On weekends or school holidays, I am patient and gently encourage Kai to eat. Over quite a long period of time, he will often eat most or all of what I think he should eat. School days, however, are a completely different story.
With the clock ticking away, there is only a limited amount of time to get him to eat something before the cab comes to take him to school. I’m usually pretty adamant (i.e. stubborn) that Kai eat something, and the gentle, patient approach does not seem to work well when time is of the essence, Sometimes I will raise my voice or threaten to take away a preferred item or activity (“No video after school!”) in order to get him to eat.
Before I became a dad, I admired the fathers I had known who never seemed to raise their voices with their kids. They were able to get their kids to behave nicely without ever shouting at them. That’s the kind of dad I wanted to be. So, I feel a little disappointed in myself every time I fail in that way.
A few days ago, we had a particularly rough morning. Kai was even more stubborn than usual about not wanting to eat, and I was likewise stubborn that he would. As the standoff heightened, he told me, “I don’t want to be your dad anymore!” meaning, I think, that he didn’t want me to be his dad anymore.
Despite his feelings toward me, I somehow managed to get him to eat a bit of his breakfast before the cab came.
But, I was still a bit upset with him, and myself, as I prepared to walk him out to the driveway where his cab was waiting. Just before we walked out the door, Kai turned toward me, gave me a big hug and said, “I love you anyway, Dad.”
I shook my head in a combination of wonder and disbelief. This sweet boy had melted my heart once again.
“I love you, too, Kai,” I told him as I returned his big hug.
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