Winter Break Activities

Kai returns to school this morning.

He made the most of winter break.

He worked on the various kits and sets that he received for Christmas and Hanukkah.

We made our annual visit to the Chicago Botanic Garden where we saw Wonderland Express, the exhibit of famous Chicago buildings made from plant materials, with model railroads running through them.

We tried going ice skating, though the ice in the outdoor rink wasn't quite thick enough yet.

We went sledding.

He also started reading from among the many books he received, did online math through the Khan Academy website, and we played a new board game as well.

It will not be easy for him to get back into the school routine. But it is time. I think my wife is looking forward to it.

Mother’s Day and Other Weekend Activities

It was another busy weekend.

I brought my dad over for another visit. Kai made it his mission to bring him up to speed on his latest collection, Trash Pack cards.



Of course it was Mother’s Day yesterday. Kai presented Mom with a hat and shirt that he had painted.



The three of us walked three dogs. I had the biggest dog, the Border Collie, Emi. Mom had the next biggest, the Cavalier King Charles, Momo. And, Kai had the smallest one, the Chihuahua, Shandy.



This weekend was the ice show that Kai and his special needs class has been practicing for. He ended up skating in three performances. Kai is in the purple shirt in the center.



The group performed a routine to the song We Are Family, and every member of the group wore a shirt that proclaimed a different member of the family. Some of the girls were Sister or Aunt. Some of the other boys were Brother, Uncle or Father. A few of the buddy skaters were Cousin.

Kai? He was Mother. Which I thought was odd, at first. I think whoever assigned the shirts didn’t realize that he was a boy. But given that it was Mother’s Day, I thought it was a nice tribute to Mom.



My sister and brother-in-law returned from their trip in time to join us for a Mother’s Day dinner at a teppanyaki restaurant. That is one of those Japanese steakhouses where the chef prepares the meal for you right at the table.

We had gone there once before, a couple years ago, and Kai’s lasting memory of that occasion was when the chef creates a huge flame at the table before cooking the meat. It’s intended to be exciting, but for my boy who is anxious about everything, all it did was get him scared. From the time the order taker first came to the table, he asked everyone, several times each, when the fire was going to happen.

And when it was finally time, he ran into Mom’s arms for safety.



But once that was over with, he enjoyed his meal.



I hope your weekend was just as nice!

Some Crabbiness, Some Sunshine

This weekend, Kai had his second practice for the ice show he’s skating in. After his great first practice, I was actually looking forward to this one. Alas, it was like we turned the clock back two years.

After just a few minutes on the ice, he skated off. He said he did not want to do the practice routine. He just wanted to skate.

I had him get back on the ice. But it wasn’t all that long before he came off the ice again.

He was mad. He said he did not want to skate in the show.

I really don’t know what had changed from three weeks ago when he was so happy. I reminded him that he liked the music for the show. He said, “I HATE THAT MUSIC!”

I said he could take a two-minute break, then go back out there. But after two minutes, he still did not want to go out there.

I was regretting that we decided to let him skate in the show. But I didn’t want to back out now. It is looking like there are only six special needs kids participating, so they need every single one of them.

I decided that I needed to resort to a threat. I told him he had a choice. He could either skate now, or he could not skate and instead go to another fitness session with his swim instructor the next day and miss the NASCAR race. Well, I knew he did not want an extra workout, and he did not want to miss the race, so that finally got him on the ice.

Though he did not skate particularly nicely, at least he was out there.

After the practice, he had his regular skating class. He did not want to skate there either. While waiting for the skating class to begin, he was extremely crabby.

But his skating buddy, Erica, kept persisting and he finally went on the ice with her. At first, I could see his crabbiness continue. But the more he skated the more he seemed to enjoy it.

After the class ended, we had to stay several minutes extra as we waited to have the group photo taken for the ice show. Two years ago, I had to drag him screaming to the photo shoot. This year he calmly and patiently waited for his group to be called. I think the bowling app on my phone had a little something to do with it, but I was glad that his irritation from earlier had dissipated.

Unlike two years ago...



this time, he took his picture nicely...



And then was happy the rest of the weekend.

He even gladly went on a long walk with the dogs on the nice sunny day we had yesterday.



This morning, though, it was raining. And you know what that meant.

“Mom, I’m scared!”

Oh well, let’s see what his mood is like in a couple hours.

