the years after that.

But, this year, Kai saw a poster for the event the other day and said he wanted to go. With a bit of trepidation, I took him yesterday morning.

This time he waited patiently for the signal. And when it was given, he ran amidst the huge throng of kids and had no problem quickly filling my hat with ten eggs. (I had forgotten to take an Easter basket with us).

He has changed so much since that last egg hunt, and it was a joy to see.

Kai could have easily gotten a lot more eggs. But he had heard the announcement that each child was limited to ten, and he obeyed the rules. I was disappointed when we saw other kids with a lot more than ten eggs. I had to praise him for following the rules, even as he said that next time he would go for more.

In the afternoon, it was time to color eggs. Kai looks forward to it, and had a hard time waiting until we were all ready. But once he had colored about eight or nine eggs, he had had enough and it was up to my wife and I to finish coloring the three dozen eggs we had.

But it was a fun time.

This morning, Kai looked forward to seeing what the Easter Bunny brought. He enjoyed his Easter basket somewhat, but as he doesn’t eat chocolate or most candy, the Easter treats are not all that exciting for him.

It looks like a nice day out. We hope you are enjoying your Easter Sunday.

Our Passover

As expected, our son’s excitement over Passover increased as the week went on.

Yesterday morning, as soon as he awoke, Kai wanted to read his book on the history of the alphabet. I think he thought of it on this morning because the Hebrew alphabet is an early precursor to our modern alphabet. After we read the book, Kai got his set of magnetic Hebrew letters and brought them to the breakfast table.

There, Kai reminded us that as it was Passover, we could not eat regular bread, and that we had to have unleavened bread instead. He was in great spirits throughout breakfast with his Hebrew letters, gluten-free matzo, and his favorite children’s dvd about Passover.

After breakfast, he finished making a set of the Ten Plagues hand puppets. He is getting quite good at crafts, doing most of this on his own.

Of course, the highlight of the day was going over to his uncle and aunt’s house for the Seder.

Kai was really revved up, sometimes just a tad too much as he almost tried to take over leading the Seder from his grandfather at times. But mostly he followed along nicely, and was very cute with his enthusiasm.

Here he is with Mom drinking the first cup of wine (grape juice)…

He also read very nicely his part of the Four Questions.

And, when we got to the part about the Ten Plagues, Kai was ready to demo them all with his hand puppets.

It was a very nice ceremony and the food was wonderful.

Perhaps the most interesting part came afterward. Kai’s young cousins, ages 9 and 11, invited him to play a game of Mousetrap, which they knew he liked. When they spoke to him, he answered. They actually had bits of back-and-forth conversation. It wasn’t the same as the conversation the two cousins had between them, but it was a giant leap from his abilities to converse with kids before.

Today, our Passover celebration continues. Kai enjoyed it so much that he wants to do the Seder one more time. This one will be just ourselves at lunchtime.

Then, on to coloring Easter eggs!

Getting Excited for the Passover Seder

Passover doesn’t seem like the kind of holiday that would excite most kids. But, for our son, it is a glorious time.

This week’s column in the Patch takes a look at Kai’s excitement over Passover Seders. Click here to read all about it.

Passover, Pac-Man, Progress

Our son had a wonderful time at the family Seder last night.

Things got off to a good start when Kai thanked his Aunt Karolyn for inviting him. That he said it clearly enough for her to hear and understand him was especially nice. Things like that may be something that parents of typical kids can take for granted (then again, maybe not), but we really notice when Kai communicates well with others. He also happily greeted the other family members.

He couldn’t wait to get started with the Seder. I was a bit relieved to see the same Haggadah booklets on the table that he was familiar with from last year, the one that takes you through the Seder in 20 easy steps. I had some anxiety about Kai getting upset if a different booklet did not lay things out the exact same way.

As we got started, the other kids, and the adults, too, for that matter, wanted to go straight to step #16 – eating dinner. But, Kai, of course, was happy to go through all of the steps.

We took turns reading the Haggadah. Some of the steps were written in both Hebrew and English, though most of us read only the English parts. But when it was Kai’s turn to read the Four Questions, he insisted on reading both in English and Hebrew (which was shown in both Hebrew and Roman characters). I won’t vouch for his pronunciation, but his effort was outstanding.

When step #10, the Ten Plagues, was completed, Kai began singing Dayenu, the traditional song of Passover, which was step #11. The rest of us were happy to have that be a solo, and let Kai go on with his enthusiastic version.

He enjoyed eating his gluten-free matzo, and the charoset was his favorite food. As we settled into dinner, Kai was behaving remarkably well.

But, for my wife and I, no matter how well our son is behaving at the moment, we always have an inner nervousness that things will change. When Kai finished his meal before anyone else, my nervousness rose.

We hadn’t brought our portable dvd player or Kai’s element cards or anything else to keep him entertained. Being done with dinner, he said he wanted to watch tv. The television had been on when we arrived, but it was turned off when we began the Seder.

We told Kai that he would have to ask Aunt Karolyn if he could watch tv. She explained to him that it would stay off until everyone was finished with dinner but then he could watch. I was surprised that Kai seemed okay with that. A couple times he came back to the dinner table to check to see how much longer it would be before everyone was done eating, but he didn’t hover like a waiter who is hoping to turn over a table.

When dinner was over, he politely asked for the television to be turned on. Though, he really didn’t watch much of it. He was more interested in taking turns playing games on his cousin’s iPhone and iPod.

