Another Try at Bicycling

It was certainly an achievement worth celebrating when Kai learned to ride a bicycle – after all, it was something we thought he might never do – but it hasn’t exactly been all fun times on the bike since then.

The typical scenario has been that Kai doesn’t want to go riding; it is something we have to force him to do. Then, once on the path, he is mostly anxious the whole time, pedaling very slowly so as not to run into the rider who is 50 yards in front of him, and usually unable to make it up even the slightest inclines.

This weekend, we took another crack at it.

We started off on Saturday on a short trail in our neighborhood. From past experience, we learned that if Kai hasn’t done an activity in a while, it is best to start him off slowly. And so on this day we rode only a couple miles, focusing on reminding him of some basics while building up his confidence.

The next day, we went to our favorite trail along the Skokie Lagoons.

He was a bit nervous as we started out. But unlike previous times, he seemed to relax quicker. I kept encouraging him from behind while my wife took the lead.

He pedaled faster than he had before, traveling at a more normal pace. He worked up enough speed to make it up the inclines, and on the downhills he made a sound I hadn’t heard from him before.

“Wheeeee!” he said, in enjoyment, not fear.

He was actually having fun on his bicycle.

This family bike-riding may yet turn out to be the enjoyable activity that I had dreamed of.

After the bike ride, we walked over to where they were renting canoes.

As we were all in good spirits, that was a fun activity, too.

Hope you had a nice holiday weekend, too!

Making (Some) Progress on the Bike

After a rainy few days, the sun came out on Sunday so we were able to get out on our bicycles once again.

We went back to our favorite forest preserve along the Skokie Lagoons, but this time we convinced Kai to go on a different path that goes in the opposite direction. That was no small deal as Kai is a boy who usually prefers to stay well within his comfort zone and just do things that he is very familiar with.

As we started riding, Kai seemed much more comfortable on his bike. He didn’t seem so anxious to be on his bike, and he was pedaling a bit faster than how he started last week. Though still riding far behind Mom, still afraid that he would crash into her if he rode too closely. In the photo below, can you see the tiny spot of pink far ahead of us? That is my wife, and that is about as close as Kai felt comfortable getting.

Besides riding so far behind Mom, when other riders passed going in the opposite direction, Kai would sometimes yell out, “I’m scared!” as if they would crash into him.

But I also heard him humming as he was riding. That was a good indication that he was mostly relaxed and enjoying himself.

But it wouldn’t be an outing with Kai if he didn’t get really upset about something.

Unlike our other path that loops around back to our starting point, this one goes on for many miles. As we did not want to travel all the way to the end, we picked a spot to stop, turn around, and head back.

We had all agreed that our turnaround point would be Lake Street. But it wasn’t until Kai and I stopped to look at a map that we realized that there was no intersection there; rather, there was an overpass.

We tried to yell to Mom to stop before the bridge. But as we were riding so far behind her, we weren’t sure she heard us.

As we slowed down to stop, we yelled to Mom to stop. But she kept riding up and over the bridge, disappearing from view.

“MOM!!! COME BACK!!!”

I told Kai that Mom would come back soon. But he would not calm down.

“When she comes back, she should get a big punishment!”

I told him that if we were riding closer, Mom would have heard us.

I called her on he cell phone and she came back. Kai wasn’t exactly happy to see her.

“Mom, you did a bad job!”

Sigh.

We resumed riding. Kai was crabby much of the way back, complaining of how his legs couldn’t pedal any longer. I wasn’t surprised that he felt tired. Our old path was about 4 miles; this time we biked about 7 or 8 miles, so we went about twice as far.

I was exhausted, too. Not from the distance, but from constantly exhorting Kai to keep going.

When we caught up with my wife back at the starting point, she was cheerful about how beautiful the new path was. I grumpily agreed.

She enthusiastically praised Kai for making the longer ride.

And though I wasn’t exactly in an enthusiastic mood, I agree. He did deserve the praise.

Progress is measured in many ways. On this day, it was by the length of a little longer bike ride.

Full Weekend: Old and New Activities

Our weekends got even busier than they had been as new activities started up this weekend.

Kai attended his first special needs ice skating class of the season. He seemed happy to be back on the ice and looked like he did not forget how to skate over the summer.

