Mom’s Back!

My son didn’t sleep well last night. I think he was too excited about Mom being on her way home.

Kai was very happy as he left for school in the morning. He knew that he was finally going to see Mom again.

And when school let out, she was waiting for him.

He was happy to see her. He told her he had missed her.

And he was also happy to get the presents that she brought back from Japan, including his coveted maze ball.

But in the midst of all the excitement, he also had a bad day in some respects.

I don’t know if it was a coincidence, but he had his worst day in school in many weeks. He also had a terrible piano lesson after playing so nicely the past two weeks while Mom was away.

Perhaps it was the excitement. Maybe he was distracted by the presents. It could have been just the change in routine of having Mom back.

Whatever it was, it will be interesting to see if settles down again over the next few days.

My wife was tired after her long journey back. She went to bed early so Kai and I played with a chemistry game that Mom brought back from Japan.

He enjoyed playing with me.

But he also talked about looking forward to playing with Mom tomorrow. And trying out a new miniature golf course this weekend now that she is finally back.

For Kai, his performance at school did not matter. He piano lesson was no big deal. This was the day that Mom came back. And that made it his best day in weeks.

Father-and-Son Time Winding Down

It is almost over. After fifteen days, Mom will be back from Japan tomorrow.

I would not want to be a single parent on a regular basis, but I have to say that this was a wonderful experience for me.

I treasured all the time I had with my son, and tried to enjoy every minute of it.

It helped that Kai was very well behaved during this time. He barely had any moments where got angry. He was mostly calm and happy, other than when he was missing Mom, of course.

I doubt that it would have been this easy for me had we had tried this a couple of years ago. But, Kai has come a long way.

I felt comfortable taking him to the grocery store with me. He was happy to pick out some items, and never made a fuss or created a scene.

I was relatively stress free the couple times I took him to a restaurant for dinner. He waited patiently for his food to arrive and ate his meals nicely.

He was a joy to be with in all of the activities we did – from our regular visits to the library to our special activities like going to the movies and playing miniature golf.

Perhaps as recently as two years ago, I doubt that I would have felt comfortable taking Kai out in public to these places all by myself. But as he has made much progress, so probably have I as a parent as well.

On our last father-and-son day, we went miniature golfing one more time. This time, Kai was all smiles, even as we got behind a large group and had to wait several minutes on each hole.

After we got home, Kai was thinking of Mom, and wanted to finish a ‘Welcome Home’ banner that he had started with one of his therapists last week.

It was funny that in one part of the banner, he created a “contract” to Mom from he and I. I asked him what the contract was for, but he couldn’t really articulate what was on his mind. He said something about being a family, so I am surmising that it has something to do with all of us staying together, and no more trips away for Mom.

Note that on the contract, he insisted on using my wife’s name, but he and I are referred to as “Kai & Dad Fukunaga.”

As Kai was getting ready to go to bed tonight, I told him that Mom’s plane was just taking off in Tokyo. It will be landing here just about the time he gets to school in the morning. My wife has promised to pick him up at school in the afternoon.

Kai seemed a bit skeptical that Mom was really on her way home. I reassured him that she would be home tomorrow, but I don’t think he will feel secure until he sees her.

Then, he will be a very happy kid.

And I will be happy for him.

But I will always remember these past two weeks as a time when I got to know my son better, spent a bunch of quality time with him, and had some of the best Dad moments of my life.

Perplexus

The most popular toy in the waiting room at one of the places where my son goes for therapy is a 3D maze ball called Perplexus. It never seems to be left alone as one child or another is always playing with it.

Kai is hooked on it, too. Whenever he goes there, he looks forward to trying it. He has never taken to puzzles much before, so it is curious that he is obsessed with this one. I think a lot of it has to do with the numbers that are assigned to each step in the maze.

At home, Kai spends a lot of time looking at YouTube videos of people successfully navigating the ball. I think he has it memorized by now.

With Mom in Japan, she wanted to bring back a few special gifts for Kai. One of the things she found is the Perplexus puzzle.

She showed it to Kai on one of our first Skype sessions to give him something to look forward to when she returns.

Since then, every time we Skype, he asks her how far she has gotten in the maze. I think that he thinks that Mom is spending all of her time in Japan working on it. Probably because that is what he would do.

