Saying the Darndest Things

Do any of you remember Art Linkletter?

When I was very young, I came home from school every afternoon to find my mother watching Linkletter’s talk show on television. Her favorite segment was when he interviewed young children, who would invariably make some intentionally humorous comment. Linkletter later wrote a book called Kids Say the Darndest Things, which stemmed from these segments.

I think that Linkletter would have gotten a kick out of some of the things Kai has said recently.

* * * * *
When we met with Kai’s teacher at school last month, she told us about how, at the beginning of the school year, Kai “fired” her at least once a day. She thought that they had each adjusted to each other as the firings had become much less frequent these days.

* * * * *
We use a Point Store at home to try to incentivize Kai for certain behaviors. He has a lot of input into the apps, games, or books that are “sold” in the store, while my wife and I set the price, the number of points he has to earn to win the prize.

On a recent occasion, I did not immediately tell him if we would include a certain prize in the Point Store, or how much we would price it at if we did include it. I was not familiar with the app and wanted to research it more before deciding. But as I had to go to work, I did not have time to do that at the moment.

I’ll do it later, I promised Kai.

He responded, “I’ll text you.”

Huh?

I don’t need my nine-year old texting me! Certainly not about some app that he wants.

I told him that I would get to it when I got home. And that satisfied him.

This time, anyway.

* * * * *
We visited a few assisted living places the other day. At the first place, the woman we met with introduced herself to the three of us.

Kai immediately spoke up.

“We’re looking for a place for my dad’s dad to live. Why is this a good place?”

Ha, no pleasantries with this guy. Let’s get right to it.

After we had toured the facility and wrapped up our visit, the woman told Kai to be sure to be “just as tough on the person you meet with at the next place.”

* * * * *
The three of us were playing a Mario Party game on the Wii the other night. Kai was winning while my wife and I were battling to stay out of last place.

My wife was struggling with one of the mini games so Kai started giving her advice on when to press the buttons.

I grumbled that he didn’t have to help Mom.

“But I want to protect my mom!”

My wife thought that was incredibly sweet. I thought so, too. Though, I continued to grumble.

* * * * *
All this from a boy who, at one time, thought might never say more than two words.

Art Linkletter would have loved it!

Conversing on the Phone

There was a time when Kai would not say anything on the telephone except for whatever short phrase we whispered in his ear. His grandparents would talk to him, and he would not be able to process what they were saying and formulate a response so we’d quietly tell him what he could say back to them. It wasn’t a real conversation with him, but I think they enjoyed hearing his voice.

These days he’s gotten much better at having two-way discussions, both in person and on the phone.

Kai’s swim instructor called us from the local Target the other day. He had apparently asked Kai what he would like for Christmas. Kai told him about Trashies, the little rubbery characters that he is collecting. But as there are hundreds of them, James wanted to know which ones Kai already had.

Well, my wife and I can’t keep up with the names of all the characters that he has. So my wife handed the phone to Kai.

I could hear him explaining which ones he had, and answering questions about whether or not he had a particular set.

What was most remarkable was that I continued to wash dishes and my wife busied herself with the dogs during the whole conversation. We did not feel the need to hover over the phone to help Kai answer the questions.

It certainly wasn’t all that long ago that we never would have believed that Kai would be able to carry on a conversation on the telephone by himself.

Kai’s progress with his speech is certainly a very treasured gift this Christmas.

I’ll leave you with a photo from this weekend where we hit the big hill to go sledding once again.

It will be the coldest Christmas in years here. But it will be warm in our hearts.

Hope you have a merry Christmas, too.

“Dad, Am I Doing Good?”

We traveled out east for our annual Thanksgiving visit with my sister and her family.

Kai always enjoys the trip and looks forward to repeating the same activities that he did in the past. I thought that re-doing the same things he did before might be a symptom of his autism, but my now grown-up nephews reminded me that they, too, had their favorite activities that they had to do each time they visited me when they were kids.

One of Kai’s favorite activities is having his uncle chase him around and then tickle him. Uncle Frankie playfully warns Kai, “You’re dead meat!” before going after him. This year, Kai requested the attack, calling out, “Dead meat me, Uncle Frankie!”

Another favorite activity is playing with my nephews’ Nerf guns. After all, nothing says Thanksgiving like Nerf guns.

On this Thanksgiving morning, he kept asking his nephews what time they would break out the Nerf toys. As they would be busy helping with the dinner preparations, they did not respond with a specific time. And that led to Kai repeatedly asking his question. I finally suggested that they tell him when they would play or he would drive us all crazy with his questions.

