An Early Hanukkah Celebration

Socializing with others remains a challenge for Kai. At school, we're told that he prefers to sit by himself at lunchtime and usually prefers not to interact with the other kids, even when the staff tries to facilitate. He has said that he wants to use those occasions as breaks for himself whereas interacting with others adds to his stress.

But with his family coming over this past Saturday evening for an early Hanukkah celebration, we encouraged Kai to talk with everyone and to play with his cousins. We did not want him to be alone on his iPad all evening.

We were happy to see that he not only made an attempt, but actually enjoyed playing with his cousins.

Here he is partaking in the annual dreidel game with his cousins. He enjoyed the game and came away the big winner.

After dinner, we got him to play some Wii Sports Resort games with his cousins. He was very involved even when it wasn't his turn to play. Watching them play, you likely wouldn't be able to easily tell that he usually has big challenges with socializing.

And then it was time to open presents. My favorite part was when he showed heartfelt thanks without his mom or me having to prompt him.

Here he is with his grandfather.

And with here with Bubbe, who along with Papa gave him a bunch of Mario and other plushes.

And so it was a good evening in many ways. It was nice for all of us to get together, and a good time was had by all. But it was especially nice that Kai fit right in.

Holiday Fun

It has been a busy few weeks with numerous holiday activities.

We had two family get-togethers for Hanukkah so Kai has already enjoyed opening and playing with several presents.

We went to get our Christmas tree.

We baked and decorated gingerbread cookies.

And several of our holiday houseguests have arrived (with more yet to come).

Merry Christmas, everyone!

A Belated Hanukkah Celebration, and Other Good Things

Our weekend started off with some good news when Kai came home from school Friday afternoon with two certificates from his school. He had been awarded Student of the Week, and received his Safe Month Award for going the entire month of November without a major incident.

The safe months have been few and far between so that was particularly nice. Let’s see if he can put together two in a row for the first time.


We were out of town for Thanksgiving when Hanukkah arrived this year so we had a belated family celebration this weekend.

My wife was busy much of Saturday preparing the brisket, kugel, latkes, and other goodies. Kai and I helped. I fried up some of the latkes and tried to keep up with washing the bowls, pots and pans. Kai helped slice up the mushrooms that were to be sautéed.

Kai was excited, as he usually is when we have family gatherings. But it was nice that he was not overly rambunctious this time.

It was very important to him, thought, that he told everyone the schedule for the evening as soon as they arrived.

He kicked off the evening playing a few songs on the piano. He wanted to get that over with as he was nervous about forgetting his songs if he had to wait until after dinner. He then invited his cousins to play (keyboard and flute).

Next, he helped Mom light the menorah. Yes, we know in reality Hanukkah was over, but we thought it was okay as he really wanted to do it.

Then we had dinner. In the past, Kai would eat quickly and then pester everyone that it was time to open presents. But this year he was surprisingly patient. He still was the first one to finish eating, but he waited nicely while the rest of us continued eating and talking. When all of us had finished our meals, he came over an asked if it was time to open presents. He did not make a fuss when we told him that we wanted to chat a few minutes more.

Of course, he was happy when we finally gave the go-ahead to open presents. But I was pleased that he seemed a bit less frantic and greedy as he did so, and took the time to look at the presents he opened instead of rushing on to rip open the next one.

After that, Kai was on his iPad most of the time playing an app that went with a new game he had gotten. That gave us adults a chance to relax and engage in conversation. For my wife and I, it felt strangely normal, something we were not used to at all.


The next day, we got our first measureable snow of the season. Kai and I took advantage by going sledding.

We have a nice sledding hill nearby, but it has been a few years since we’ve sledded there. The last time we tried, Kai was very scared to go down and it was a traumatic time – for me, at least. Ever since, Kai has always insisted on going to the far smaller hill down the street instead.

But last winter we had told him that it would be the last time we would sled down the baby hill. He was too big for that. So he’s had about nine months to mentally prepare himself to go down the big hill again. But I was still surprised yesterday when he readily agreed without a protest.

