School Year Winding Down, Emphasis on Down

Our son’s fourth-grade school year is rapidly coming to an end, and with the usual end-of-year changes, along with modifications to his medication, things are not ending on a high note.

Kai’s elementary school goes from kindergarten through fifth grade. Ever since Kai has been attending, there has always been just one fifth-grade class, always with the same teacher, Ms. S. When Kai was in second grade, he went to Ms. S’s class for math, and ever since then he expected that he would be returning to her class when he was a fifth grader. (Since then, he has been taught math individually as no one else in his school has been at his level).

We recently learned that next year there will be two fifth-grade classrooms for the first time due to the larger number of kids at that level. The “other” fifth grade classroom will be taught by Ms. L. who has taught third and fourth graders previously. Kai will be in Ms. L’s classroom.

From what I can tell, Ms. L will be a fine teacher for Kai, but he was very disappointed when he heard the surprising news that he would not be in Ms. S’s class. Kai perceives Ms. L to be the teacher of younger children, and he thought it reflected poorly on him that he was chosen for this classroom. He also was upset that most of his close friends will be in the other fifth grade class. All that is on top of the fact that moving to a new class is a bit anxious for any child, and that Kai, like many kids with autism, does not take surprises well.

Yesterday he visited his new classroom for the first time. It did not go well.

We were told that Kai was very disrespectful to some of his new classmates and the teacher. It is distressing to hear that he reacted that way, and we will have to find a way to curb that type of behavior.

Aside from the stress of transitioning to a new teacher and class, this time of year is also difficult because the regular schedule is disrupted for special activities. Among them are practice sessions for an upcoming talent show (more on that in another post), as well as practices for a group performance at the end-of-year recognition ceremony.

We also recently consulted with Kai’s psychiatrist about altering his medication. He had an okay school year, but we thought it would be good to tweak his medication and see how things changed.

We cut back on one of his meds that treats ADHD and it appeared that Kai got more distracted. It was hard to get him to focus on his homework, especially. His school reported increased silliness and less concentration on schoolwork. So, we have gone back to his original dosage.

We also eliminated the small dose of risperidone that had been taking to help control his anger. We were troubled by its side effects, including weight gain and longer-term health risks. During the first couple weeks after we eliminated this drug, we noticed no difference in his anger. But now that he is having more stressful times at school, Kai’s irritability and anger is noticeably higher.

Yesterday, my wife had to go to school to bring a new shirt for Kai after he chewed up the one he was wearing. This had once been a common occurrence, but we thought we had seen the last of it after many months of no incidents like this.

And so, we will have to consider putting Kai back on the risperidone, or finding an alternative drug to try. We had hoped that Kai’s improvements were the result of therapy and maturity, but apparently the drugs were at least partly responsible as well.

School year is winding down. We need to get our boy back up on the right path.

Changes and Challenges

We arrived at Kai’s boxing class on Saturday afternoon and found some changes. They had set up for a birthday party for the son of the founder of the organization that puts on these classes.

Outdoors, next to the gym, were two large inflatables where kids could bounce and slide. Tables were set up for pizza and soft drinks. It looked like it would be a fun time.

Kai was not happy.

I had received an email the evening before letting us know that there would be a birthday party after the boxing class. I didn’t realize that it would, in reality, supplant the boxing class. I hadn’t told Kai about this change in routine and he was not happy.

He wanted to box.

For a little while, the instructor grabbed a pair of boxing gloves and had some kids work on their punches. But it was apparent that most kids just wanted to get on with the party.

I was chatting with another parent but made my way over to Kai when I saw that he maintained his angry face.

I told him he could have some pizza. He refused, saying that he wanted to destroy the party.

I tried to stay positive, talking about how the inflatables looked fun. Eventually, the lure of the pizza was too much and he said he would have a piece. One volunteer girl came over and gently teased Kai, “I thought you were going to poison all the pizza.” He said he did but then he un-poisoned it. He asked me to get him a second piece.

And then went on the inflatables. He spent most of his time on the one where you climbed up from one side, slide down the other, and then walk around to do it all over again. He was laughing and laughing, pausing occasionally only to ask the time. His soccer game was later in the afternoon and he did not want to miss it.

His boxing instructor came over when he saw Kai laughing. He asked Kai if he was having a good time, and when Kai said he was, the instructor laughed and said “I knew it!” as Kai is often prone to starting off grumpy before ending up enjoying himself there.

The birthday cake came out just when it was time to leave for the soccer game. I offered to let Kai stay and have cake, but told him that we would be late for soccer if we did. The cake looked scrumptious, but he opted to leave.

When we arrived at his special needs soccer game, we found the coach was not there. Usually this coach divides up the players with the special needs kids on one team, and some of the volunteer kids serving as the opposition team ala the Washington Generals (of Harlem Globetrotters fame). Kai likes this setup because his team scores almost all of the goals and wins every game.

This week, though, with the coach not there, another parent took charge. She divided the teams differently, with the special needs kids separated onto two teams, assisted by the volunteer kids. The special needs kids would thus play against each other.

This had been the setup in years past, but not since the current coach took over last fall. Having the special needs kids split up worked out okay before when the kids’ abilities spanned a broad spectrum. But since last fall, Kai’s abilities have stood out, as other kids of his ability dropped out, leaving only the kids requiring assistance from the volunteer kids.

How that played out this week was that Kai got upset as the other team scored goals. He particularly got angry when the parent serving as his team’s goalie made no effort to block shots from the opposing team. He came over to the sideline, dumped out his water bottle and refused to play any longer. He said he wished he stayed for the birthday cake and said he never wanted to play soccer again.