On Saturdays, we also have his special needs soccer game. This week, it started to rain lightly just as we got to the field. It was peculiar when he wasn’t bothered at all by the heavy rain last weekend when we were in our tent, but just this little light rain on Saturday was enough to get him upset and he kept pestering us that he wanted to go home.

He refused to go on the field and practice before the game would start. And then he really got angry when we had to clear off the field and go under the shelter when it started thundering. The plan was to wait it out a few minutes to see if the rain would let up. But even under the safety of the shelter, Kai kept complaining and repeatedly said he wanted to go home. Finally, it the game was called, Dad had to walk over to the faraway parking lot to get the car, and drove home.

The highlight of our Saturday, though, was a new activity that we had Kai try for the first time, a boxing class for children with special needs.

We had heard about Jordan’s Corner through word of mouth. It sounded like the perfect activity for Kai. It would provide exercise, which we’d like him to get more of, and perhaps it would give him an opportunity to release some of his aggression.

The class is a fast-paced mix of exercise and boxing.

Here you see Kai getting instruction on punching. I think the big smile on his face says it all.

Toward the end of the class, each child gets a turn to spar with the teacher. As this was Kai’s first session, he was a bit tentative compared with some of the kids who had been there before. Still, you can see that he enjoyed it.

I think this will be an activity he looks forward to every week.

After the rain on Saturday, we welcomed the nice sunny day on Sunday. We went back to the Skokie Lagoons to canoe and see a different part than we saw a couple weeks ago.

And then, afterward, we worked on Kai’s biking.

I had tried to loosen up his hand brakes to make them easier for his little hands to grip and squeeze. But I wasn’t successful, so we took his bike over to a local bike shop and they were able to do the job.

I wanted to go right on the bike trail near where we went canoeing, but my wife suggested that he practice at our school parking lot first. This time, I took her suggestion right away.

He did several laps around the parking lot, and then I had him slow down and squeeze the brake. He was able to do it and the bike stopped.

The only issue was that he did not stand up off of his seat, so that when he comes to a stop he does not feel comfortable as his feet can hardly touch the ground as he is still sitting on his seat.

I repeatedly tried to get him to practice lifting up off his seat, keep his left foot on the peddle while lowering his right foot forward to the ground as he stopped. It is always an eye opener for me when something that seems easy proves difficult with Kai. I try to break the instructions down into simple steps, but he still struggles.

My wife later suggested that we practice this while I hold the bike, as Kai may be more relaxed to try it on a stationary bike than one that is moving.

All in all, though, I was happy that he went back on the bike. After last weekend’s trauma, even that small step is good progress.

Hope you had a nice weekend, too.

Door County Camping Trip

We went on our annual fall camping trip this past weekend.

For the last few years, we have been going down to the area of Starved Rock State Park, southwest of Chicago, right here in Illinois. But this year we wanted to try someplace new, and made the 4-hour drive up north to Door County in Wisconsin.

Door County is well known as a popular summer retreat for many Chicagoans, but this was our first visit. It is famous for its woods, waters, charming towns, fish boils, and throngs of Chicagoans who visit.

I was especially looking forward to the trip, particularly as it followed a busy week of work that had me flying to Mexico City for a few days. And though Kai asked me what hotel I stayed at down there during my “vacation,” rest assured that the business trip was no vacation.

And so I was glad to put all that behind me as we drove up through Wisconsin.

Our destination was Peninsula State Park, which is located on the beautiful shores of Green Bay (the bay, not the town), about three-quarters of the way up into Door Peninsula.

We were able to pitch the tent before it got dark, then started a campfire and grilled hamburgers before roasting marshmallows.

Here you can see Kai’s attempt to roast two marshmallows at once resulted in one being burnt to a crisp while the other not roasted at all.

Though on his next attempt he was much more successful and he was able to enjoy s’mores.

We were all in good spirits the next morning.

Kai found a tree at our campsite that was perfect to climb on.

Our plan for the morning was to go bike riding. Last week, I could only show you pictures of Kai riding his bike in a parking lot, as we were not able to actually ride on any trails. But with many beautiful trails at Peninsula, my wife and I were looking forward to a great morning riding through the forest.