And when the Nerfs came out, Kai enjoyed them like he always does.

This is one of the extremely rare years where Hanukkah overlaps with Thanksgiving. Kai wanted to celebrate Hanukkah so we introduced the menorah lighting ceremony to my sister’s family.

And afterward, Kai wanted to play the dreidel game with his cousins. In fact, we did that every evening that we were there.

On our road trip last summer, we had an incentive plan where Kai could earn new videos to watch in the car if we behaved well that day. He asked that we repeat that incentive.

At Thanksgiving dinner, he would have to sit at the table without his iPad, and try the different dishes without complaint. He did very well, and enjoyed the feast.

However, he did drive us a bit crazy when he kept asking, “Dad, am I doing good?”

Yes, Kai, you’re doing well, I reassured him.

Though when he kept asking that question over and over, or when he repeatedly asked about the Nerf guns, I told him that he was getting a bit annoying and that he shouldn’t keep asking the same question again and again.

Overall, though, Kai did very well.

We noticed that Kai’s language continues to improve and he generated a few chuckles with his comments.

For instance, when finding some startling information on the iPad, he declared, “OMG!”

And he was remarkably patient at restaurants we stopped at on the way to and from my sister’s house. My dad is a very slow eater, which meant that Kai had to wait long for him to finish eating. In the past, my wife and I had to chow down quickly as Kai insisted on leaving the restaurant as soon as he was done eating. So it was amazing that he could be so tolerant about waiting now.

Nerf guns, good food, a great time with family, and a boy who continues to improve.

Yes, we have a lot to be thankful for.

Halloween: Ketchup and Mustard

Kai has been really into collecting Trashies that I thought perhaps that he could be one for Halloween.

About a month ago, I googled “Trashies Halloween costume” and, well, let’s just say the results were not what I was looking for. (Though I notice today that the same search now yields a bunch of kid-appropriate results.)

We eventually found one Trash Pack costume for sale, but since it was for young kids, it would not fit Kai. So, I decided that I would make him a costume this year.

I ordered a light-weight collapsible trash can. We would make it a craft project to paint it as if it were trash-stained, and to also paint an old t-shirt.

Unfortunately, nearly four weeks later, the trash can never arrived. It is still showing as “In transit,” stuck at some UPS facility. I contacted the seller and they refunded the money rather than send out another one.

So, still without a Halloween costume for Kai and with the big day approaching, my wife went out and got a replacement:

It’s not homemade, but I have to admit that they look good together.

My wife attended the Halloween parade at school in costume.

And then they came home and did a short round of trick-or-treating in the rain.

When I got home from work, Kai was ready to go again. I don’t think he particularly cared about getting more candy – he eats hardly any of the candy he collects – he just wanted to do another round with me, which was very sweet.

And so it was my turn to be Ketchup, and we embarked just as the rain picked up again.

Three Halloweens ago, Kai was just beginning to talk more ably and it was still hit or miss whether he would say “trick-or-treat” and I constantly had to remind him to say “thank you” at each house. He did not respond when people commented about his costume.

This year, I heard him say “trick-or-treat” loudly and clearly. And I only had to remind him to say “thank you” once.

And when people remarked how great his costume was, he quickly and appropriately thanked them.

At one house, the person at the door did not see me hanging further back with the umbrella over my head. Seeing Kai as mustard, she asked what happened to ketchup. He turned around, pointed to me, and told the woman, “He’s right there.”

We probably went to less than ten houses before turning around and heading back home. It was late and the wind started picking up.

But it was plenty of time for father-and-son bonding.

And for me to notice the progress he has made with his communication and socialization.

And so, despite the rain, we had a great Halloween.

Talking, Talking, Talking… About Tins

I think that parents of children with autism tend to appreciate things more than the average parent. For us, progress often comes slowly, if at all, so we never take anything for granted. In our case, this is particularly true of our son’s ability to speak.

When Kai was a small child, we weren’t sure how much he would ever be able to talk. Progress came slowly for a long time, but we now have a boy who speaks pretty well. And as we know other autism parents who would love for their child to speak even half as well as Kai, we appreciate that we are blessed that Kai has come this far.

And so it would be wrong to feel anything but elated whenever our son speaks.

But, sometimes…


On our last few days of summer break, we visited Kai’s grandparents.

It is amazing how much he interacts with them now.

Bubbe knew how Kai is now obsessed with rocks and minerals, so she gave him some sample containers including pyrite, copper, quartz, and amethyst.

In turn, Kai told Bubbe all she ever wanted to hear, and more, about rocks and minerals.