It turned out to be perfect conditions for sledding. And I’m not talking about the snow. There was no one else on the hill so we could sled down without worry about running into anyone else.

We went down quite fast, certainly faster than on that old baby hill. It was bumpy but Kai loved it!

We went down several more times, pausing only to catch snowflakes in our mouths.

So, this weekend, we had a boy who wasn’t anxious in a situation that normally makes him so. One who was properly excited but unusually patient in another occasion. And who celebrated a good week and month of school.

All that, and good times with family, too.

Yes, it was a very nice weekend.

“Dad, Am I Doing Good?”

We traveled out east for our annual Thanksgiving visit with my sister and her family.

Kai always enjoys the trip and looks forward to repeating the same activities that he did in the past. I thought that re-doing the same things he did before might be a symptom of his autism, but my now grown-up nephews reminded me that they, too, had their favorite activities that they had to do each time they visited me when they were kids.

One of Kai’s favorite activities is having his uncle chase him around and then tickle him. Uncle Frankie playfully warns Kai, “You’re dead meat!” before going after him. This year, Kai requested the attack, calling out, “Dead meat me, Uncle Frankie!”

Another favorite activity is playing with my nephews’ Nerf guns. After all, nothing says Thanksgiving like Nerf guns.

On this Thanksgiving morning, he kept asking his nephews what time they would break out the Nerf toys. As they would be busy helping with the dinner preparations, they did not respond with a specific time. And that led to Kai repeatedly asking his question. I finally suggested that they tell him when they would play or he would drive us all crazy with his questions.

And when the Nerfs came out, Kai enjoyed them like he always does.

This is one of the extremely rare years where Hanukkah overlaps with Thanksgiving. Kai wanted to celebrate Hanukkah so we introduced the menorah lighting ceremony to my sister’s family.

And afterward, Kai wanted to play the dreidel game with his cousins. In fact, we did that every evening that we were there.

On our road trip last summer, we had an incentive plan where Kai could earn new videos to watch in the car if we behaved well that day. He asked that we repeat that incentive.

At Thanksgiving dinner, he would have to sit at the table without his iPad, and try the different dishes without complaint. He did very well, and enjoyed the feast.

However, he did drive us a bit crazy when he kept asking, “Dad, am I doing good?”

Yes, Kai, you’re doing well, I reassured him.

Though when he kept asking that question over and over, or when he repeatedly asked about the Nerf guns, I told him that he was getting a bit annoying and that he shouldn’t keep asking the same question again and again.

Overall, though, Kai did very well.

We noticed that Kai’s language continues to improve and he generated a few chuckles with his comments.

For instance, when finding some startling information on the iPad, he declared, “OMG!”

And he was remarkably patient at restaurants we stopped at on the way to and from my sister’s house. My dad is a very slow eater, which meant that Kai had to wait long for him to finish eating. In the past, my wife and I had to chow down quickly as Kai insisted on leaving the restaurant as soon as he was done eating. So it was amazing that he could be so tolerant about waiting now.

Nerf guns, good food, a great time with family, and a boy who continues to improve.

Yes, we have a lot to be thankful for.

The Best Hanukkah

Saturday was the eighth and final day of Hanukkah, but we started the afternoon off by going to buy our Christmas tree. The rest of our afternoon was busy preparing for the Hanukkah celebration we were hosting that evening. Such is the life of a family that celebrates both holidays.

Kai had been looking forward to Hanukkah for the past few weeks. Sometimes it seemed it was just for all the presents he would receive, but I think he really enjoys seeing his grandparents, cousins, uncle and aunt. He asked if his cousins Lucy and Peter were coming, and when I told him that they were, he was very happy.

My wife recruited Kai to help with some of the preparations. He and I hung the ‘Happy Hanukkah’ banner. Well, at least he watched me put it up. But he did join me in peeling carrots. He reminded us that he had done this before when his grandmother in Ohio had him help her in the kitchen last summer. He also told us that Uncle Frankie would be proud of him as he told Kai to help out Mom in the kitchen.