When Mom returns on Monday, I’m sure he will be very happy to see her. But I also think that one of the first words out of his mouth will be to ask her where the puzzle is.

Welcome home, Mom! Now where is that puzzle?

A Temporary Lift

Just when we needed it, Kai’s grandmother visited us today.

She helped me out by picking Kai up at school and taking him to his therapy sessions. And while that was very nice for me, it was Kai who was most happy to have Bubbe over.

He was in great spirits throughout Bubbe’s visit. During the entire time, he was smiling and laughing and chatting away. The gloom from over the weekend had dissipated.

He even stayed in a great mood as he played the piano for Bubbe, as well as for Mom and his grandparents in Japan via Skype.

Everyone marveled as he played a difficult piece (for him) very nicely, having practiced diligently all week even without Mom around to help him.

Alas, the Skype call ended, and Bubbe had to leave.

Kai went downstairs to use the computer and I took the opportunity to clean up the kitchen from dinner.

A few minutes later, Kai came back upstairs.

“Dad, I really miss Mom.” He looked really really sad.

I tried to comfort him.

“Did Mom go to heaven?”

I couldn’t help but smile a bit at that one. No, I told him, she went to Japan. She will be coming back.

“Am I in heaven?” Where is all this heaven stuff coming from?

No, I said. You are home. And Mom will be home next week, too.

I hugged him. But it wasn’t until I came up with the idea of watching a Muppet dvd together that his spirits lifted again.

The Muppets and Bubbe: the best medicine for a heartsick boy.

Weekend Without Mom

My son has felt sad at various times during the past week as he missed his mom who is away for a couple of weeks. But overall he has been doing well.

This weekend, however, his melancholy seemed more prevalent.

It is not surprising that the weekend would be the hardest time for my son. He didn’t have school or therapy to distract him. And it is a time when he usually has some fun with Mom.

It wasn’t all gloom and doom. We did have many fun moments. But, he just wasn’t the same happy kid he normally is.

On Saturday, we went to a birthday party. Kai worked very studiously to make a nice card for the birthday boy.

The party was at one of those places with the giant inflatables. We have been to places like that many times and Kai has always enjoyed it. But this time, he was not nearly as excited as usual. He seemed bored and did not want to do anything. I tried to get him to play, but he just wasn’t very interested. Even on the big slide, he went down just a couple of times.

The only time he got excited was when he got to “box” a boy who had irritated him before when they accidentally bumped on the obstacle course. I had to caution Kai not to get too aggressive, but he took great pleasure in knocking the boy down. Fortunately, the other boy just thought it was fun.

After the party, we went to a favorite miniature golf course. We played all 18 holes, but he just did not seem as excited as he usually is.

This morning, he indicated that he had a stomach ache. I asked him if he wasn’t feeling well. He said he not feel good, but then added that he he did not feel good because he missed Mom. Then he said, “Maybe we should get a new mom.”

I tried to comfort him, letting him know that Mom missed him, loved him, and would be back next week. He replied that maybe we should find a new mom until then.

Later in the morning, we went for a walk at our local nature center.

He picked a dandelion flower head that had turned to seed. He said that you make a wish and it would come true if you blow all the seeds off. I was a bit surprised when he said that he had wished for new crayons. Though, later, he did it again and this time wished for Mom to come back early.

When we came back from our walk, we played a game of 8-ball billiards on the Wii. And while we were playing, he forgot about his sadness. Especially when I lost the game by hitting the 8-ball into the pocket before I was supposed to. I gave a big “Oh no!” reaction and got him to laugh and laugh.

In the afternoon, he went swimming with his mentors from school and they reported that he had a great time.

And then he and I had more fun.

But when I left him alone for a few minutes to begin preparations for dinner, he got dejected again. He came over to the kitchen and had the saddest look on his face as he told me that he really missed Mom.

I comforted him, and told him I understood. But this time I chose not to “silly” him out of his depression. Sometimes, I think it’s okay for a boy to feel sad about missing his mother. I think his psychotherapist would agree that it is better that he feels his emotion instead of hiding it.

Soon it was time for our daily Skype call with Mom.