But that was nothing compared with how much talking Kai did with his grandfather.

Regular readers may recall that Papa is a collector of old tins. He has quite a collection displayed throughout the house.

About a year ago, Papa gave Kai some tins to start his own collection, and since then, every time we visit, Papa gives Kai a few more tins.

On this occasion, Papa had just returned from a trip to a collectibles show. Kai took great interest as Papa showed off his new tins and other old containers and explained their significance to Kai one by one.

It is quite cute to see Kai get excited about these old containers that some people, including, ahem, Bubbe, may consider junk. I am guessing that none of Papa’s other grandchildren are so interested.

But sometimes Kai’s enthusiasm goes too far, crossing well over the line into obsession and greed.

When Papa gave Kai a choice of five tins on the first day, Kai was happy. For about eight seconds. Then he began lobbying for more tins.

“How I can earn more tins?” he kept asking Papa.

Sometimes, he didn’t exactly ask.

“You give me tins for Hanukkah,” he said in a tone that was more demanding than asking.

Over the next couple days, Kai seemed to notice more of Papa’s tin collection than ever before. He noticed that Papa had old containers of peanut butter and popcorn and other food items.

“I don’t have any food tins, Papa. Maybe you can give me a food tin sometime.”

I told Kai that Papa had heard him so that he did not need to keep saying the same things over and over. I said that Papa knew that Kai wanted more tins, and might give him more sometime. But, I explained, he should not be greedy, and he should appreciate that Papa had already given him several tins from his collection.

I told Kai that Papa had worked hard all his life so that he could collect tins, and that it took him years to gather so many. If Kai wanted more, he should set a goal to study hard, get a good job, and earn enough money to buy his own tins someday.

Kai had a different idea.

“What happens to all the tins after Papa dies?”

Oh brother!

Everyone laughed when he said it. I did, too. It was funny to see Kai’s mind at work.

But I also tried to teach him that he shouldn’t say things like that. And I told him that Papa wasn’t going to die for a long time so he had better come up with a different idea.

Later on he declared that when he went to college, he would stay at Bubbe and Papa’s house. But the reason was not that he enjoyed being there so much, though I know he does.

No, he wanted to live there so that he could be near all of Papa’s tins.

It was great to see Kai bond with his grandfather. But is it wrong for me to want Kai to please just stop talking about tins for a few seconds?

To try to get a break from Kai’s incessant talking about tins, we played Qwirkle, a game of skill that involves matching tiles of different shapes and colors.

Kai is pretty good at the game, but lately he has become more obsessed with winning.

He got mad when someone else scored well, and when another player put down a tile in the spot he wanted for his next turn.

“Give me a chance!” he yelled.

I tried to explain that is how the game is played, and that he could still win the game if he kept searching for good places to play his tiles.

“No fair!” he screamed.

Papa told him that if he did not play nicely, the game would end. And when Kai kept whining, Papa declared the game was over.

I did not like Kai’s attitude. We are trying to teach him to accept defeat graciously and to be a good sport. But, our words don’t seem to sink in with him.

I was glad that Papa spoke up during the game. I don’t know that his words had any more effect than ours, but perhaps hearing it from his grandfather will eventually have more impact.

Later on, we played another game, Rummikub.

Kai started to get upset when things did not go his way. Papa spoke up and told Kai that he was keeping an eye on him.

Kai held his anger in check.

He did not win the game, but he did not lose his temper.

And when it was time for us to go home, Papa gave Kai one more tin for being a good boy on his last day.

Skype-ing with Mom – Amazing!

We have been using Skype to communicate with my wife’s parents for about a year now. Every week – Sunday evenings for us, Monday mornings for them – we see and talk with them.

It is really nice for them to see their grandson on the other side of the world. But Kai doesn’t really speak much with them.

Of course, a boy with autism is not expected to speak much with anyone. And the limited English of his grandparents further hinders any attempts at conversation.

Now that Mom is in Japan, we plan to Skype almost every day, and I was curious to see if Kai would talk any more with her than he does with Jiji and Baba.

Tonight, we had our first Skype call with Mom.

Kai had had another pretty good day at school today. So he is not letting his mother’s absence affect his performance in school.

But he was looking forward to seeing her on the computer.

From the moment we connected, he started talking.

He told her what he did in school today.

He talked about the Bulls scoring 100 points in their game yesterday.

He answered her questions about going miniature golfing.

He asked her what kind of present she was going to get for him.

His grandparents sat nearby during the call. They marveled with a tinge of jealousy about how much he spoke with Mom.

