1,000 Jack-O'-Lanterns and Other Halloween News

This year's Halloween had some good and bad moments.

On the good side, Chicago Botanic Garden had a special Halloween event last weekend.

Using scalpels, knives, gouges, and power tools, artists had carved over 1,000 pumpkins including many very large ones that weighed more than 150 pounds.

There were many different themed jack o'lanterns.

I liked the spooky ones the best.

My wife had told Kai that he could wear his Halloween costume to the event. But when we got there, we saw that no one else was in costume so Kai got a little self-conscious. He refused to wear his mask, and when we took the following picture he said, "Mom, you can wear the mask!"

It was a fun evening as we enjoyed seeing all the different designs.

Kai took many pictures with his phone and had a great time.

He later made a video using all of the pictures he took. You'll get a much better idea of all the different themes such as musicians, Chicago sports, Halloween classics, Day of the Dead, and others.



Halloween itself wasn't a complete success, though.

The days of Kai wearing cute costumes has passed and he now prefers scary ones. This year his costume was of the grim reaper, and the mask was particularly frightful as you can make simulated blood flow through. My sister and brother-in-law were in town so they accompanied Kai as he went around the neighborhood for trick-or-treating. Kai went up to younger children and deliberately frightened them, even after my sister told him not to do it anymore. It was very disappointing to hear.

Later, my wife and I expressed our disapproval for his actions, Kai was very upset the whole evening. One of the challenges with him is that too often he doesn't accept help or listen to what others (staff at school, relatives) are telling him in the moment, and then later he feels frustration with himself for not being able to stop himself from doing something that he shouldn't have done. We remind him all the time that he needs to accept help before things go too far; not sure how to make him do that in the moment.

Trick or Treat with a Friend

Next to the really big worries we have (like will Kai ever be able to get a job and live independently), one of our persistent concerns is whether Kai will be able to have a good friend as he gets older.

He has known a few kids over the years that he liked and enjoyed playing with, but his first year of middle school was a rough time. He didn't bond with any of his classmates and often said that no one liked him. While we don't always take what he says as the literal truth, in this case I suspect that what he said was largely true. Between easily getting dysregulated, inappropriately expressing his frustrations, and not taking the perspective of others, it wouldn't be surprising if it wasn't easy for the other kids to warm up to Kai.

So it was welcome news this fall when he found out that a former classmate from elementary school three years ago was going to join Kai's class. E and Kai had a great relationship when Kai was in 4th grade. They hung out together at lunch and during breaks, and we even had E over to our house for a few successful playdates. And now in middle school, it seems like they were able to renew their friendship.

Last week, though, they hit a bump in the road. Kai found out that E will be transitioning to his home school. At Kai's therapeautic school, many kids come and go, staying long enough to work on their behavioral or social issues, then transitioning to their home school when ready. For six years now, Kai seems to be the only kid who hasn't been able to transition. When Kai found out that E was transitioning, I think he was crushed. But when Kai feels this way, he doesn't allow himself to feel sad. He reacts angrily.

He told E that he wasn't his friend anymore, and E responded in kind. Kai came home from school upset that E told him that he wouldn't be Kai's friend, but we got the full story from staff later.

The school staff helped to mend the relationship just in time for the boys to keep a planned playdate for Halloween. They would go trick-or-treating together in our neighborhood.

My wife picked them up at school. E did not have a Halloween costume so my wife let him wear the old Mustard costume that Kai wore about three years ago while she dressed as Ketchup. Kai was in his zombie costume.

My wife went with them at the very beginning, snapping the following photo at the famous house down our block that does Halloween up big time.

The residents here always put up elaborate decorations, many that move and make scary sounds, and they give out quarter gallon size ziplock bags full of candy including full-size bars. Plus they serve hot chocolate for the kids, wine for grownups, and doggie treats for the furry members of the family.

After the stop at this house, my wife returned home with the dog she was watching. The two boys went around on their own. 12 year olds don't usually go trick-or-treating with their parents, but this was the first time we've let Kai go without our presence and I was a bit nervous about how he would do.

But apparently all went well.

By the time I got home from work, the boys were exhausted from walking around for most of the past three hours. They had collected a huge bag of candy each. I'm sure the bags had gotten heavy by the time they were done. Kai had gotten some good exercise in, ha!

