We're in Texas!

We had a couple of great trips to Florida the past two years, but this year we wanted to see a different part of the country during Kai’s spring break. The destination this time: Texas.

We flew down to Austin yesterday morning and are spending a couple of days here before moving on to San Antonio, then heading south to Big Bend National Park on the Rio Grande River. Following that, we will head west to southeastern New Mexico before flying home.

Our time in Austin got off to a bit of a rocky start.

After we dropped our bags off at our hotel, we went to have a late lunch. Foodwise, Austin is famous for barbecue and Mexican food. We wanted to start off with some good barbecue and I had gotten some recommendations from a co-worker who used to live there. Austin is famous for food trucks in permanent locations, and we took a cab to one of those, Kerlin BBQ. We got into the long line of people waiting to order. After a few minutes, I suggested that my wife and Kai could go upfront to look at the menu so they would be prepared to order. They came back a minute later saying that they didn't see barbecue on the menu, just tacos.

We were in the wrong place.

It turned out that Kerlin was in the next lot but they were closed for spring break, and we hadn't notice the place because no one was there.

We went to plan B, the next barbecue food truck on the list. I pulled out my phone to call an Uber but found out that Uber is not present in Austin. But my co-worker texted back to let me know that there is a similar operation just for Austin called Ride Austin. I downloaded the app, got a car, and we were soon at Micklethwait.

There we saw another line of people, this one even longer than at the taco place.

Kai was not happy. At all.

He loudly asked/complained about how long we would have to wait. The line seemed to move very slowly which only agitated him further.

I tried to get him to use his phone. But there were no Pokemon in the area so he was not interested in Pokemon Go. And while normally he can't get enough of the internet, when he's agitated like this, he's too dysregulated to even do that.

As we were waiting, my wife and I were thinking of what we would order. Maybe we would get a variety of pork ribs, beef ribs, sausage, and brisket. But as waited, the selection of food kept diminishing. Places like this are only open until they run out of food, and we were wondering if they would run out before we would get any. One by one, they covered up items on the menu board indicating that they were sold out. Soon, brisket was the only thing left.

And then, one of the workers announced that there was enough food left for 15 people. And there were 15 people ahead of us in line.

We held our breath. Kai was already so agitated; how would he react if we couldn't get any food and have to go find another place to eat?

But when we made it to the front of the line, they still had enough food for us. We ordered the brisket. :)

Kai was happy. My wife and I were happier. The brisket was very good, by the way, though that was almost beside the point. :)

After that, we went to the South Congress area of Austin that is known for its many small eclectic shops.

I really wanted to stop into Allens Boots, but we did not buy any cowboy boots. (I was surprised how expensive they are).

After strolling through many shops, we returned to our hotel to use the swimming pool.

And then we went out to see Austin's bat colony. Home of the largest colony of urban bats in North America, over a million bats call the South Congress Street Bridge home in the summer (we were there early in the season).

We found a spot beneath the bridge and waited for sunset when the bats would emerge.

Finally, about 10 minutes after sundown, the bats started to pour out from under the bridge. It was really an amazing sight! I was surprised at how the bats seemed to keep coming out. They just kept coming and coming.

I took a number of photos, but none really captured the experience. In most of my pictures, the bats blended in with the dark background of the bridge. Here is one photo where you can see some of them against the sky on the right side of the photo.

We had dinner after that at a Mexican restaurant.

Our meals were tasty and filling, but we had room for dessert.

We split a tres leeches which was really light and yummy.

And so wrapped up our first day in Texas. We're just getting started.

“Dad, Am I Doing Good?”

We traveled out east for our annual Thanksgiving visit with my sister and her family.

Kai always enjoys the trip and looks forward to repeating the same activities that he did in the past. I thought that re-doing the same things he did before might be a symptom of his autism, but my now grown-up nephews reminded me that they, too, had their favorite activities that they had to do each time they visited me when they were kids.

One of Kai’s favorite activities is having his uncle chase him around and then tickle him. Uncle Frankie playfully warns Kai, “You’re dead meat!” before going after him. This year, Kai requested the attack, calling out, “Dead meat me, Uncle Frankie!”

