A Very Sweet Moment

Sometimes my son still surprises me.

Over the weekend, we had our weekly Skype session with Kai’s grandparents in Japan. Depending on his mood, Kai can be quite talkative with Jiji and Baba.

As his grandparents speak very little English, and Kai does not speak Japanese, this makes holding a conversation very difficult. But that doesn’t seem to matter to a boy who prefers to say his piece without having to listen and respond to anyone else.

In fact, when my wife tries to translate what Kai is saying so that his grandparents would understand, he often gets annoyed, saying, “Mom, stop talking. You’re interrupting me.”

Oftentimes, Kai starts chattering to his grandparents about whatever his passions of the moment are – Pokémon, Trashies, some new app on the iPad – and they often seem puzzled about what he is talking about though amused that he is so talkative and happy.

This time, though, Kai wanted to talk about something else.

His grandfather will be visiting us from Japan in a few weeks. He will join us as we go on a road trip to some national parks out west.

Kai’s grandmother, however, does not like to travel to the States and will not be coming along this time. Kai directed his conversation to her.

“Baba, you can come here because we will have Japan TV (through our cable tv provider).

“Then we will go on vacation. Some of the motels will have swimming pools. And we’ll see mountains and wild animals.

“So, Baba, you have to come!”

It was incredibly sweet to see him plead his case. It surprised me, in part because his grandmother has come to visit only once in the past six years so he hasn’t gotten as close to her as he has his other grandparents.

But it also surprised me because it exposed the love that he holds for others, and the pureness of his heart, which we don’t always see on a day-to-day basis.

We had to tell Kai that Baba won’t be making the trip this time – all of the plans are set. But perhaps she might think about coming the next time.

Kai seemed very disappointed. But he accepted it without anger.

I don’t know that Kai swayed Baba to ever think about coming here again.

But he sure melted my heart.

“Lucky to See Dad”

I was up before 5AM yesterday as I had a flight to catch for a business trip.

I tiptoed down to the kitchen to have a quick bite to eat before heading out. Apparently, I wasn’t as quiet as I was trying to be.

Kai came out of his bedroom and out into the hallway. Lately, he has resumed his old ways of waking up in the middle of the night, so it wasn’t too much of a surprise that he would be awake now.

“Hello, Kai,” I said.

“Hi Dad,” he said cheerfully. He was wide awake. “I wanted to wish you a good trip before you left.”

I went over and gave him a big hug, and told him I loved him.

And then I sent him back to bed.

Several minutes later, just as I was ready to depart, he came out again.

“Goodbye, Dad.”

I encouraged him to have another good day at school, and said goodbye.

And then I sent him back to bed and told him to not wake Mom up until it was time to get up.

My day was very busy, but I made it back to my hotel room just at Kai’s bedtime, and initiated a Skype call.

This is my second business trip since I started this job. On my first trip, I stayed at a hotel that had a lot of fancy features in the room that I was able to show my family over Skype. Kai wanted to see what kind of room I had this time. I showed him that it was just a regular room.

I asked Kai about his day. He told me that he had another good day at school. Only two more days for a third straight safe week this month, I told him.

Other than that, Kai seemed a bit quiet on the video call. But my wife told me what Kai had said to her this morning.

“I was lucky to see Dad before he left!”

Ha, I’m glad that he is still enthusiastic about seeing his dad.

Of course, I was the one who felt fortunate to get such a nice send off this morning, and to know that he did well while I was gone.

Now hopefully he will have one more good day that he can tell me all about when I get home tonight.

Telling Grandparents All About It

We were on vacation last weekend so we missed our usual weekly Skype call with Kai’s grandparents in Japan. I thought we would have our next call at our regular time, but Kai did not want to wait until then to talk to them.

I was wondering what the urgency was. I should have known.

When we got Jiji and Baba online, Kai brought his entire collection of Rocks and Minerals Flash Cards that he had earned so far. He wanted to show all of them to his grandparents.

Well, he didn’t just want to show them. He wanted to read all of them.

We told him that he could read five cards. He said he wanted to read all of them.

I could see where this was headed. I could either argue with him for a long time and have all of us get upset, or I could just let him read the cards.

I gave in.

But I told him he had to read fast, and only read the most important parts.

So, for the next 20 minutes, Kai read his grandparents facts about
limestone and granite and quartz and the rest of the 30 or so rocks and minerals he had accumulated so far.

His grandparents don’t understand speak much English, and they did not understand a word he said.

But I think they were happy to see him so obviously enthused about something, and to see him talk non-stop for so long.

After he had finished reading them his flash cards, we got him to talk about our vacation. And once he started, he went non-stop on that topic, too, telling about all the highlights of our trip.

When my wife tried to translate what Kai was saying into Japanese, he told her “Mom, be quiet!”

Kai still has a lot of work to do on two-way communications, but you can see that he is getting quite verbose with his soliloquies. In a way, for a child who loves to talk but often doesn’t listen well, it is perfect for him to talk to his Japanese grandparents as it is hard for them to interrupt him with questions.

One day I hope that he will be better able to pause and listen and interact. But on this day, I thought he did just great. It was another sign of progress for a boy who once did not speak.