But don’t bother scrolling down to see a photo of us bicycling. There is no such picture.

Shortly after we started riding, we came to an area where we could get a good view of the bay. My wife stopped and got off her bike.

Kai was riding behind her. He started yelling that he could not stop, and leaped off his bike while it was still moving faster than it should have to be jumping off. He tumbled to the asphalt surface, scraping his knee and doing more serious damage to his psyche.

His previous bike had foot brakes, and he apparently was not yet used to the hand brakes on his new bike. Admittedly, they are a little difficult for his small hands to squeeze. Apparently, he did not think he could use his brakes so he jumped off instead.

I cleaned the blood off his knee and told him that he would be fine. He did not think so.

“I DON’T EVER WANT TO RIDE THIS BIKE AGAIN!”

I asked him to practice squeezing his hand brakes. He said he could not squeeze it, though it looked to me like he wasn’t trying at all.

I tried to get him to get back on the bike so that I could teach him how to put his feet down to slow down if he needed to, rather than leaping off the bike.

“I’M NOT GETTING ON THAT BIKE!”

My wife and I tried to reason with him, telling him that he was able to ride so well the week before. It was just one fall but he knows how to ride.

Eventually, after much screaming, most of it on his part, he got back on the bike and we rode a little farther. But every time we came to a small hill, he stopped and got off the bike. We finally decided to ride back to the tent and forget about bike riding for this weekend.

None of us were feeling good. My wife and I were certainly let down, to put it mildly, from our hopes of a fun morning on the trails. Kai was feeling drained from his own emotional trauma with the bike.

At that point, I was wondering if we would have any fun at all that weekend.

After a short break, we drove into the nearest town, Fish Creek, where we walked around town and browsed a couple of shops.

After a lunch of fish sandwiches and chili, we drove to see more of the area, going all the way to the tip of Door Peninsula to where the ferry departs for Washington Island.

We made it back to the State Park in time to go to the beach. The water was cold, but Kai never seems to mind that. We waded out to the end of the roped off area, but even out there it was still too shallow to actually swim.

Still, Kai enjoyed splashing around.

We grilled up chicken for dinner, and quickly ate it and put everything away so that we could drive up to Sven’s Bluff to watch the sun set from up high.

Alas, by that time, the clouds were rolling in. The view was still great from up high, but there was no sunset to be seen.

That night, it rained quite heavily for a few hours. A bit of water leaked into our tent, mostly on my side, but we stayed dry for the most part.

The most remarkable thing was that the boy who is normally afraid of all storms when he is in the safety of our house had no anxiety about being in a tent during this storm.

The next morning, after breakfast, we drove around to other areas of the State Park.

We had some great views from up high. A few trees were turning color and we imagined how spectacular the sights would be in a couple of weeks.

The most popular destination at the Park is Eagle Tower, a 75-foot structure that towers over Green Bay.

We climbed to the top and enjoyed the great views.

And then worked our way down the narrow stairs.

We went back to our campsite and packed up our still-wet tent and other gear.

And then we drove over to Bailey’s Harbor, a little town on the Lake Michigan side of the Peninsula.

We browsed a few more shops, had lunch near the shore of the lake, and stopped now and then to take in the charms of this town.

It was time to get back home.

Things didn’t all go according to plan. I guess I should have learned by now that they often don’t.

But looking back on the weekend, we still had a lot of good times. Enough to make us want to return to Door County again. We want to see more of the area. We want to experience a fish boil.

And we want to ride more of the bike trails.

Maybe next year.

Busy Weekend

But before we get to our weekend activities, since sports championships are rare in our city, here’s a picture of Kai hoisting the Stanley Cup, at least, the one he made in summer school on Friday.

The weekend always feels busier when we have dogs to take care of. And this weekend, we had three active, noisy dogs staying with us, plus we went over to someone else’s house to take two other dogs walking. So, we had a lot of walking to do.

One particularly nice thing was that Kai did not complain about having to walk so much. In fact, he looked forward to the walks. On Sunday, when Kai was busy with a workout with his swim instructor, my wife thought about going for a walk without him. But since he had let us know how much he wanted to see Georgie and Mancha, we decided to wait for him.