We had dinner together and then Kai and I drove E home. E was very nice. He spoke nicely with us, answering questions and telling us about how things went. He gave us more information than we usually get from Kai. He also politely thanked us.

And so Halloween was a nice success this year.

Childhood friendships oftentimes are not long lasting. And with E getting set to leave Kai's school in the coming months, this one likely won't last all that much longer. But these friendships can serve as a learning experience, and help teach a child the social interactions that will be necessary to maintain longer-term friendships when they get older.

For us, though, it serves another purpose. Maybe, just maybe, if the right person comes along, Kai can find a good friend.

More Pumpkin Carving, and Kai's Halloween Costume

Though he carved a pumpkin on his own last weekend, Kai wanted to carve a couple more pumpkins with me.

This time we used some Angry Bird templates.

Kai carved one Angry Bird.

While I carved an Angry Bird pig character.

Here's how the pumpkins look lit up at night.

This year, Kai said that he wanted a scary costume for Halloween. He picked a scary one alright.

I guess the days of cute costumes are past.

Kai also created a special video for Halloween.



Kai said that his favourite part of the video was Mom's screams. Ha!

Have a Happy Halloween!

Kai Carving the Pumpkin

It has been our father-and-son tradition for Kai and I to carve Halloween pumpkins together. Years ago, I did all of the carving, but in the past couple of years Kai has started to carve much of the jack-o-lanterns after I got things started. This year, I had to go away for the weekend so Kai did the carving all on his own.

He even used the occasion to make one of his YouTube videos, complete with a little Kai humor.



He went on to finish up his jack-o-lantern.

The kid is growing up fast. He did a nice job all on his own.

2015 Halloween

The boy who complained about all the walking we did in Boston on our summer vacation had no issues with taking a nice long walk around our neighborhood for trick-or-treating. Even a little light rain did not dampen Kai's Halloween spirit.

Kai was dressed as Kylo Ren, who apparently will be a Darth Vader-like villain in the upcoming new Star Wars movie. He received a number of positive comments about his costume as we went around and a number of folks showed off their own Star Wars apparel to him. I hadn't thought that he particularly cared about what others thought about his Halloween costume, but he remarked that "this is the first time everyone like my costume."

Here he is in front of the house at the end of our block that famously goes all out for Halloween, not only in their decorations but in giving out big ziplock bags of goodies, and serving hot chocolate for the trick-or-treaters and wine for their parents.

After trick-or-treating, we had our usual Saturday movie night, though with a Halloween flavor. My wife added "eyes" to our pizza.

And she made some finger cookies.

And then we settled in to watch Hotel Transylvania.

A good Halloween it was. Hope yours was, too.

Old and New Traditions

We repeated a couple of Kai's favorite fall activities and added a new one this weekend.

Our public library always invites in guys from a local model railroad club to set up the Halloween Railroad. This is always one of the library's most popular events, and Kai still looks forward to seeing it. And I do, too.

* * * * *
This weekend we attended our first Chicago Blackhawks game. For those of you who are not hockey fans, the Blackhawks have become somewhat of a dynasty as they have won three out of the last six Stanley Cup championships. During their last championship run last spring, my wife became a big Blackhawk fan and watched every game with me, and even watched a couple by herself when I had to work late. So, when I suggested that maybe we could all go see a hockey game sometime, she enthusiastically replied, "Blackhawks! Yes!"

This would be Kai's first professional sports event that he would see in Chicago following three baseball games he has gone to (the one in Hiroshima, Japan last year, one in Milwaukee with his elementary school, and the one we went to at Fenway Park in Boston two months ago).

Here we are shortly after we had settled into our seats. (You can see my hand holding half of a giant Italian Sandwich).

The experience of a live sporting event is far different than watching a typical game on tv. At a Blackhawks game, the excitement builds even before the game begins. The playing of the national anthem has become a famous, boisterous tradition as fans cheer throughout and the noise level in the arena keeps rising until the anthem has ended.

Kai, however, stayed quiet during this portion and just kept his hand over his heart and took it all in.