This boy, who hates to wait, waited nicely for his turn while his cousins played. This boy, who usually doesn’t want to play electronic games, as he prefers to watch Mom or Dad play instead, wanted to play the games on the iPod.

He was especially enthralled with Pac-Man. I hadn’t played Pac-Man since I was in college but it was funny to see that it was still addictively fun for this new generation of kids.

After that, it was time to leave. We all had had a wonderful time.

Later in the evening, my wife recalled how Kai had behaved when we had gone to Karolyn’s house for Passover when he was four years old. He couldn’t be left alone for one second. He didn’t interact with anyone. He wouldn’t be happy unless he was watching a dvd.

And, so, we realize that, despite our day-to-day frustrations, he has come a long way. He is making a lot of progress.

The word "Dayenu" means approximately "it would have been enough for us.” Having a pleasant evening with family would have been enough for us. Seeing our son’s remarkable progress makes us have even greater appreciation.

Anticipating Passover

You can get a good idea of what our weekend was like by seeing the books and dvd my son picked out at the library this weekend:

• The Elements: Hydrogen 
• A Child's Picture Hebrew Dictionary 
• A Seder 
• Chanuka and Passover at Bubbe's (DVD)

The upcoming arrival of Passover had Kai excited all weekend. He was still into the elements, but, for one weekend, his passions were shared with thoughts of Passover.

Last year was the first time that he understood, at least a little bit, of what a Seder is about. He was enthralled with the entire ritual. I think he was hooked from the time he saw Bubbe’s booklet that gave the “20 easy steps” for a family Seder. The Seder plate, with its six symbolic foods, also fascinated him.

We are not able to make it to Bubbe’s house this year so she sent us her Seder plate, the booklets, and the toy representation of the ten plagues.

From our Saturday trip to the library, Kai was revved up about Passover once again. He spent much of the weekend watching and re-watching the dvd where muppet-like characters learn about Passover. He insisted that either Mom or I sit with him so that he could teach us about Passover, too.

On Sunday morning, he told Mom that he wanted to go to the grocery store so that he could help her buy the foods for the Seder plate. When they got back, he wanted to set up the plate and eat some of the food. I tried to tell him that it wouldn’t be Passover until Monday night, but eventually decided that there was no harm in letting him try some of the foods ahead of time. Of course, being Kai, he spent much of the rest of the day asking us over and over which item on the Seder plate is our favorite.

This was to be the first Seder that we would do on our own, which we likely would not have planned if not for Kai’s passionate interest. My wife was happy to have found all of the necessary food items, including gluten-free matzos. Later, however, we got a call from Kai’s aunt, inviting us over. It will be nice to celebrate this holiday with family beyond our immediate small group.

Last night, after Kai went to bed, my wife and I were discussing our son’s interest in Passover. It doesn’t seem like the kind of holiday that would excite most kids. There are no presents like Christmas or Hanukkah or birthdays. There is no dressing up and collecting candy like with Halloween. There are no parades or fireworks like the Fourth of July.

But, for Kai, it is glorious.

There are numbers: 4 cups of wine (or grape juice, as the case may be); 10 plagues; 4 questions.

There is the order of the Seder plate with each item in its proper place.

There is structure in the ceremony, from the drinking of the wine, to dipping a vegetable in salt water, to reading the text of the Haggadah.

And there is the story behind all of it, the freeing of the Jews from slavery in ancient Egypt. The muppet version, at least, is so fascinating for Kai.

And so, I realize, that if my son does not become a scientist, perhaps his calling is as a rabbi.

Happy Pesach, everyone.

Holiday Milestone Shows Progress in Journey from Autism

L'shanah tovah to all of our family and friends that celebrate Rosh Hashanah.  We had an early Rosh Hashanah celebration this weekend at Bubbe and Papa’s house, and it reminded me of the Passover Seder we had there this spring.

We have gone to Seders before, but Kai was too young to be interested in the ceremonial aspects, and too picky an eater to care much for the food.  But, this year, he was aware that Passover was coming up and wanted to celebrate it.

For a while there, it looked like we would be out of luck, as we knew no one who was planning on having one.  But, when Bubbe heard that Kai was interested, she threw one together for us.

She had booklets for everyone that presented the Seder in 20 steps.  As you’ll recall, Kai loves numbers so anything that has numbered steps is a big hit with him.  From the time the candles were lit in step one, he was sitting with rapt attention.  As we went through step by step, he got more and more excited. 

He liked that he got to drink a little cup of wine, (ahem, cranberry juice) four different times, and had fun with the kids’ set of representations of the Ten Plagues that Bubbe got for him.  He also had fun searching for the afikoman (and we used gluten-free crackers for matzo). 

But, he also listened respectfully during the various blessings that were given.  And, he helped ask the Four Questions.  I don’t know how much he understood about the symbolism of the different elements of the Seder plate, but by the end of the evening, he knew what each element was. 

And, when it came time to sing Dayenu, Kai led the way, boisterously singing the chorus. 

He enjoyed the Seder so much, he wanted to do it again the next night.  And so, we did. 

Holidays are a good occasion to note the progress in your child’s development. Coming only once a year, it is easier to compare the change from the previous year than on ordinary days.  This Passover was unlike any other before, and showed that Kai has made great progress on his exodus from the effects of autism.