How Do You Explain Autism to Your Son?

Are you ready for “The Talk?”

Today’s Patch column recounts recent events that have me preparing to discuss autism with my son. Click here to read.

Am I Prepared to Talk to My Son About Autism?

On our last visit to the library, a children’s book that was displayed on the shelf caught my eye: Nathan Blows Out the Hanukkah Candles.

Hmm, that’s an amusing title, I thought. In the past, Kai has wanted to blow out the Hanukkah candles so he would probably relate. And a quick look through the book showed that it had pictures that would help to keep Kai’s interest. As Hanukkah had just begun, it was very timely. And I thought perhaps that it would help Kai learn a little more about this holiday.

So, I checked the book out and brought it home to read with Kai. And, the other night, he picked it as our bedtime story.

As I began reading, I realized that the title character was a boy with autism. I had unwittingly chosen a book that might spur a discussion with my son about autism.

The story is told from the perspective of Jacob, the younger brother who is embarrassed by his older sibling with autism. Nathan repeats himself constantly and recites the 50 United States in alphabetical order. His mother reminds Jacob that Nathan’s brain is wired differently. But, Jacob is mortified when, in the presence of his new friend, Nathan blows out the Hanukkah candles during the menorah-lighting ceremony.

In the end, the boys’ parents deal with the situation in a patient, creative, and loving way that embraces Nathan and teaches acceptance.

It was a wonderful story.

But, I was uncomfortable reading it with Kai. We haven’t told him that he has autism. And I wasn’t sure that I was prepared to have that discussion now.

I was worried that the book would spur questions from him. Lately, he has frequently been asking me to explain what words mean. What would I say to him if he asked what ‘autism’ is? Would he know that he has autism? How would I explain that to him?

Well, for now, these are hypothetical questions. Kai did not ask any questions that night. I don’t know how much of the story he understood. I really don’t know if he noticed any resemblance between himself and Nathan. And, I was too chicken to question him about it.

So, I’ve got a little more time to think about it.

But, I know one day we will have this talk. And I’d better be prepared.

Have any of you had this talk with your kids? What did you say? How did they react? How old were they when you had the discussion? What advice do you have for other parents?