The game itself was good. The Blackhawks mostly dominated the action but just could not score as the game remained scoreless throughout regulation. I was wondering if Kai would get bored, but he seemed to stay engaged the entire time. He always joined in when fans chanted, "Let's go Hawks!"

During breaks in the action, very loud music is blared. It was a bit too loud for my taste as it made it difficult to converse, but it didn't bother Kai and he enjoyed bopping to the music.

It was great to see him enjoy the whole experience.

The game went into overtime, and this was the first time I had seen the new three-on-three overtime rule in action. The Blackhawks scored very quickly, only 17 seconds into the extra period, to win the game.

Afterward, it took nearly an hour to get out of the parking lot so we didn't get home until nearly midnight. Between that and the cost of the tickets, I don't think this will be something we do very often. But as Kai enjoyed it so much, perhaps this is the start of a new tradition to take in a live sporting event in town every now and then.

* * * * *
This was the last full weekend that canoe rentals would be offered at Skokie Lagoons and Kai wanted to go one last time this year. It was a perfect fall day and we enjoyed a beautiful afternoon outdoors. My wife's back was aching so we put Kai up front and he and I did all of the paddling this time.

So, all in all, it was a very nice weekend. Hope yours was nice as well.

Halloween

It was a very cold Halloween, even snowing off and on for much of the day. The gray and cold portended the rough day to come.

Many kids with autism struggle when their routines are disrupted and that is certainly true with Kai. On Friday, kids got to wear their Halloween costumes to school and the class schedule was modified to accommodate a parade and other special events.

When my wife got to school for the parade, she did not see Kai in the school's weekly community meeting. It was a sure sign that there had been trouble. Kai's school therapist told her that he had had two incidents that day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. The latter one was especially severe and he was still calming down afterward.

But when it was time for the parade, he had pulled himself together enough to march with the rest of the students and collect his treats.

After school, he made two rounds of trick or treating around different parts of the neighborhood.

Kai's costume this year was a Storm Trooper from the Star Wars films. He didn't want to wear his mask as it was uncomfortable and he couldn't see well with it on.

When I got home from work shortly before the 7PM cutoff, he wanted to go out with me one more time. He didn't want to go to get more candy; he doesn't eat most of it anyway. And as it was still cold and snowy it wasn't a pleasant evening weatherwise.

But he wanted to uphold the tradition of going trick or treating with Dad. So, I grabbed the dog, a lantern, and we made one last short round.

And that was very sweet.

Halloween: Ketchup and Mustard

Kai has been really into collecting Trashies that I thought perhaps that he could be one for Halloween.

About a month ago, I googled “Trashies Halloween costume” and, well, let’s just say the results were not what I was looking for. (Though I notice today that the same search now yields a bunch of kid-appropriate results.)

We eventually found one Trash Pack costume for sale, but since it was for young kids, it would not fit Kai. So, I decided that I would make him a costume this year.

I ordered a light-weight collapsible trash can. We would make it a craft project to paint it as if it were trash-stained, and to also paint an old t-shirt.

Unfortunately, nearly four weeks later, the trash can never arrived. It is still showing as “In transit,” stuck at some UPS facility. I contacted the seller and they refunded the money rather than send out another one.

So, still without a Halloween costume for Kai and with the big day approaching, my wife went out and got a replacement:

It’s not homemade, but I have to admit that they look good together.

My wife attended the Halloween parade at school in costume.

And then they came home and did a short round of trick-or-treating in the rain.

When I got home from work, Kai was ready to go again. I don’t think he particularly cared about getting more candy – he eats hardly any of the candy he collects – he just wanted to do another round with me, which was very sweet.

And so it was my turn to be Ketchup, and we embarked just as the rain picked up again.

Three Halloweens ago, Kai was just beginning to talk more ably and it was still hit or miss whether he would say “trick-or-treat” and I constantly had to remind him to say “thank you” at each house. He did not respond when people commented about his costume.

This year, I heard him say “trick-or-treat” loudly and clearly. And I only had to remind him to say “thank you” once.

And when people remarked how great his costume was, he quickly and appropriately thanked them.

At one house, the person at the door did not see me hanging further back with the umbrella over my head. Seeing Kai as mustard, she asked what happened to ketchup. He turned around, pointed to me, and told the woman, “He’s right there.”