All was going well until Kai hurt his thumb while trying to peel a potato. My wife put a bandaid on it but Kai complained that it still hurt. I explained that a bandaid only stops bleeding, and his thumb was not bleeding, but it does not make the pain go away. He did not like that explanation and insisted that Mom put on another bandaid. She ended up putting three on that non-bleeding thumb. But that did not soothe Kai and he said that he wanted to cancel the party. Eventually, my wife couldn’t take any more of his loud complaints and sent him to his room.

I felt sorry for Kai; I’m sure he was in pain. But we had potatoes to peel and latkes to make and we were already running late. Neither my wife nor I had time to give Kai any more attention.

After awhile, he returned to the kitchen, and asked if someone would come up to his room with him. He really just wanted some attention. When I finally finished peeling the potatoes, I went up to his room while my wife completed the rest of the prep by herself.

By the time our first guest arrived, Kai was calm, the painful thumb was forgotten, and he was excited about the party. My wife and I still had to change clothes, but that was a small price for a happy child.

After that bit of a rocky afternoon, I was kind of worried about how Kai would do during the party. So I was relieved – no, correct that – I was amazed at how things went that night.

Kai negotiated the schedule with his grandfather, and then announced it to everyone. First, we would light the menorah. Then, have dinner. After dinner he and his cousins would give a concert. And then they would open presents.

Kai sang along softly as his aunt lit the candles on the menorah.

He ate his dinner nicely.

And then it was time to perform. All week, when my wife was trying to get Kai to practice his piece on the piano, he goofed off and frustrated her to no end. But on this night, he played as well as I’ve ever heard him play.

He also watched attentively while his cousins play percussion and flute.

Of course he was most excited it was time to open presents. He seemed to know that he would be getting Legos, and was happy to see the great sets he got.

When someone suggested that it was time for dessert, Kai declared that they would play with their presents for ten more minutes first. And when someone jokingly tried to change the schedule, Kai said “No, no, no. It’s my party” and let them know that he was in charge. Well, why not? He pretty much was.

After dessert, he wanted to play the dreidel game. And kept pestering people until Bubbe and I and one of his cousins agreed to play with him.

As the party seemed to lull, he asked his cousins to play with his new Weird and Wacky Contraption with him. And that got everyone involved and the fun picked up again.

As everyone was getting ready to leave, his uncle complimented him for “running a tight ship.”

I feel like I’m too tired and not explaining this well. But, just know that on that evening, if you did not know that Kai had autism, you would not have been able to tell.

He spoke a lot, and most appropriately. His language was wonderful.

Hanukkah is really for children. But seeing and hearing Kai’s interaction that night was truly a gift for me and my wife.


We send our belated Hanukkah greetings to Kai’s longtime speech therapist Alyson, without whom all this would not have been possible. And congrats on your recent marriage, too, Alyson!

Quick Recap of the Weekend

Hanukkah started this weekend and Christmas will soon be here. My wife and I both feel like we have way too much to do and not enough time to do it. How I wish I had followed my blog friend Betsy’s lead in starting planning for Christmas back in October. Anyway, this will be just a short post on our weekend.

We won’t have our family Hanukkah gathering until next weekend, but we did light the candles on our menorah the first two nights. Kai is looking forward to the presents, and seeing everyone, too!

We are also counting down to Christmas. Well, Kai is counting down with his Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar. Every morning, the first thing he wants to do after he gets up is to see what the model-of-the-day is, and to build it right away. This morning’s figure was an AT-AT Walker from The Empire Strikes Back.

We were all in a grocery store yesterday when Kai saw coconuts for sale. He always takes an interest in fruits and vegetables that we have never had before. So, this time he wanted to bring him a coconut.

As a kid, I remember seeing my dad climb a tree in Hawaii and knock down some coconuts for us to eat. But I don’t remember cutting one open myself.

It was a once in a lifetime experience. Which means, it was such a pain to take out the juice, open the coconut, and cut out the edible parts that I never want to do it again.

But Kai really enjoyed the whole process, and he liked drinking the juice and eating the fruit as well.