Kai was quiet at first. He did not want to say much. It was very different from our first Skype call where he was so happy to talk with Mom.

But we stayed on the line a long time, and eventually he talked more. He started acting silly. He was more himself again.

I think it helped for him to see and talk to Mom.

And after the call we had a nice dinner. He laughed a lot. We had a nice evening.

My hunch is that the worst is over. During the week he will be busy, and by next weekend he will be looking forward to Mom’s imminent return.

Which is not to say that he won’t feel sad sometimes. I’m sure he will.

But the Skype calls help. And time passes. And then Mom will be home.

Missing Mom

I have been trying to be extra patient this week.

Although, I must say, my son has been pretty good for the most part, so I haven’t had my patience tested too often.

He has practiced piano when I’ve asked him to. He has eaten his meals without too much of a fuss. He does his homework with no more than the usual whining.

But still, with Mom in Japan, I wanted to make this as good of a time for Kai as possible. I didn’t want to get upset with him.

In addition to being patient, I’ve tried to make things as fun as possible for Kai.

I got him mini pepperonis for his school lunch. We played Frisbee golf. I made homemade popsicles for the first time in ages. We played games that we haven’t played in a long time. I’ve tried to act silly and make him laugh.

And he does laugh. And he has had a good time. And he continues to do well at school.

But he also is very sad at times.

Which is understandable.

He misses Mom.

I comfort him when he is sad. But nothing quite makes up for Mom being there.

Not even homemade popsicles.

As parents, you’d like to think that your child must love you, but still, you wonder sometimes as they don’t always express it every day.

Well, there’s nothing like Mom being gone for it to be obvious. Kai misses his mom very much, and he will be a really happy kid when she is back.

“Terrible Day” Turns Out Okay

“Today’s a terrible day.”

So said my son as he woke up this morning. The reason was clear: Mom was leaving for a two-week trip to Japan. And Kai was not going with.

My wife had not been to her native land in six years, which is a long time without seeing friends and favorite places. She was scheduled to travel there a year ago, but with the earthquake, tsunami, and subsequent nuclear disaster, she canceled her trip.

We would love to go to Japan with Kai one day, but we don’t think that is feasible right now. Vacations here in the U.S. are hard enough. Taking a 13-hour flight to a foreign land where they speak a different language, a place with extremely crowded cities and small residences, well, that just isn’t going to work with Kai right now.

So, my wife is making this trip alone.

We had told Kai about Mom’s trip several weeks ago, and he did not react much. He did say that he wanted to go, too. But when my wife explained that she would go by herself, he seemed to accept it.

But now that the time for her to leave had arrived, it all finally hit home. He was sad as he hugged Mom before we all got in the car to go to the airport. He asked her to sit next to him in the car.

When we arrived at the airport, he did not get out of the car to say his goodbyes. He just wanted to go home.

But a stop at the grocery store on the way home lifted his spirits. I let him pick some of the items to buy and he happily chose papaya, watermelon, and corn on the cob.

At home, I tried to keep him busy. We played with a marble run. We went to the park. We watched a favorite video together as we adapted our video night tradition for a special lunchtime version.

In the afternoon, I gave him a choice of special activities. He chose miniature golf. But, he did not want to go to a new course. “Not without Mom,” he said. So, we went back to one we went to two weeks ago. And we had fun.

Later, he helped prepare dinner by husking the corn we had gotten earlier. And then we shared some laughs over dinner.

After dinner, he joined me in watching the end of the Chicago Bulls basketball game. Usually, I am happy to catch just a few minutes of games by myself while washing dishes. Kai sometimes likes to see the score, but rarely watches for more than a couple minutes.

This time, however, he shared my excitement as the Bulls made a basket to send the game into overtime, and then kept watching the entire overtime period as the Bulls went on to win the game. It was a father-and-son sports bonding moment that so many dads have all the time, but was a rare one for me.

So we had had a nice day. And for the most part, Kai did not seem sad.

But Mom was never far from his thoughts.

When the Bulls scored their 100th point, Kai shouted with glee. He said that 100 points meant that Mom has to come back early. I told him that wasn’t true, but he said that he couldn’t wait to tell her when we Skype with her.

I guess I can't expect him to get over Mom in one day, no matter how good it was.