Another favorite activity is playing with my nephews’ Nerf guns. After all, nothing says Thanksgiving like Nerf guns.

On this Thanksgiving morning, he kept asking his nephews what time they would break out the Nerf toys. As they would be busy helping with the dinner preparations, they did not respond with a specific time. And that led to Kai repeatedly asking his question. I finally suggested that they tell him when they would play or he would drive us all crazy with his questions.

And when the Nerfs came out, Kai enjoyed them like he always does.

This is one of the extremely rare years where Hanukkah overlaps with Thanksgiving. Kai wanted to celebrate Hanukkah so we introduced the menorah lighting ceremony to my sister’s family.

And afterward, Kai wanted to play the dreidel game with his cousins. In fact, we did that every evening that we were there.

On our road trip last summer, we had an incentive plan where Kai could earn new videos to watch in the car if we behaved well that day. He asked that we repeat that incentive.

At Thanksgiving dinner, he would have to sit at the table without his iPad, and try the different dishes without complaint. He did very well, and enjoyed the feast.

However, he did drive us a bit crazy when he kept asking, “Dad, am I doing good?”

Yes, Kai, you’re doing well, I reassured him.

Though when he kept asking that question over and over, or when he repeatedly asked about the Nerf guns, I told him that he was getting a bit annoying and that he shouldn’t keep asking the same question again and again.

Overall, though, Kai did very well.

We noticed that Kai’s language continues to improve and he generated a few chuckles with his comments.

For instance, when finding some startling information on the iPad, he declared, “OMG!”

And he was remarkably patient at restaurants we stopped at on the way to and from my sister’s house. My dad is a very slow eater, which meant that Kai had to wait long for him to finish eating. In the past, my wife and I had to chow down quickly as Kai insisted on leaving the restaurant as soon as he was done eating. So it was amazing that he could be so tolerant about waiting now.

Nerf guns, good food, a great time with family, and a boy who continues to improve.

Yes, we have a lot to be thankful for.

Anger and Depression Over a Missed Reward

Kai has gotten off to a mediocre start to the school year. It hasn’t been as bad as the days of major incidents every day, but it’s also not like he’s putting together a string of great days either.

Yesterday was illustrative.

He was having a fine day. Until late in the day.

His class was working on an art project. They had collected leaves and then would have them ironed between sheets of wax paper along with little shavings from various crayons. Each student would get a turn to have their leaves ironed by a staff member.

Kai’s turn was last.

Regular readers know that Kai sometimes has difficulty waiting. In the past, the school was working with him to help him develop his ability to wait without getting upset. They communicated expectations so he would know ahead of time if he would get to go first, or if he would have to wait. They also had a staff member assigned to him to help him with coping strategies while he waited.

We’re not clear if any of that happened yesterday. He has a new teacher this year, so perhaps she hasn’t been brought up to speed on these techniques.

What is clear is that Kai got upset about having to wait, and then did something. It was deemed a “minor” incident – not sure exactly what it was. But the consequence is that he will miss a special reward of getting to watch a movie during class today. All of his classmates were safe all week, so he will be the only one to miss out.

When I got home from work last night, my wife filled me in on all that happened. Kai was in his bedroom. He still had not taken his bath yet. He was still very upset.

“I don’t want to go to school tomorrow!”

I asked him what happened. He buried his head in a blanket and shook his head.

When he surfaced, he said that he hates everyone at his school.

Gradually, he started to talk about what happened. As is typical with him, he was angry with everyone else. He was angry with the staff for his punishment. He was angry with his classmates because they would get to see the movie and he would not.

I tried to explain that he needed to accept responsibility for his own actions, that he was the one who did something that now resulted in him missing the movie.

I don’t know that he ever quite gets that.

He kept repeating that he would not go to school. When I told him that he would go to school, he indicated that he would do further unsafe things there. I told him that if that happened, then there would be consequences at home beyond just missing a movie at school.

I sat with him for a long time. His emotions ran from anger to depression. I kept telling him that he would have to try to stay calm at school the next day. And that he has to understand that he has control over what happens to him.