Skate Show Practice – Two Years Later

My son has been enrolled in our local special needs ice skating class for three winters now.

The first time he took the class, we signed him up to participate with his group in the ice show that was held in the spring. The experience of the ice show itself was surprisingly good, but I still recoil every time I think of the practices for the show.

Kai hated the practices. They were long. They were boring. They mostly required that he stand and listen to the instructor give instructions, and then methodically do all the movements instructed. Kai often ended up lying on the ice, refusing to move.

The group photo for the show accurately reflects his demeanor on the ice.



I was somewhat relieved last year when his skating class did not participate in the ice show.

But this year, they will be in it once again.

I asked Kai if he wanted to be in the show. I told him that he did not have to participate, but if he said he did, he would have to attend the 8AM practices without complaint, listen to the teacher, and participate nicely.

He grouchily said, “OKAY, I’LL DO IT!” as if I was forcing him to.

I calmly repeated that he did not have to do the show, and he again said that he would.

This past Saturday morning was his first practice session.

After a short free skate warmup, the instructor gathered the young skaters together and walked them through the routine.

I kept waiting for Kai to explode.

But he did not.

And, actually, he seemed to enjoy it.

I could see him raising his arms up when the instructor did.

I could see him clapping in unison to the music.

Why, he was having fun, wasn’t he?

And afterward, he even admitted it.

Don't you like it when expected torture turns out to be fun?

Here’s hoping it will stay like that for the remaining practices.

Snippets from the Weekend

Back to a normal weekend after the piano recital and trip to Wisconsin Dells last weekend. There weren’t any big moments this weekend, but several little ones of note.

Kai has his special needs ice skating class on Saturday mornings. Children skate with a buddy who gives them a little instruction along with companionship. Kai’s buddy this year is a junior high student who is very friendly and nice to him.

As I watch them skate around the rink, I see Erica constantly talking to Kai. I rarely see him talking her.

I feel a bit sorry for Erica. I don’t know how much she understands about Kai’s special need and hopes that she is not taking his non-communicative behavior personally. I think she does understand that communication is one of his big challenges as she keeps plucking away each week, which I really appreciate.

After this week’s session, I asked Kai what she and Erica were talking about on the ice.

“I hate talking!” he huffed. And then he refused to say any more about it.

Sigh.

At home he will talk non-stop about Legos or Trashies or anything of interest to him, so it’s not that he hates talking. But a two-way communication, particularly with someone he is not as familiar with? That he hates.

We still have work to do.

*****
Kai and I planned to watch the Daytona 500 together yesterday. I wasn’t sure what time the race would start so I turned on the television to see how far along they were with the pre-race show. I could tell that they still had a ways to go until the race would begin, so I suggested turning off the tv.

Kai piped up. “It’s okay, Dad. You just have to be patient.”

My boy lecturing me on patience; ha!

We ended up watching the entire race, which will please his PE teacher at school.

Watching the race together was nice, but since when have they had so many commercials for erectile dysfunction products on NASCAR? Kai takes note of many commercials these days, often asking questions like ‘what is that product?’. I debated whether to turn off the tv during these commercials, but decided that it would only call attention to them. I was relieved that on this afternoon, I did not have to answer “Dad, what is sexual activity?”

*****
A similar experience occurred while we watched the Academy Awards. I used to enjoy watching the Oscars, back in the days when I used to see the movies that were nominated. But since becoming a family man, we have never sat down to watch the show together.

Yesterday, when Mom had one of the red carpet shows on, Kai was interested so we decided to watch. Though I think his initial interest was due to a misunderstanding. He kept saying something about Sesame Street. He often does not speak clearly so I had no idea why he was talking about Sesame Street. Finally my wife figured it out: Oscar from Sesame Street! We had to explain that this was a different Oscar.

I regretted letting Kai watch when Seth MacFarlane started to sing about “Boobs.” My son thought it was funny, though I couldn’t tell if he really understood what the song was about. My response, once again, was to squirm uncomfortably, ignore it, and hope that it ended soon.

I was a bit relieved when the host went on to his Sock Puppets bit, which was very funny and much more family friendly. Kai spent much of the rest of the evening asking me to replay it on his iPad. I tried to explain that it wasn’t a real commercial so it would not be on YouTube. He didn’t like that answer. But about a half hour later, I found that someone had already posted the opening monologue online and we watched the Sock Puppets once more.