Morn than a year ago, Kai’s grandfather in Japan brought over a Japanese marble race toy for Kai. Kai had seen Japanese videos of elaborate setups where one marble would run into something that would set off another chain of events. The toy he got was a bit difficult, even for adults, and Kai did not show a whole lot of interest in playing with it after Jiji returned to Japan.

But this weekend, he pulled it off the shelf and started building with it. He wanted me to join him, but he was the one who came up with the ideas of what to make. It was nice to see, as with Legos he usually just sticks to following instructions instead of coming up with his own creations.

And while we did not build anything too elaborate, it was great that Kai showed interest. Yes, at times like these, I can see that he is maturing.

Happy Hanukkah!

Holiday Recap

As anticipated, our weekend was eventful.

On Friday evening, we had our Hanukkah celebration. Kai was really revved up for it, perhaps a bit too much. He was very happy to see all of our guests. But he also had a hard time waiting to open his presents.

I recall that last year he was amazingly patient. This year, not so much.

From the time the first guests arrived, he was asking to open the presents. We explained that we would have dinner first, light the menorah, and he and his cousins would play their musical instruments. He did not like that plan, and whined quite a bit, but was happy when it was finally time to open presents.

Kai has gotten Ugly Dolls for Hanukkah, Christmas, and birthdays for a few years now, so it is something he looks forward to getting. During much of the year, he ignores his collection, but from a few weeks before the holiday, he starts going online and checking out what dolls he might get. He was expecting to receive some for Hanukkah, and was not disappointed.

He also wanted to get some Basher books, from the series of science books with cute illustrations that makes science more fun for kids. Kai already had the books on the Periodic Table and Biology, and added to his collection with The Human Body, and Algebra & Geometry.

There were other nice presents and it was a fun evening. We all had a nice time.

After our guests left, though, Kai’s mood turned angry. In the latter portion of the evening, Kai had gone off to watch a Pokémon video by himself while my wife and I played with Kai’s cousins. Whether it was the influence of the Pokémon video, jealousy because we gave his cousins attention instead of him, or just the after-effects of such a major social event, we are not sure. But he was angry the rest of the night until he fell asleep.

But all was better the next day. Well, with Kai. Mom was sick, though. Not good timing on that.

But in the evening, we were ready for Christmas. Kai put out three cookies for Santa, not just the one he originally saved.

The next morning, Kai awoke and checked out his stockings and the tree. There’s nothing like the excitement of the first look at the presents under the tree.

In the past couple of years, it took all morning for him to open his Christmas presents as he would start to play with some and not finishing opening all of them. This year, though, he mostly went through each one, opening them quickly.

I don’t know if it was because we did not have snow this year, and temperatures were in the 50s, but it somehow did not feel quite the same. Up until last Christmas, my son’s excitement for Christmas had increased every year. This year, he seemed just a touch less enthused than before. Had his Christmas glee peaked at age 6 and is already waning at age 7?

Still, we had a fun day. He got a lot of great gifts, especially from generous relatives, which we are very grateful.

And we took advantage of the warm weather for a walk at our local nature preserve. And we came back and played with many of the things he got.

Hard to believe that Christmas is already over. But the fun will carry over the rest of the week.

Celebrating Hanukkah, And Christmas, Too!

“We are one of THOSE types of families. Yes, we celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah. Well, kinda, sorta… “

Check out this week’s column in the Patch to read the rest of the story. Click here.

Atypical Toys for an Atypical Child

“With Hanukkah and Christmas soon upon us, it brings to mind that my son’s atypical interest in toys can make choosing a gift for him quite a challenge… too often we steer (relatives) toward something that we think he should play with instead of something that he actually would play with.”

Read this week’s column in the Patch for the whole story. Then add your own ideas on what to get a child who doesn’t play with the usual toys. Click here!

Reflections of Hanukkah Weekend

The birthday parties were held at fun places.  One was at the same arcade we went to a few weeks ago, and the other was at one of those places with huge inflated slides and trampolines.  Kai had a lot of fun at both places, though he was more interested in playing with Mom or Dad than with any of the other kids.  The lack of socializing with other children is an ongoing concern for us.  Can the desire to play with kids be taught? 