We probably went to less than ten houses before turning around and heading back home. It was late and the wind started picking up.

But it was plenty of time for father-and-son bonding.

And for me to notice the progress he has made with his communication and socialization.

And so, despite the rain, we had a great Halloween.

Carving a Pumpkin All by Himself

I always call my wife after I leave work to let her know which train I will be on and when I expect to be home. When we talked the other day, she told me that Kai was carving a pumpkin all by himself.

My wife had bought three smaller pumpkins to go with the big one we carved earlier. As it was Halloween week, Kai reminded her that they still needed to be carved, and volunteered to work on one himself.

My wife was very surprised that he wanted to do it. We had never let him try to carve one before.

He told her that he had carved one in school, having been taught by his OT. We don’t always have a lot of insight into what his OT at school works on with him, so it was good to find this out.

Once the pumpkin insides had been cleaned out, he drew a face on his pumpkin. Then he poked a hole for a starting point using the icepick-like tool that came with the carving kit we had.

Next he inserted the tool with the small, saw-like blade and began carving out his design.

He started with the eyes, and then went on to the nose.

I couldn’t wait to get home to see his work. He did a nice job, don’t you think?

My wife and I heaped praise for a job well done, and my wife continued to express surprise that he was able to do this.

“I’m becoming a big boy, Mom,” he told her.

Yes, he is.

Now That Was a Busy Weekend: Part 3 – Carving Our Jack-O-Lantern, and Dinner Out

Our Sunday wasn’t quite a busy as Saturday, but we still had some special activities.

After looking at all of the carved pumpkins at the pumpkin festival the night before, Kai wanted to carve our own pumpkin.

You may recall that I mentioned that we had bought a very large pumpkin the previous weekend when we visited my dad. Well, here it is:

Kai and I set to work on carving it. I cut open the top and scraped down the sides. I let Kai take out the “guts” of the pumpkin.

Kai had earlier gotten an Angry Birds pumpkin pattern book with my wife, so we picked out one of the patterns and I traced it on the side of the pumpkin. And then I set to work to carve out the design.

I found out that really large pumpkins have really thick skin. The carving tools that came with the pattern book barely were long enough to cut all the way in. And so it took a long time to carve that pumpkin.

Kai was interested for a while. But as I continued working on the pumpkin, he said that he would go play Wii by himself.

Periodically he would yell over from the family room to ask how I was doing.

It ended up taking me two and a half hours to cut that thing. And not all of the holes are nearly big enough as the pattern was designed for a much thinner pumpkin, I’m sure. After all that work, I’m not sure you can even tell what it is.

I grumbled that I would never carve this kind of pattern on such a large pumpkin again. But Kai seemed very happy with the finished product.

By the time I was done, it was time to go meet Kai’s grandparents for dinner. They were taking us out to Benihana for my wife’s birthday.

Benihana is one of those Japanese steakhouses where the chef prepares the meal right at your table. We’ve been to a similar type of restaurant before, but never to this particular one.

When the chef came to our table, Kai asked if there was going to be fire. At the other restaurant, a big part of the show is a huge flame that the chef ignites as he begins cooking. It’s a fun sight, but Kai always gets very scared.

“Is there going to be fire?” he asked our chef here.

The chef told him that there would be no fire, and we had to reassure him several times that would be the case.

The chef was quite talented, and his skillful slicing and dicing entertained us. One of his tricks was to flip the cut-off shrimp tails into his pocket.

Kai and my wife ordered combination platters that included lobster. My son doesn’t like regular fish, but he loves his shellfish.

The food was excellent, the atmosphere fun, and the company was great. Kai had a triple helping of shrimp (from others who knew he loved it so much) and finished all of his lobster.

It was nice to see Bubbe and Papa again. Bubbe told the wait staff that we were celebrating my wife’s birthday so they came and sang “Happy Birthday” in both English and Japanese.

It was a very enjoyable evening.

Kai had behaved very well at the restaurant, even though I had told him that he could not bring his iPad. I think the entertaining atmosphere helped, but he also just had a good attitude about it. The whole thing was a far cry from the old days when just the thought of going to a restaurant with him stressed us out.

And so, this was a great way to cap off our special weekend.