I was glad we had waited as he really enjoyed the walk, and we got to see a different neighborhood than our own, one that had some interesting sights.

Aside from taking care of the dogs, we were able to make a quick trip up over the Wisconsin border on Saturday for our annual outing to pick strawberries.

Usually it is extremely hot and muggy, and while we enjoy picking one basket of berries, we endure the heat to pick another one just to make our drive feel worthwhile.

But this was an usually cool weekend, and all the rain we had had made for a bumper crop this year. And it made for pleasant conditions to pick berries.

And eat berries.

Technically, we probably are not supposed to eat the berries in the field. But I think the owners know that is part of the fun of the pick-your-own experience and account for that in their pricing.

Anyway, Kai had a nice time. I was very happy that he did not seem anxious about the impending rain, and never complained once even when it started drizzling. I don’t know why he was so calm, as usually any hint of rain brings on tons of anxiety.

The next day, we went for a family bike ride. We had not gone at all this year, so it has been a long time since Kai went riding with us. And that brought out some anxiety.

He complained through much of the first mile.

But with a steady stream of encouragement, and just feeling comfortable being back on the bicycle, he gradually got less cranky and more happy.

And by the time we were done, he was looking forward to going riding again.

And so it was a busy weekend. And a good weekend.

Family Bike Ride

After our son’s recognition ceremony the other day, we celebrated by going for a family bike ride.

Last fall, after Kai finally learned to ride a bike, we rode together several times. But once we stopped over the winter, biking slipped our mind and we did not get back to it until Wednesday.

This time, we decided to try a new trail, along a forest preserve not too far from our house.

I took the lead, while Kai was supposed to ride behind me, with my wife in back of him. But Kai was tentative, as his anxiety about riding had returned. He still remembered how to ride, but he pedaled about as slowly as you can while still moving.

I hardly pedaled at all except for places when we went uphill. Still, Kai trailed far behind me.

When I stopped to wait, he yelled at me to keep pedaling. And if I kept waiting, his yells would reach a panic pitch, as if he were afraid he was going to crash into me despite the fact that I always seemed to be about 30 yards ahead of him.

Still, I was pleased that he didn’t ask to turn back or go home. All too often, our attempts at activities like this end early with Kai quitting, me getting frustrated, and all having a bad time.

On this occasion, the weather was perfect for biking, and as we biked along we enjoyed the scenic path.

The path had mile markers along the way, and perhaps that helped motivate him to keep going.

The loop we made was 4.4 miles. That is not far, but it was the farthest and longest we had biked together.

And when we finished, we celebrated with ice cream and a popsicle.



It could not have been a nicer day all around.

Bike Riding Season Just Beginning

For most, bicycle-riding season ended a couple months ago. For us, it has just begun.

This week’s column updates Patch readers on our attempts to teach Kai how to ride a bicycle, and our long dormant dream of going for a family bike ride.

Click here to read the whole story.

Dad and Son Weekend

My wife was sick this weekend so it was just me and Kai hanging out for the most part.

Saturdays are always a busy day with a bunch of Kai’s activities. This week was the last soccer game of the season. It is a sure sign that winter is about to arrive here in the Midwest when the last game ends as the sun is setting, the parents are shivering, and the trophies are handed out.

On Sunday morning, Kai and I went to a park where he rode his bicycle and played in the playground. This playground has some equipment beyond the usual slides and swings. Kai’s favorite was this thing that starts spinning as soon as you sit on it.

It always amazed me how much Kai can spin without, apparently, feeling dizzy. I tried to sit on one but after about three spins I had to get off. Kai kept going and going for several minutes, and even asked me to spin him faster. Though, when he finally got off, he, unusually, said that he was dizzy as he lied on the ground for a little while.

In the afternoon, he and I went for a bike ride together. It is so nice to see him continuing to want to ride. What a change from the past when he screamed if we even mentioned the thought.

Later, he even wanted to go riding again. But by then it was getting dark. After insisting for a while that he still wanted to ride, he finally relented to my idea of walking over to the park instead. I put a headband light on him and we were set.

There is something about going down the slide in the dark that makes it more exciting.

And there is something about alone time between father and son that builds special bonds.