*****
And finally, the photo of the weekend. We had several inches of snow late last week so we were able to go sledding.



Kai still prefers to go on the very small hill in our neighborhood instead of the taller one.

We usually only see toddlers on this baby hill. But Kai gets very anxious at the thought of going down to the big hill. And while I tried to get him to go down that big hill a couple years ago, I’ve let him have his fun on the small hill since. But this time I told him that this was the last year for the small hill.

Starting next winter, he graduates to the big hill, like it or not. I want to see him grow up when it comes to conquering his anxieties. Though when it comes to learning about ED or boobs, not so much.

Winter Weekend

With Christmas and Hanukkah now less than two weeks away, and the coldest weather of the season arriving, it really feels like the holiday season. This weekend, we took advantage.

On Friday night, Kai and I visited our town’s holiday festival that featured fabulous ice sculptures…
live reindeer…

and holiday lights.

Then, yesterday, we went skating as a family.

Kai has been doing really well at his skating class so my wife bought us all skates so that we could skate together. After our first family bike ride, we were looking forward to our first family skate since Kai learned to skate.

We wanted to skate outside, but our local park district has not created the outdoor rinks yet. But my wife remembered that they had build one next to Wrigley Field. So we drove into the city.

I’m not sure if it was the new skates or the unfamiliar environment, but Kai did not skate like he does during his Saturday morning classes. He barely moved along and said he wanted to go home. I wasn’t about to give up so easily.

I grabbed his hand and dragged him along. I haven’t skated much since I was a kid so my own skating is labored. My feet ached. But we moved along. Sometimes my wife would grab Kai’s other hand and we would pull him along together, and later she skated with Kai so that I could snap pictures.

After a break while the ice was Zamboni-ed, we went out for a few more laps. Kai finally started to skate more. He didn’t skate as well as he usually does. But at least he moved on his own a little bit.

It wasn’t a smashing success. But Kai didn’t quit. And it was time spent together on a sunny day.

I’ll take it.

Return to the Ice Rink

You know that winter is right around the corner with the start of my son’s ice skating class over the weekend.

A year ago, Kai took this class for the first time. He could barely stand up on his skates. He was very wobbly on the ice. He was scared, and wanted to clutch onto the girls who were helping him learn.

By the end of the class in the spring, he was able to skate on his own and even skated in an ice show.

Still, I wasn’t sure how he would react to the start of the class now. Sometimes he has anxiety about things that he hasn’t done in a little while. So I was relieved when he was happy to go to the class on Saturday morning.

And when we got there, he didn’t show any signs of the nearly five-month layoff from skating. He skated easily on his own.

On Sunday evening, we always have him do his homework where he has to write about one thing that he did over the weekend. He doesn’t like to write, so it is hard to get him to do this assignment at times. Other times he can’t decide what to write about.

This time, he knew right away that he wanted to write about his skating class. He wrote that he had fun and that it was his favorite thing over the weekend. Thinking about how far he has come in a year, it was my favorite thing, too.

Ice Show

My son skated in an ice show this weekend.

His group of kids with special needs has been working on their routine on Saturday mornings for the past two months. Kai hated the practices. For one thing, they were long. Some went for as long as an hour, which was long for the kids with attention issues considering that the routine doesn’t last much more than two minutes. And the practices weren’t as fun as when he was skating at his class. Most of the time, during the practices, the skaters were not actually skating. They were supposed to be listening to the coach as she taught them the movements.

My son, who did not do well listening to a teacher in a regular classroom setting, struggled with listening to the coach for long stretches when all he wanted to do was skate. Still, he usually was able to at least somewhat maintain his attention for about 20 minutes. After that, though, it was too much for him and he couldn’t stay focused on the task.

I wasn’t sure how he would do in the actual show. Would he even be willing to skate? Would it be overwhelming for him with the music blaring, the spotlights on, and the crowd of people watching?

His first performance was Friday night. When we got to the rink, it was something to see all of the kids in their beautiful costumes. You could tell that many of these young skaters were very devoted. Would Kai fit in with all of these serious skaters?

Waiting to go on was difficult. “Is it our turn?” he asked. I patiently explained that his group would skate after the group of young boys in the red baseball uniforms. If he didn’t see the boys in red, then he would know that they would have to wait some more. Just as I was thinking how well I had answered his question, he repeated it. And then again. And again. Literally every 5 seconds it was “Is it our turn?”