Subdued Halloween

Despite his declaration the evening before, my son went to school yesterday. And, he went trick-or-treating. But he did not seem to enjoy either.

Kai was still subdued from his major incident the day before that resulted in a delay of an achievement at school, and a subsequent trip to Legoland with Mom and Dad.

I had to leave for work before Kai woke up, but my wife reported that he was in a funk from the time he woke up and throughout the day.

She and my dad went to school in the morning to see the school parade. Most of the kids were having great fun, but I could see from the pictures she took that Kai was not. There was not a smile to be seen on his face on any photo.

Even being dismissed from school after just a half day, and a trip to his favorite hamburger restaurant for lunch did not brighten his mood.

He went for a short round of trick-or-treats with Mom and Ojiichan, but it seemed more obligatory than fun. He came home and spent much of the afternoon on the computer.

Still, my wife said he wanted to go trick-or-treating with me, and I left work just a bit early to get home in time for a trip around the block with Kai.

He didn’t have the extra bounce in his step that I’ve seen on past Halloweens, but he finally seemed to be enjoying it. I reminded him to say “trick-or-treat” and “thank you” and I was happy that he said it with enough enthusiasm for me to hear from my perch down the driveways.

I got Kai to talk a little bit about the parade and lunch while we walked. And by the end of our short walk, he seemed to be in a lighter mood.

Between the parade in the morning and the tricks-or-treat with all of us, he had collected enough candy to fill a large bowl. And I finally saw a smile.

With Kai’s GFCF diet, I will be the one to eat most of that candy. The sacrifices a dad has to make… ;)

* * * * *
Yesterday, we received an email from Kai’s social worker at school suggesting that we ease the criteria for Kai earning his prized trip to Legoland. Instead of achieving Level 4, which may be beyond his ability right now, she thought that attaining a safe month might be more realistic.

I agreed. Rewards are a positive thing only when they are attainable. When they are not, they set the child up for disappointment and failure.

But I wanted to find a way to relax the standard without feeling like we are sending the message to Kai that we lower the bar every time he fails to clear it.

And then my blog friend Shiroi Tora gave me an idea.

He suggested that Kai create an apology card for the teacher he bit the other day. As he put it, “a heartfelt card of apology would go a long ways toward Kai’s growth.”

I conferred with my wife and we agreed; if Kai would create an apology card for his teacher, he would have shown that he learned a lesson from this, and we would give him another chance to earn a trip to Legoland, this time with a slightly easier standard.

This new criteria will still be very difficult for Kai. He has had only one safe month in his whole time at this school.

But this morning, when we told him this, he seemed a bit more encouraged.

Hopefully he can carry forward and make it a good month.

Consequences

After our amazing experience at the pumpkin festival the night before, we had planned to continue our Halloween-themed weekend with a visit to a nearby pumpkin farm on Sunday afternoon.

It was a bright, sunny, and warm day. We could not have asked for a nicer day for our outing.

But before we were to go, we had some things to do on Sunday morning.

After breakfast, I went to the gym for a workout. When I returned, Kai’s piano teacher had already arrived for his weekly lesson. Kai was giving him a hard time.

Vlad is the most patient man I have ever met. He always encourages Kai and never raises his voice at him, no matter how uncooperative Kai is.

My wife was trying to get Kai to listen to Vlad and do as he instructed. Kai kept moaning that he was too tired and did not want to play the piano.

I told Kai that he perhaps he was too tired to go to the pumpkin farm, too, then.

I thought that this threat would be motivating enough for Kai to finally cooperate. He had been looking forward to our annual visit to the pumpkin farm for weeks.

I went to take a shower. And when I came out, I was disappointed to find that Kai’s behavior had not improved.

Vlad had just left. And my wife had told Kai that our fun afternoon would be cancelled.

Kai was not happy.

At first he was mad. We told him it was his own action that caused this to happen.

Then, he tried to bargain. He would play the piano now and then we could still go. Too late, we said.

We told him that if he behaved well all week and then played piano nicely with his teacher next Sunday, there was still one more chance to go before Halloween. But if it was a rainy day next week, we would not go.

Well, he was mad enough that he could not go on that day, but the thought that he might not go at all made him really upset.

He alternatively ranted, pleaded, and whined.