Perplexus

The most popular toy in the waiting room at one of the places where my son goes for therapy is a 3D maze ball called Perplexus. It never seems to be left alone as one child or another is always playing with it.

Kai is hooked on it, too. Whenever he goes there, he looks forward to trying it. He has never taken to puzzles much before, so it is curious that he is obsessed with this one. I think a lot of it has to do with the numbers that are assigned to each step in the maze.

At home, Kai spends a lot of time looking at YouTube videos of people successfully navigating the ball. I think he has it memorized by now.

With Mom in Japan, she wanted to bring back a few special gifts for Kai. One of the things she found is the Perplexus puzzle.

She showed it to Kai on one of our first Skype sessions to give him something to look forward to when she returns.

Since then, every time we Skype, he asks her how far she has gotten in the maze. I think that he thinks that Mom is spending all of her time in Japan working on it. Probably because that is what he would do.

When Mom returns on Monday, I’m sure he will be very happy to see her. But I also think that one of the first words out of his mouth will be to ask her where the puzzle is.

Welcome home, Mom! Now where is that puzzle?

Skype-ing with Mom – Amazing!

We have been using Skype to communicate with my wife’s parents for about a year now. Every week – Sunday evenings for us, Monday mornings for them – we see and talk with them.

It is really nice for them to see their grandson on the other side of the world. But Kai doesn’t really speak much with them.

Of course, a boy with autism is not expected to speak much with anyone. And the limited English of his grandparents further hinders any attempts at conversation.

Now that Mom is in Japan, we plan to Skype almost every day, and I was curious to see if Kai would talk any more with her than he does with Jiji and Baba.

Tonight, we had our first Skype call with Mom.

Kai had had another pretty good day at school today. So he is not letting his mother’s absence affect his performance in school.

But he was looking forward to seeing her on the computer.

From the moment we connected, he started talking.

He told her what he did in school today.

He talked about the Bulls scoring 100 points in their game yesterday.

He answered her questions about going miniature golfing.

He asked her what kind of present she was going to get for him.

His grandparents sat nearby during the call. They marveled with a tinge of jealousy about how much he spoke with Mom.

But they weren’t the only ones who were surprised. I was astounded at how well he spoke and how long he carried on the conversation.

They talked for 25 minutes, which has to be a record for him. Not just a Skype record, but the record for the longest conversation he has ever had.

It wasn’t all that long ago that we were thrilled when Kai could answer some basic questions with one or two word responses. But we could not imagine then that he would ever have a real conversation with back-and-forth exchanges.

But that is exactly what he did tonight.

For a guy who grew up with a rotary phone in the house, the technology of Skype is still amazing to me. But it is not nearly as amazing as the progress my son has made in his ability to hold a conversation.

As we finally neared the end of the call, Kai wrapped his arms around my laptop to give Mom a big virtual hug, and then pressed his lips against the screen to give her a kiss.

It was a fitting conclusion to the most amazing phone call I’ve ever experienced.

Connecting with Faraway Loved Ones

When you have loved ones who live on the other side of the world, it is hard to feel as connected as you would like to be. The separation is difficult. And that is particularly true for my wife right now with her parents living in Japan.

My wife was born and raised in the Tokyo area, and her parents still live there. She, of course, has been very worried about them. Thankfully, they survived the earthquake. But, the news of radiation from the nuclear plants continues to concern us.

Long before the earthquake, my wife has been dreaming about going to Japan with Kai one day. But traveling to a faraway foreign country with an autistic child just hasn’t seemed feasible for us, and probably won’t for a while yet.

It is easier on us to have her parents to come here for a visit, and last year they did. But the cost and distance prevent that from being a more frequent occurrence.

Emails communicate the facts, but without the emotional connection of a personal interaction. Phone calls are okay, but they don’t give my wife’s parents much satisfaction when it comes to interacting with their grandson. Let’s face it; communicating with Kai is hard enough when you’re in the same room with him. A phone conversation is even more difficult. In the case of his grandparents in Japan, there is a language barrier that further adds to the challenge.

And that is why we decided to try Skype.

I’m old enough that when I was a kid, the idea of a video phone was the stuff of pure comic book fantasy. I did not believe that I would ever see such a thing during my lifetime. And so, when video connections were starting to be made over the internet more than a decade ago, I was eager to try it. The quality on those early calls was bad, and once the novelty of it wore off after the first few tries, I never used it again.

But, lately, I’d heard a lot about how good the experience is these days. And so, when Kai’s grandfather in Japan said that he wanted to do it, we both got cameras and loaded Skype onto our computers.

A few days ago, we had our first video call. It was amazing, really, to see Jiji and Baba’s faces so clearly and to hear their voices so well. It was as if they were sitting at the kitchen table with us.

Of course, the best part was that they got to see and hear Kai. He showed them a book that he had just gotten from the library, and rambled on about it. My wife explained in Japanese what he was talking about.

Kai didn’t stay on the call too long. But, it was long enough for his grandparents to feel a bit more in touch with him. After Kai and I went downstairs to play, my wife stayed on and had a longer conversation.

This kind of connection would be wonderful anytime. But now, more than ever, it is particularly meaningful.

We are thinking of you, Jiji and Baba. We will see you again soon.