Monday, November 21, 2011


Of course we love our son. Of course.

But, these days, there are more and more times when it is difficult to like him. Or, perhaps I should say that he is doing more and more things that we do not like to see.

I’ve written about Kai’s increased incidents at school. But, things are more challenging at home, too.

And what bothers us the most is Kai’s anger. When he is angry, he becomes a different person.

Gone is the sweet boy who is affectionate. Gone is the wonderful smile. Gone is the jovial laughter.

In its place is rage.

And, these days, all too often, the rage is accompanied by mean words directed at my wife or me.

“You idiot!”

I’ve heard that often lately. And I have to admit that I do not take it well when those types of words are directed at me. I take it personally. I get angry in return.

And that can escalate the situation.

So my wife tries to step in to calm both of us.

But it is frustrating when nothing seems to help the situation. We try to give him more appropriate words to say. We tell him that he can say, “I don’t want to do this.” Or, “I’m upset.” But, his go-to words continue to be personal attacks.

We also give him consequences. He has to take a timeout. He loses a preferred activity.

But he doesn’t seem to care about the consequences.

Lately, things seem to be getting worse. Last night, he called my wife the B-word.

As you might imagine, she was really upset. It is not something you want to hear from your seven-year old son.

She strenuously told him how awful that was. She told him how he broke her heart.

He apologized.

But, I expect that the next time he gets angry, his rage and mean words will emerge again.

What is making him so quick to anger? What makes him like this when he is angry? He has autism. But not all kids with autism are like this.

I told my wife that we have to continue to work on this. That it won’t be easy and it will take time for things to get better.

But knowing that does not make it all that much easier to deal with. It is draining. Very draining.


  1. I am in tears
    what an awful experience !
    Sending you much strength on coping with this

  2. Thank you, K. Much appreciated.

  3. I'm so sorry to hear about Kai's recent outbursts. We've had similar experiences with our son. I can't remember if Kai is currently on medication but could that possibly be a source of the rage? We had a really bad experience in that area last summer which went away once we switched medications.

    I admire you and your wife's tenacity with Kai and I hope things improve.

    Best wishes,


  4. Yes, Kai is currently on medication, and it is possible that the druges are a contributing factor. We are having Kai's doctor switch meds once again, so we shall see if that changes anything.

    Thanks for the well wishes, Myra.


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