I went over to talk to him. And while I understood how he felt, I didn’t like how he handled his frustration. But then again, perhaps I didn’t handle my own frustration too well, either.

When encouraging him to go back in and play did not work, I got stern with him. I told him that he wouldn’t be able to use the iPad if he did not go back out on the field and make an effort. He finally went, but mainly to yell at the parent who was the goalie. When I yelled at him that we would go, he said that he would play nicely.

He ran after the ball, and took it away from an opposing special needs child who needs a lot of help to kick the ball. Kai dribbled all the way down the field and scored, then looked for my approval as he had played hard as I had demanded.

I was frustrated, with him, the situation, but mostly myself.

This group is really great for the other kids, but I don’t think it is right for Kai any longer. I can’t ask him to go out there and try hard, but then have the result be that he dominates the game and doesn’t give the other kids a chance to kick the ball and score. What do I tell him, play hard only if the ball happens to come your way?

Finding a special needs activity that is right for your child can be difficult. Just because an activity has a ‘special needs’ label doesn’t make it right for every child with that label.

And so I think we will stop going to this activity. I hate to end on such a sour note. But I think that will be best, both for Kai as well as the other kids.

Hole-y Earth Week T-Shirt

Our son’s school asked all students to wear green yesterday as part of the Earth Week activities they are having. The last time he wore green, for St. Patrick’s Day, Kai bit a big hole in the only green shirt he has. And so, we had to decide if we should get him a new one for Earth Week.

The truth is that we sometimes send our son to school in shirts that have holes in them. Does that make us bad parents?

When Kai gets upset, he bites. He has bitten me, but I am now pretty good at keeping his mouth away from my body. The staff at his school is, too. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t try. And, when he can’t bite people, he still wants to bite something.

It is common for kids with autism to have sensory issues. Many crave oral stimulation and end up chewing on their clothing. In my son’s case, this tendency increases when he becomes disregulated. And when he is really upset, he doesn’t just chew; he bites with such fury that he often rips a hole right through his clothes.

We try to get him to chew on other things. When he starts to get agitated, we often give him gum. They do the same at school. We also have tried various sensory chew toys. Although they can work well, you have to remember to keep them with you at all times because you never know when you will need it. And when Kai is really mad, sometimes he will just throw it back at you when you offer it to him.

Similarly, we’ve tried Chewlery® which are chewable bracelets. The idea is that he can wear it and so it will be with him whenever he has the need to chew. But, he doesn’t seem to like having it on his wrist, so he takes it off. We’ve lost so many that it just doesn’t seem worth it.

As a result, many times he ends up biting a hole in his shirt.

If we were to throw out every shirt that had a hole in it, we would be replacing his wardrobe every few weeks or so. It just is not practical. And so, he often goes to school wearing a shirt with a hole in it.

With yesterday’s ‘wear green for Earth Week’ celebration, we had to decide whether to send him to school in non-green clothing, let him wear his old green shirt with the hole in it, or get him a new one. We decided to get him a new one.

He came home with a hole in it.

As is often the case, a change in the usual schedule may have thrown him off enough to get him upset.

As part of their Earth Week activities, the entire school had gathered to watch some videos about the environment. Just as it was to start, Kai started shouting that he was hungry. It was after lunch so there really should have been no reason for him to be hungry, let alone be shouting about it. I think the disruption to his routine overwhelmed him.

Of course, the staff had to escort him away as he was disrupting the movie for everyone. And, that just made him more upset.

Whenever he has to take a timeout at school, Kai expects everything to stop for him until he can return. But, of course, it doesn’t work that way. Class goes on without him, or, in this case, the movie started without him. As he was serving out his timeout, he got furious that he was missing out on the film. And his new shirt paid the consequences.

It is now a not-so-new looking shirt with a big hole in front.

We won’t throw it away, though. Hey, it’s Earth Week. We are just doing our part to recycle.

Disruption In The School Routine

After staying home two days because he was sick, our son returned to school this morning.

Disruption with the usual routine is frequently difficult for kids on the spectrum. That is no different with Kai. He had been doing pretty well at school the past two weeks, but today seemed to have more anxiety about going back. It will only be a half day of school today, so we are hoping that he will have a good, stress-free day to get back into the school routine.

Unfortunately, toward this, we hit a little speed bump this morning.

Kai takes a taxi to school. To those of you who are unfamiliar, it may sound odd for a young child to take a cab to school. I know it sounded strange to me at first. But, when you think of it, it is not that much different than taking a school bus; it is just smaller, makes fewer stops, and picks up less kids. Kai has been sharing his cab with three or four other kids.

For as long as he has been taking a cab to school, he always sits in the same seat: second row, passenger side. Today, the driver asked that he sit in the back row.

He was not happy.

Apparently, the school or cab company or someone has issued a new rule that says boys and girls cannot sit next to each other in the cab. So, in this cab, boys will have to be in the back row and girls in the second row. I’m not sure of the need for the switch, or the importance, but that was the reason given.

Typical kids can find out about such change and easily roll with the punches. For kids like Kai, it is more like a real punch, at least in terms of his anxiety. He really resisted. And, as the driver was stressing out about being late, she relented and let Kai have his usual seat. And that will probably just make it even harder to get him to change the next time.

It sounds strange to those who are not familiar with the characteristics of kids with autism, but even a seemingly minor change like this requires a lot of proactive planning. Ideally, the school would have notified Kai, and us, ahead of time that he would need to switch seats. We, at home, would also have spoken with him and prepared him. Perhaps a social story could have been created so that he could more easily understand and visualize how things would be different.

But, those things were not done.

So, the boy who was anxious about returning to school just became a bit more anxious. And, that makes Grouchy Dad stay grouchy for a while longer.