We did not give in.

My wife got tired of hearing this and left the room.

I went away for a little while as well. When I returned, Kai kept persisting. I spoke to him calmly that he has to make good choices, and he does not always get a second chance.

After a long time, he finally calmed down. He came over to give me a hug.

We played some games. We read. And in the afternoon we drove over to a nearby forest preserve for a walk in the woods.

I was glad to get out and enjoy the beautiful afternoon. But it wasn’t the same as going to the pumpkin farm. Especially for Kai.

This Sunday, we hope to get to the farm. Kai has been very well behaved all week. I suspect that he will play piano wonderfully with his instructor.

It is expected to be 25 degrees colder than it was last weekend. But, if we go, I have a feeling it will a good time.

Here’s hoping.

A Record, and I’m Not Talking About the 32,000 Pumpkins

Last Saturday evening, we went to the pumpkin festival of our neighboring community of Highwood. The highlight of the festival was their attempt at trying to break the record for most lit jack-o-lanterns at one time. Their goal was to carve and light 32,000.

This was the third time they have gone for the record, and the third time we have attended.

The first year, Kai enjoyed seeing so many carved pumpkins, but the crowd and hubbub quickly overwhelmed him and we did not stay long. Last year, we stayed longer, but still did not see more than a portion of all the pumpkins.

This year the festival and crowd seemed larger than ever. I tried to find a place to park several blocks away, but found that I had to drive away even further before I found a spot.

Once we were on the festival grounds, we were packed shoulder to shoulder in a huge crowd.

I tried to slowly weave our way through the crowd to find a more open spot. Kai clutched onto me with one hand, and to my wife with the other. But he was not upset.

We made our way back to a portion of the festival we had never been to before. We found out that the town had set up high scaffolds holding many rows of pumpkins that lined the downtown streets for a few blocks. We also saw that there were too many pumpkins to fit on the shelves, so there many placed on the ground at the base of the scaffolds.

Though we arrived after the time the jack-o-lanterns were to be lit, none were. But as we walked around, we heard the announcement for the lighting to begin.

Festival staff lit candles and climbed the scaffolds to light the pumpkins that were on display up high. Other staff handed out small candles for everyone to place inside the carved pumpkins, and longer candles for anyone who wanted to help light them.

My wife took a candle and joined in with the lighting. Kai enjoyed watching her.

My wife and I were getting a bit tired of bending over and lighting the pumpkins, and of the crowd of people. But Kai did not want to leave until all the pumpkins had been lit.

And when they were, it was quite a sight!

I never heard whether the town broke the record they were seeking. After all, how do you count all those pumpkins? But, I do know that our son broke the record for tolerance in a huge throng of people. And more than seeing 32,000 pumpkins, that was the highlight of the evening for me.

Carving Jack O’Lanterns

Rain washed out our outdoor activities this weekend. So we had to audible.

On Saturday, we picked up a couple pumpkins to carve into jack o’lanterns.

Last year, when we were on our camping trip, we saw the intricately carved pumpkins of several other campers. From talking with them, we learned that you could buy templates with fancy designs, as well as special tools to help carve them.

We tried a couple of the more simple designs last year, but Kai wanted to move on to “level 2” designs this year. And so the early start on carving a couple pumpkins.

If we left if up to him, we would be carving about ten pumpkins. But, two seems enough to me. Of course, with more than two weeks yet to go until Halloween, we may be carving a few more yet.

Kai was excited to work on the first pumpkin. After I cut open the bottom of the pumpkin, he dug his hand in to take out the seeds and all the innards. Some kids may not like touching all that slimy stuff, but I think its Kai’s favorite part of the whole process.

Once the inside was cleaned out, I worked on tracing out the pattern and then cutting it out.

Can you tell what it is? (It looks better when it is lit up inside.)

My wife then sculpted out the lettering on the other side.

Today, we worked on the other pumpkin. This time it was my wife’s turn to cut out the design.

Kai wasn’t as excited about it as he was yesterday with the first one. This time he cleaned out the inside of the pumpkin, but then was disinterested until Mom had finished carving.

But when all was said and done, he was happy with the results. And, I must say, in the dark, with only the insides lit, they really capture the spirit, don’t you think?