Challenges and the 5K

Our challenges with Kai have continued the past couple of weeks.

During the short break between the end of the school year and the beginning of summer school, we went up to Michigan. We left Kai with his grandparents for two days/one night while my wife and I went to my dad’s old house along with my sister and brother-in-law to go through all of the stuff that is still there.

We had left Kai with his grandparents a couple of months earlier, and that time all went relatively well. This time, not so much.

Kai gave his grandparents a hard time, not listening and oftentimes refusing to do anything other than playing on the iPad. His grandfather is more like me in that he is not one to put up with such behavior, and apparently Kai didn’t like it when he didn’t get his way.

He fired his grandfather, apparently similar to how he has fired me and his teachers many times in the past.

Sigh.

You don’t fire your grandfather.

You can be sure that we had a good talk with Kai on the car ride home. But one of our challenges has been that reasoning does not seem to always work well with him.

How do you correct behavior when he does not seem to comprehend what he did wrong?

* * * * *
The day after we got home from Michigan, Kai started summer school. He also transitioned into his fifth grade classroom.

He did not have an auspicious start.

He had an incident in the very first moment of his first day of fifth grade.

He had some problem with saying the Pledge of Allegiance. We are not sure what his issue with the Pledge is, but we had heard from him before that he does not like it. This time he disrupted class and got him off to a rocky start.

It didn’t get much better.

He had other incidents during the week.

But the worst was at the very end of the week.

While riding the van back to school after a field trip to the aquarium in the city, Kai said that he had to use the bathroom. This, despite having used the bathroom just prior to getting on the van. When the driver could not find a bathroom, Kai dropped his pants and peed right in the van. While we can’t say for sure, it sounds like he did it out of anger rather than because he truly could not hold it.

* * * * *
The 5K that we have been training for was run yesterday.

We weren’t nearly as ready for it as I had wanted to be. Every time I wanted to increase the distance of our training runs, Kai complained about being too tired to run. Or that his leg was sore. Or some other reason why he could not run any more. So, the longest we had run prior to the race was about half of the 5K distance we would have to cover.

I was not looking forward to the race.

But Kai seemed happy prior to the race.

He even was well behaved during the national anthem.

And when we started he ran nicely.

But after a mile or so, he was barely walking, let alone running. Kai was loudly complaining that he could not do any more.

One of his classmates caught up to us, and he encouraged Kai to keep going. Kai kept whining but we kept moving, occasionally jogging for a while before slowing down to walk.

When we were within a half mile or so of the finish, we could see the end and hear the crowd at the end. Kai started to regain energy.

He ran that entire last half mile, finishing up with a strong sprint that outpaced his mom and me.

It wasn’t painless, but it was an accomplishment, of sorts.

He did it. Ultimately, he didn't give up. He finished strong.

UPDATED for the following photo of Kai and me crossing the finish line (courtesy of one of the staff at Kai's school):

Now, hopefully we can all persevere through our other challenges and find a way to the finish line.

Weekend Snippets

Kai’s school is putting a team together for a 5K run in June. My wife suggested that we all participate, and Kai was surprisingly enthusiastic about the idea. On Saturday morning, he insisted that we go for a run together before breakfast.

It has been nearly two years since we went running. In the past he often complained about being too tired halfway through. But this time he was in good spirits throughout and kept up the admittedly slow pace. The photo below was taken immediately afterward as we came home and my wife took our latest dog out for a walk.

This first run was just under a mile, so we have to build up distance over the next three months. Let’s see if he maintains his enthusiasm.

* * * * *
We participated in the exercise class at my dad’s assisted living facility.

Kai wasn’t all that into the exercise, but he did take a nice picture here with Ojiichan.

* * * * *
We have taken a few family classes at the Chicago Botanic Garden. The topic this month was terrariums. We got to make our own to take home.

And then afterward we got to tour the orchid show again for free

Hope you had a nice weekend, too.