But they weren’t the only ones who were surprised. I was astounded at how well he spoke and how long he carried on the conversation.

They talked for 25 minutes, which has to be a record for him. Not just a Skype record, but the record for the longest conversation he has ever had.

It wasn’t all that long ago that we were thrilled when Kai could answer some basic questions with one or two word responses. But we could not imagine then that he would ever have a real conversation with back-and-forth exchanges.

But that is exactly what he did tonight.

For a guy who grew up with a rotary phone in the house, the technology of Skype is still amazing to me. But it is not nearly as amazing as the progress my son has made in his ability to hold a conversation.

As we finally neared the end of the call, Kai wrapped his arms around my laptop to give Mom a big virtual hug, and then pressed his lips against the screen to give her a kiss.

It was a fitting conclusion to the most amazing phone call I’ve ever experienced.

Our Passover

As expected, our son’s excitement over Passover increased as the week went on.

Yesterday morning, as soon as he awoke, Kai wanted to read his book on the history of the alphabet. I think he thought of it on this morning because the Hebrew alphabet is an early precursor to our modern alphabet. After we read the book, Kai got his set of magnetic Hebrew letters and brought them to the breakfast table.

There, Kai reminded us that as it was Passover, we could not eat regular bread, and that we had to have unleavened bread instead. He was in great spirits throughout breakfast with his Hebrew letters, gluten-free matzo, and his favorite children’s dvd about Passover.

After breakfast, he finished making a set of the Ten Plagues hand puppets. He is getting quite good at crafts, doing most of this on his own.

Of course, the highlight of the day was going over to his uncle and aunt’s house for the Seder.

Kai was really revved up, sometimes just a tad too much as he almost tried to take over leading the Seder from his grandfather at times. But mostly he followed along nicely, and was very cute with his enthusiasm.

Here he is with Mom drinking the first cup of wine (grape juice)…

He also read very nicely his part of the Four Questions.

And, when we got to the part about the Ten Plagues, Kai was ready to demo them all with his hand puppets.

It was a very nice ceremony and the food was wonderful.

Perhaps the most interesting part came afterward. Kai’s young cousins, ages 9 and 11, invited him to play a game of Mousetrap, which they knew he liked. When they spoke to him, he answered. They actually had bits of back-and-forth conversation. It wasn’t the same as the conversation the two cousins had between them, but it was a giant leap from his abilities to converse with kids before.

Today, our Passover celebration continues. Kai enjoyed it so much that he wants to do the Seder one more time. This one will be just ourselves at lunchtime.

Then, on to coloring Easter eggs!

Green Eggs and Ham

Every morning, when the taxi comes to take my son to school, Kai climbs in without saying a word to the two girls who are already onboard.

They are very friendly girls. Usually, they are chatting away with each other, and they sometimes will say something to me. But Kai always ignores them. And that is not unusual; he rarely initiates conversation with any child.

Earlier this week, I opened the door of the taxi and the two girls were talking about what happened at school last week. One of the girls had been away so the other was filling her in on what she missed.

Suddenly, Kai burst into the conversation. He told the girl who had been away that she missed Green Eggs and Ham. I had no idea what he was talking about.

The first girl said something about the book, but Kai jumped in again to say that he wasn’t talking about the book. Rather, he explained, a member of the staff had made green eggs and ham for lunch.

I was startled that he spoke to the girls.

But then again, you don’t get green eggs and ham every day.

When I came in the house and told my wife about it, she said that Kai had asked her to make green eggs and ham. So he was thinking about it a lot.

That evening, Kai couldn’t wait to help make it.

He helped scramble the eggs.

And season the eggs.

And he even enjoyed eating it.

I do so like green eggs and ham!

Yes, it was something to talk about.

My Son, the Emcee, is a Dream Come True

My son’s school had a special program for Black History Month yesterday.

When we got there, Kai was at his desk hugging one of his favorite classroom aides.

He then asked to go to the bathroom. And he wanted to make sure that the teacher wouldn’t start the program without him.

When he got back, it was time to start.

Kai joined his classmates up front for the first song, which was somewhat of a relief for us after what happened at the holiday concert in December.

After the whole group sang a song, some kids performed the scene where Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the bus. Later, other kids read poems together.

Finally, Kai was called up to the front of the room. He had the only solo. He would read the poem Dreams, by Langston Hughes.

Wikipedia tells me that Hughes was one of the earliest innovators of the then-new literary art form jazz poetry.

Kai did Mr. Hughes proud.

As he went up to the front of the class, Kai didn’t just read the poem. He announced that this was the last performance. He asked the audience to raise their hands if they liked the show. Of course, everyone did.