The Dream of a Family Bike Ride

It has been my wife’s dream that one day the three of us would ride bicycles together. Our son’s inability to ride a bike had delayed that dream, and made it a seemingly impossible one.

My own efforts to teach Kai how to ride a bike had been unsuccessful, and at times, very frustrating. This past summer, we enrolled him in a bicycle class for kids with special needs. He made a little progress, but was still unable to ride on his own without training wheels. He was afraid to ride, and did not enjoy it.

One day my wife made mention of Kai’s bicycle challenges to his swim instructor. James was the one who taught Kai how to swim after we saw little progress with other instructors. And he said that he could teach Kai how to ride a bicycle, too.

So, for the past two plus months, James has worked with Kai on bike riding.

He used Kai’s love of numbers to give him the five rules of riding:

1. Look ahead.
2. Keep your arms straight.
3. Go fast.
4. Keep your hands on the handlebar.
5. Keep your feet on the pedals

At first, James ran alongside and held on to a bar attached to Kai’s bike to keep him from falling over as they did laps around a block that had wide, sparsely used sidewalks.

It was a wonderful moment a few weeks ago, when I first saw James running behind Kai’s bike, not hanging on. Kai was able to ride on his own on straight areas, and somewhat on turns, though James said that Kai still needed help to start and stop.

Since then, he’s made further improvements. Even better, Kai seems to enjoy riding and doesn’t protest having to as he once did.

So, yesterday, for the first time, my wife and I decided that we would try riding bikes with Kai.

From our house, we walked our bikes over to a nearby path. To get started on the bike, Kai still needs a little help to get going. So, I kept him balanced and gave him a little push. And then he was off.

My wife went next while I grabbed my bike, got on, and caught up to them.

Kai was riding. He was really riding. And we were riding with him.

We rode a couple of miles to the end of the path. After a short break, we turned around and rode home. It was less than half an hour in all. But it was the highlight of our weekend.

Knowing that our son can ride a bike, and enjoy it, means we can go riding as a family in many different places.

Our dream has come true.

And though this is a relatively small one, its achievement gives us hope that the big dreams – of our son going to college, of being able to get a job, and living independently – may also be attainable one day, too.


Coming Wednesday: Why we had to call 911 after we got home from our ride

A Bonding Moment

I experienced an incredible connection with my son the other day. And it arose out of one of our most frustrating moments.

With my son enrolled in a bicycle riding class this summer and making more of an effort to learn to ride, I took him out for more practice over the weekend.

After my last exhausting practice session with Kai, I realized that balance was the biggest issue with his riding. I was doing all the work of keeping him on the bike. He did not try to adjust his body to maintain his balance and he depended on me to keep him upright. I thought that as long as I held onto the bike as he pedaled, he would never really learn how to balance himself properly.

And so, this time, I decided to try a different technique.

This method employs a modified bicycle with no pedals on it. The idea is that the child sits on the bike with his feet on the ground, and then moves by pushing with his feet. Once he becomes adept at scooting along, he is told to pick up his feet and coast. When scooting and coasting are mastered, the child can learn turning and steering.

Because the child can put his feet down at any time, the risk of falling is minimal. And when he masters scooting, coasting, and turning on this modified bicycle, he is ready to ride with pedals.

I had Kai get on a small, modified bike that we got from a friend just for this purpose. Our friend successfully taught her two kids to ride using this method.

Kai took just a few steps with the bike and immediately got frustrated. He had a hard time moving along.

From what I could tell, his balance was so bad that even with his feet on the ground, his bike leaned to one side and made movement and steering difficult.

I told him to sit straight. He kept leaning to the left.

I advised him to take slow steps. He was angry and took quick steps. That only made it more difficult for him.

I tried to encourage him to keep stepping. He kept stopping.

I pointed out a landmark, just a short distance away, and told him we would turn around to go home from that point. He threw down his bike and said he wanted to quit now.

I was surprised at how hard this seemingly simple action was for him. And I was frustrated with his frustration.

I told him sternly that he would not quit. I acknowledged that this was difficult for him but tried to explain the importance of not giving up. I don’t know how much of that he understood.

When he threw down his helmet and started to walk home, I resorted to making a threat. I told him that I would take away his penny collection if he did not keep trying.