Sigh.

But then it was their turn. His teen skating buddy greeted him, took his hand, and they were off. A few minutes later, they were back. He was smiling. She said that he did really well.

The next afternoon, he skated again. This time we had tickets to sit in the stands to watch the entire performance. Kai enjoyed watching the skaters before him. Then it was time to get ready for his number. It was fun to see him perform. Unlike during the practices, he seemed to really enjoy the routine. With his group dressed in Cubs’ blue and the baseball music playing, they skated in a big circle, then waved their arms together. Kai’s favorite part was grabbing a simulated bat and smacking the woman dressed up as a baseball. We could see his smile even from where we were sitting in the stands. He did a great job.

We returned for one final performance the next day. He again enjoyed it.

The teen girls who had skated with him all these months were happy for him. I wished that he could answer their questions better and return their compliments. Instead, I spoke for him, thanking them for teaching him to skate and being there for him.

As we were leaving the rink, I thought back. Seven months ago, when we first came to the rink, Kai could barely stand up with his skates on. Now he had skated in an ice show and enjoyed it.

One of the girls told him that maybe next year he can learn to twirl.

I can’t wait.

Ice Show Practice + Cubs = Trauma

If all goes according to plan, my son will be participating in an ice show on Mother’s Day weekend. Of course, that is a big ‘if.’

This past Saturday was the first practice. At 8 AM, my son and I went to the same rink where Kai has his weekly skating class. Many of the kids in his special needs class are taking part in the show, so we decided to sign him up for it as well.

I was curious to see what type of routine these kids would be doing. While the disabilities of the kids vary, I know that several, including my son, have issues with behavior. I wondered how the teacher would be able to get them to perform together.

It wasn’t easy.

One boy refused to cooperate from the very beginning, skating away from the group and mostly hanging out in the corner of the rink while his teen assistant unsuccessfully tried to coax him to join the others. His mother commented that she would have been really stressed out and embarrassed if he was doing this in a class full of typical kids, but with this group she felt comfortable knowing that all of us other parents would understand. Still, I think she felt somewhat relieved when another boy started having problems, too.

That boy was my son.

At first, Kai skated along with the group nicely as the teacher tried to instruct the kids on the routine. The highlight of the performance will be a simple dance number set to the Steve Goodman song “Go Cubs Go.” Even on the first ragged attempt, the kids looked pretty cute as they waved their arms back and forth, somewhat in unison. During the actual performance, all of the kids will be wearing Cubs shirts.

After about a half hour, I saw Kai lying on the ice. Apparently, he had had enough.

Frankly, I couldn’t blame him. After all, it was the Cubs. Couldn’t they have picked a number that didn’t have anything to do with over a century of losing? I was hoping to spare my son a lifetime of heartache, but, here he was, only seven years old, and he was forced to dance on ice while listening to the musical fairytale that “The Cubs are gonna win today.”

Eventually he got up off the ice… so that he could skate off the rink and tell me that he wanted to go home. Practice wasn’t over yet, but I didn’t have the heart to subject him to more Cubs’ torture.

Still, the group photo for the ice show program was scheduled to be taken after practice so I wanted him to stick around. We went into the hallway and I tried to calm Kai down as he kept insisting, quite loudly and vehemently, that he wanted to go home.

When it was finally time for the photos, the girls who help him skate each week tried to cheer him up. He barked at them that he wanted to go home. I also tried being nice so that he would look somewhat pleasant for the photo. Yeah, that didn’t work.

So, I told him firmly that he was going to be in the picture and that I wanted to see a smile. If not, he would lose some privileges. When the photographer was setting up the group, I dragged him to the first row. He didn’t smile. The photographer snapped off a couple of shots. I have no doubt that my son will be the grouchiest-looking of all the hundreds of kids that will be in the program.

We shall see if he has any more of a smile in the show, or if he ends up skating in it at all. I just hope that the Cubs’ trauma doesn’t scar him for life as it did so many of us.


For those of you not from Chicago, here is the story of Steve Goodman and his "Go Cubs Go" song:

Saturday Mornings at the Skating Rink: The Joy of Watching

For the past four months, Saturday mornings has been one of my favorite times of the week. That is when my son takes an ice skating class for kids with special needs.