Finally, he read the poem:

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

He read loudly and clearly. And when he finished, he got great applause. And then he started to ad lib some more and probably would have gone on if his teacher didn’t shoo him off.

At one time, it was a dream for us that our son would be able to speak like this. Now he is chatting away like an emcee.

Hold fast to dreams, everyone. Hold fast.

Noting Progress in Communication

My son has therapy at a clinic that incorporates play to help kids learn to build interactive relationships. At the beginning of each session, the child can select from a wide array of toys.

Lately, Kai’s toy of choice has been a set of Electronic Snap Circuits, which teaches kids the basics about electronics.

We have this at home as well, and he obsessed over it when he first got it. The set that both the clinic and we have is the base set, which enables kids to “build over 300 exciting projects.” Kai has been campaigning for a few weeks now to get the “500 project” extension set for his birthday.

But he’s not just campaigning for it at home. He has declared his desires to the clinic as well.

At his last session, he told his therapist that he wanted them to get the extension set, too. His therapist took advantage of his motivation and turned it into an opportunity for Kai to practice his social interaction.

She had Kai write down his wish on paper to organize his thoughts. And then she helped him track down the head of the clinic. And when she introduced him to the boss, he had to voice his thoughts himself.

My wife reported that Kai spoke very clearly and nicely. And after the head of the clinic heard Kai’s pitch, she promised him that the clinic would get the new set.

We were amazed at Kai’s ability to articulate his wishes. I doubt he could have done this a year ago. His communication skills have certainly come a long way.

Of course, now he expects the clinic to have the new set. He doesn’t understand that it might take a little time for the purchase to actually be made.

Hopefully, he can make this much progress with his patience, too.

Yoohoo!

My son is off from school today due to Rosh Hashanah. As I am trying to work in my office, I hear him calling out from the basement:

“Mom, come here! Yoohoo!”

I still recall the days when he didn’t speak. When he wanted Mom he went to get her and then took her hand.

“Yoohoo!” makes me smile.

L'shanah tovah to all of our family and friends that celebrate Rosh Hashanah.

The Magic Show

My son’s school had a magic show this morning.

Kai was the greeter, welcoming all the parents at his classroom door. And while he did that job well, I think he also wanted to be the emcee. When the show began, he kept announcing the next act from his seat next to us. My wife tried to get him to be quiet, but it was a futile effort.

And then it was his turn to perform.

“Kai the Incredible” performed a trick called The Very Hungry Bag. He hesitantly read some parts of his script as he put a coin into a paper bag. But, when it came time to wave his magic wand, he dramatically adlibbed a countdown before revealing that the coin had disappeared. Then, with some flair, he flipped his magician’s top hat away.

My favorite part came after he finished his trick. He stayed standing up at the front of the room and loudly and confidently began to announce the next performer. The boy who was actually the emcee came up, tapped Kai on the shoulder, and told him to go sit down. I think Kai would have been happy to do the whole show all by himself.

The boy who once did not speak could not be shut up. It wasn’t magic that got him to speak. There was a lot more work these past five years than just saying abracadabra. But, now, with his exuberant personality unleashed, I think it would have taken a real magician to get him to be quiet.

Black History Presentation Sparks a Dream

My son’s school had a Black History Fair to cap off a month of special projects. Each student was assigned a famous African American. My son’s subject was Bill Pickett, who I learned was a rodeo star in the early 20th century, and a member of the Rodeo Hall of Fame.

The kids studied their subject and then created displays for the fair. The highlight of the program was to be a video presentation where each child speaks about their assigned African American hero.

Our expectations were pretty low. Kai can go on endlessly when talking about the numbers of the NASCAR racers or the square miles of countries or whatever else he is into at the time. But, ask him to speak about any other topic and you are lucky to get more than a word or two, usually mumbled incoherently.

And so, when my wife reported that Kai gave an awesome presentation, we were both stunned. She said that he spoke loudly, clearly and without hesitation as he described the accomplishments of Mr. Pickett. Even better, he didn’t say the words in a boring monotone as if he were reading his material. Instead he spoke freely and with enthusiasm, giving his presentation more flair.

He even surprised another mother who sees Kai quite often at his ice skating class. There, Kai rarely responds to her no matter how much she tries to talk with him. So, it’s no wonder that she was shocked that he could actually speak so well.

Okay, now I know that this wasn’t on the level of Martin Luther King delivering his “I have a dream” speech. But, to us, it was momentous in a small way.

It gives me hope that one day he will be able to just as articulately describe his day at school. That is my dream.