Two Tough Hours

I have been trying to keep our New Year resolution to have Kai exercise more. We don’t have time to run very often, but I have been trying to get Kai out at least a couple times per week.

The last time we went, he ran nicely, staying on pace and not complaining one time. So, I was hopeful as we departed to go to the Rec Center yesterday.

He seemed to be in a good mood, not whining about going like he sometimes does. And we even got through having him tie his own shoelaces (with a little help) without too much difficulty.

The Rec Center is only about a mile from our house as the crow flies, but to drive there you have to make two left turns at busy intersections. When a large number of cars are lined up to turn, you may have to wait through a couple of light changes, with a long wait in between each time.

As we were stopped at one light for what seemed forever, Kai’s throat-clearing tic, which has returned in recent weeks, got particularly vociferous. It was a sign that he was feeling anxious.

The short drive to the Rec Center easily took 15 minutes and Kai’s mood had changed dramatically in that time. It took a long time just to get him to walk from the car into the building.

We wanted to start stretching, but he said he had to use the bathroom first. As it was a one-person-at-a-time men’s room, we had to wait for someone to come out before he could go in. And when it was Kai’s turn, he entered and started screaming.

I went in to see what the problem was. He said he hated this bathroom because it was dirty. In actuality, it wasn’t really dirty at all, though it was a bit stinky. He started to pee, but was shaking his you-know-what in anger, spraying his own pee around the edge and outside of the bowl.

Of course, I had him clean it up (though I had to clean it up afterward to get it really clean).

By this time, my hopes of running were dim, but since we were there I still wanted to try.

My wife was calmer than I was and she led us in our stretching. But Kai whined that he did not want to run.

I could see that we were not going to run this day, and told him that we would leave. But I added that he would not be allowed to watch any videos or use the iPad the rest of the day, as he had not given a good effort. He did not like that idea, so he insisted that he would run.

We walked one lap to warm up. But when it was time to start running, he again said that he did not want to.

I threw him his coat and told him that we were leaving. He would not have any video time.

He started yelling that he would run, but we told him that it was too late. He had a chance and did not run. There would be no more chances on this day.

We drove home, arriving about an hour after we had started out, having accomplished nothing but getting everyone upset.

And then it was time to do homework, which he refused to do for quite awhile, even tearing up the paper at one point. Eventually, he did his homework. It took about five minutes to do, just a fraction of the time he spent complaining about it.

It was a draining couple of hours.

And I question whether it is worth trying to do the whole Family Run thing if he hates it so much. On one hand, the confluence of the light signals and stinky bathroom may have just been too much to overcome and we should try again. But I know that he doesn’t really enjoy running, even when I get him to do it.

Perhaps I need to try something else. Or maybe change my approach.

Though the whole thing is tiring to think about right now.

Bonding Time to Start Each Day

For about two months now, my six year old son and I have gone for a jog nearly every morning before breakfast. The routine started when Kai was in summer school and his teacher reported that he seemed lethargic when he first arrives at school. The idea is that getting out and doing some exercise will wake him up more before school begins. We also heard that movement is generally good for kids with autism, and helps them stay regulated.

There are days when he doesn’t want to go. But, usually once we are out, he enjoys it. Sometimes he will stop to pick up acorns or leaves, and then I have to prompt him to keep running. It’s not always great exercise, but I’m not doing this to train him to become a marathon runner.

It’s pretty quiet out when we’re jogging and we don’t see too many people. The ones we do see usually give a smile. They don’t see too many six year olds out running with their dad. I’ll say “good morning” to them and sometimes Kai does the same. One morning he saw a group of gardeners starting to work on a yard and told them, “You’re doing a good job!”

Now that it is becoming fall, it’s not so hot in the morning. The sun is just coming up when we’re out running. I don’t know how much this is helping him get off to a good start each day at school. But, I treasure it as a nice, peaceful time to have a little dad-and-son bonding.