And that really angered him. He spit at me. When his spit didn’t reach me, he walked up right next to me and spit again. I told him that he shouldn’t spit at people and pushed him away.

When Kai is mad, he tells me that I am not his dad anymore. And that is what he shouted to me then. He said that Mom would find him a new one. I told him that it didn’t work that way; I was his dad and he was stuck with me.

Though he was mad, he got back on the bike and stepped the short distance that I originally wanted him to. I gave him props for completing the activity, though I wasn’t feeling too happy about the whole thing.

Once we got home, we both calmed down and had a nice evening.

But I wanted to reflect with him on how things had gone that afternoon.

At bedtime, after I turned out the lights and tucked him in, I told him that I was hurt that he spit at me and that he said that he didn’t want me to be his dad anymore. He started to cry.

I told him that his mom and I do everything we do because we love him and want him to grow up to have a good life. I said that I know that I can be tough on him and that I understood how hard it was for him to ride the bike, but that I didn’t want him to quit because I want him to develop good habits so that he can grow up to be a happy young man.

By this time, he was really crying hard. He told me that he was sorry, and he seemed really sincere about it. It was one of the few times I had seen true sadness and regret from him.

I told him how much I loved him, and we said good night.

Shortly after I left his room, he came out and said that he couldn’t go to sleep until he wrote me a letter telling me how sorry he was. I told him that he didn’t need to write me a letter, but that I would take a big hug.

We hugged a good long time. I told him how happy and proud I am to have him as my son. We both said, “I love you” several times.

The psychologist who works with Kai has told us that he is afraid to have sad emotions and often gets angry or acts silly to hide his true feelings. On this night, he faced his emotions. And because of that, we connected.

I never will forget that feeling.

Now I just need to find a way to help him with his balance on the bike.

Easy As Riding A Bicycle?

This week’s column in the Patch takes a look at our long history of trying to teach Kai to ride a bicycle. Read all about it here.

Riding a Bike a Different Rite of Passage

Learning to ride a bicycle seems like a mini rite of passage for many kids.  Along with becoming more mobile, it usually leads to a greater degree of independence.  It is a rite that my six year old son has not yet taken, though certainly not for lack of trying on our part.

When Kai was a toddler, he never got enjoyment from riding a tricycle.  While other kids pedaled as fast as their little legs can go, Kai hardly moved whenever we placed him on his trike. 

When he turned four, we got him his first bicycle.  It was shiny and blue and had a Thomas the Tank Engine picture on it.  He never wanted to ride it.

When he turned five, my wife thought that a new bike would get him more excited about riding.  Perhaps he needed one that was slightly bigger, and more comfortable for his growing body. We got one that was shiny and red and did not have any silly pictures on it.  He never wanted to ride that one either.

We tried hard to get him to ride.  One time, using his love of numbers as motivation, we created a series of small flags, each with a different number on them, and lined them up on the path at a nearby park.  The idea was that I would run alongside Kai, helping him as needed while he would be pedaling hard and excited about making it to each subsequent number.  My wife would be at the finish line, waving the final flag, and yelling encouragement. 

While Kai loved the numbers, he showed no inclination to pedal on his own and I was mostly pushing him the entire way.  After several attempts, I was out of gas.

Eventually, we accepted that riding a bike was not his thing.  We came to understand that issues with his vestibular system impair his spatial orientation.  He does not know where his body is in relation to the space around him, and that, in turn, makes movement difficult for him.  He is easily scared when he does not have his feet on the ground.  For that same reason, he doesn’t like to ride on swings.

This summer, we did not get a new bike.  We haven’t created number flags.  He hasn’t been on his bike once. 

Until Monday.

His new OT has been working with him on movement.  He’s been doing better at swinging on a rope when he is with her.  She got him to promise to try to ride his bike once before his next session with her.  When he came home that day, he asked me to get his bike out.

He got on and rode around the block.  Yesterday, he wanted to ride again.  He rode a little farther. 

He still has his training wheels on his bicycle.  He rides very slowly.  I’m not sure if he will ever ride the way most kids do. 

But, that’s okay.  It’s just nice to see that he is overcoming his fears and is beginning to have better spatial awareness. 

That is what I consider a rite of passage.