As the time for our Hanukkah party drew nearer, and I was trying to keep our driveway clear of snow for our guests. Kai was more interested in throwing snowballs and making a snowman.  We did manage to build a snowman, though it was more accurately described as a snow penguin this morning by one of Kai’s schoolmates that he shares a taxi with.  Kai also wanted to make an igloo.  Not being an engineer, an Eskimo, or someone with much acumen for building things, I convinced him to settle for a decent snow fort.  Though, this morning he said he wanted to “finish” our igloo later today.  I guess I’ll have to google “building an igloo” and see what I can find.

The Hanukkah party was a success on so many levels.  It is great to share such an occasion with family, and it was nice to see those we don’t get to see too often.  My wife and I are not particularly experienced with entertaining, but my wife put a lot of thought and effort into this party and it showed.  This year, for the first time, she tried making beef brisket, which is a popular Jewish holiday entrée.  She found a recipe by a Jewish grandmother on YouTube, and it really was delicious.  She gained confidence to make it again.  

Of course, being parents of a child with autism, our definition of success of a party is usually dependent on our son’s behavior.  In this regard, the party was an unqualified hit.  Kai had been looking forward to it all week, and was very excited when guests started arriving.  Often, he gets too excited and out of control, but he held it together pretty well this time.  My wife had told him that he would not get to open his Hanukkah presents unless he played the piano nicely for everyone.  In the middle of dinner, he quietly slipped away from the table and played “My Dreidel” several times.  After dinner, he played a couple of duets with Mom, and then watched attentively as his nine-year old cousin played the cello.  When she finished, he cheered enthusiastically.

After waiting so patiently to open his presents, he ripped into them quickly once we finally gave him the okay to do so.  Before you knew it, there was wrapping paper everywhere and all the gifts were revealed.  For the rest of the evening, he and the other kids played with their new toys.

One of his gifts required more setup and we did not get to it until the next day.  But, once we did, he stopped just long enough to go sledding.  After our success with summer sledding, Kai couldn’t wait to sled down the big hill with all the snow.  I was happy to see that he was not scared and we went up and down many times.

But, then it was back to his new toy.  It served as excellent motivation for dinner as I’ve never seen him eat a meal so quickly.

Hanukkah comes only once a year.  But, the impact it has on our memories is as much as most other days combined.  For us, some special occasions are satisfying if we can just breathe a sigh of relief; this time, we have a good feeling of having experienced a truly wonderful time.   

A Hanukkah “Miracle”

Hanukkah came early this year and my son was ready for it. Kai was excited as we lit the candles on the Menorah. Then, we called the grandparents to wish them a Happy Hanukkah.

Talking on the telephone is not something that comes easy for him. Having a conversation in person is hard enough many times. He often does not answer questions or is distracted and takes forever to say something. Being on the phone adds another layer of complexity.

For the longest time after Kai started to speak, we would hold the phone up to his face but have to prompt him to say even a few words. He probably could not process what he was hearing from the person on the other end of the line. Usually we would feed him the words to say and he would repeat exactly as we told him. It wasn’t really a conversation at all, but the grandparents liked hearing the sound of his voice nonetheless.

Some time over the past year, he started to speak a little more freely on the phone. He even would respond back a little bit to whomever he was speaking with. We would still need to prompt him at times, but less often than before.

Last night, we just handed him the phone and he spoke with everyone all on his own. He wished them a Happy Hanukkah and told them about the candles we lit. He even invited one grandmother over to our house for a Hanukkah party, though she lives too far away to make it.

Hanukkah celebrates the miracle which occurred in 164 B.C.E. (Before the Common Era) when one day’s amount of oil burned for eight days during the rededication of the Temple at Jerusalem. Kai’s newly developed ability to speak on the phone may not be a miracle on that level, but, for us, it is certainly something to celebrate as well.

And, we wish all of you who celebrate a Happy Hanukkah!