The program is outstanding in so many ways. First of all, it is great deal – $35 for 12 sessions including skate rental. While getting something worthwhile for a cheap price is always a good thing, it is particularly valued by parents of kids with special needs. As therapies and medical expenses are so expensive, it is great to have something that doesn’t cost so much for a change.

The low cost, as well as the general success of the program, hinges on volunteers who give their time to work with the kids. While there are a handful of adults who organize everything, the heart of the program are the two dozen or so junior high and high school girls who work with the kids and teach them to skate.

My favorite part of the class is watching: watching the volunteers as they encourage and help the kids move across the ice; watching the kids’ faces as they gain confidence and discover that they, too, can skate. But, most especially, I like watching the faces of the other parents. Their faces show the almost indescribable joy they feel as they see their child enjoying an activity that, at one time, most thought was beyond their capabilities.

It is a feeling that I can relate to.

When Kai was younger, he seemed incredibly clumsy. He was uncoordinated. He lacked core strength. When we got him into occupational therapy, we found out that many kids with autism have challenges with body awareness, muscle weakness, motor planning, and impaired balance.

I did not think that I would see the day that Kai would be able to skate like other kids.

This past Saturday, he made one lap around the rink, side by side with his helper, but without holding her hand. He immediately came off the ice because he wanted to tell me that he had skated 150 steps all by himself. I whooped with joy. After two more laps, he came off again. He had taken 250 steps, he said proudly. “A new record!” I proclaimed, as he quickly returned to the ice to skate more laps.

Alyse, his young helper, was beaming as she told me that Kai was doing a fantastic job. He doesn’t need to skate with her anymore, she said. He is ready to skate on his own.

A Boring Highlight of My Weekend

Picking the highlight of my weekend is tough today. There’s a lot to choose from.

It started out well on Friday afternoon. Our son came home from school and his point-sheet showed that he had a really good day, thus completing his second straight good, safe, incident-free week at school. (With another incident-free day today, Kai will make it to Level 2, and I will be a little anxious until I find out if he makes it.)

Anyway, for doing so well, my wife gave him a Lego Advent calendar. She had planned to give it to him on December 1, but he got it ten days early as a special reward. Up until very recently, Kai was never much for Legos. He had neither the fine motor skills to work with the smaller pieces nor the patience to put them together. This set came with 24 different Lego builds, with the idea that your child would do one on each of the first 24 days of December. But, when Kai saw it, he wanted to work on all of them. I thought he might get frustrated or lose interest after one or two, but he diligently kept working on one after another. He studied each picture carefully, and with only very minimal help from Mom and Dad, he completed all 24 figures. I was truly impressed.

But, that is not the highlight of my weekend.

On Saturday morning, Kai had his ice skating class for kids with special needs. Here, local high school and junior high girls assist the students to skate. Kai has been taking the class for nearly two months now, and was already moving better than I thought he would. I originally thought that just standing up and balancing on the skates would be difficult for him, but it didn’t take long before he was moving along with girls on either side of him holding his hands. This Saturday though, was the first time that one of the girls gave him a hockey stick and let him skate by himself. I was truly amazed as he moved around the rink independently, totally overcoming my skepticism.

But, that is not the highlight of my weekend.

On Saturday afternoon, we went to see a local community theater production of Snoopy! The Musical. It is a sequel to the more famous musical You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown. We had gone to a play with Kai once before, and it was embarrassing as he talked loudly and shouted things to the cast right in the middle of the performance. This time, we reminded him of the rules for the theater and hoped for the best. Kai loved the show! He was very excited, but contained his comments to an appropriate level. It was fun to see him clapping and shouting “Wahooo!” at the end of each musical number. And, most importantly, he then quieted down when the applause died down. It was another sign of maturity and progress.

But, that is not the highlight of my weekend.

Yesterday, I popped inside the house after working on cleaning out our gutters. My wife was in the kitchen trying to finish something when I heard Kai call out from the play room. “Mommy, I’m bored!” Yes, that familiar refrain that is the bane of mothers everywhere. Except that we had never heard that before from Kai. I was startled. How wonderful that he was able to express himself like so many other kids! I shook my head and smiled as I went back outside, leaving my wife to deal with Kai’s boredom.

Now that was the highlight of my weekend.