I didn’t think I had made much progress with him, but also didn’t think there was anything more I could say or do. Besides, I was getting hungry.

I told him to take his bath and then we would eat dinner. He moped around a while longer. My wife and I repeated telling him to take his bath, and he finally did.

When he came down to dinner, he seemed to be in a better mood.

And this morning, he actually was in good spirits.

Of course, I don’t know how he will be when it comes time for his class to see the movie and he has to be elsewhere.

So, I’ll be wondering how his day goes. We shall see.

Yellowstone Vacation – Anxiety and Anger in the Tetons

After our wonderful time the day before, we were looking forward to another great day in the Tetons.

After breakfast, we took short stroll around Jackson, stopping to take a picture at one of the famous elk antler arches.

And then it was on to the first of our two big activities of the day – riding the Aerial Tram up to the top of the mountain at Jackson Hole.

Kai was eager to board the tram.

But as the door to the tram shut, the operator made a few announcements. She explained that we would pass five towers that held up the cable, and at those moments, we might feel a shifting in the tram.

Well, that was all it took for Kai to feel anxious.

“I’m scared!”

We assured Kai that there was nothing to be scared about. The tram takes thousands of people each day making trips up and down all day long.

Yeah, logical explanations never seem to help with Kai in times like these.

“I WANT TO GET OFF!”

“LET’S WALK UP INSTEAD!”

I explained that it would be a long walk.

“I WANT TO TAKE AN AIRPLANE UP!”

The more we tried to get him to calm down, the angrier he got.

“DAD, YOU MADE A POOR CHOICE!”

That comment drew chuckles from several in the very crowded tram, all of which could clearly hear him.

“THIS IS THE WORST VACATION EVER!”

After 12 minutes, we reached the top, and he quickly got off.

I got him to pose for a picture.

I walked up to the top to take in the panorama.

But Kai would have none of that and wanted to get back down to where the tram was.

There was a very tiny café and I enticed him with the promise of an ice cream. And as he ate his treat, he started to calm down.

And when we boarded the next tram to go back down. My wife warned him that he would have to stay quiet and not shout on the tram or he could not watch his videos in the car.

He was tense at first, but gradually seemed to relax.

We reached the bottom with no further anxious moments. And as we got off, he said, “That was a lot of fun!”

My wife and I looked at each other and shrugged, feeling more exasperated than happy.

Still, we were relieved that it was over.

* * * * *
After lunch back in Jackson, we drove north, back to Grand Teton National Park, where we would do our second major activity of the day. I wanted to take the boat ride across Jenny Lake, and then take the half-mile hike up to Hidden Falls. I also was hoping to take the additional half-mile hike up to Inspiration Point, but was not holding my breath on that.

There was a line for the boat, and Kai got upset when the people just in front of us were the last ones allowed on. We had to wait for the next one.

I explained that being the first ones on was better, as we would have our choice of seats. Still, he was mad until we saw the next boat come into view.

We boarded, taking seats in the front row. And once we got going, Kai was very happy.

It was a pleasant ride across the lake, the spray from the water refreshing us while we took in the great view.

And then we reached the other side and began our hike.

We couldn’t have gone more than 20 yards, barely above the dock, when the complaints started.

“I’m tired!”

“I don’t want to hike!”

Our patience was already running thin. I told him sternly that he couldn’t be tired already, and that he would have to keep walking.

The trail to the falls was uphill and full of rocks. It was not the easiest one to walk. But I tried to take it slow, as much for my father-in-law as for Kai, and it should have been easily do-able for a healthy nine-year old.

Still, the complaints escalated.

“I CAN’T DO IT!”

“OH, I AM SO TIRED!”

We stopped for breaks along the way. Other families jaunted past us.

Finally, we made it to the falls. Kai was very happy as I gave him a high five for persisting.

And the falls were a beautiful sight.

I knew that there would be no way Kai could make the additional half-mile up to Inspiration Point, or my wife and father-in-law either. I briefly considered going up there by myself, but felt that it just wouldn’t be the same to do it without them.

I decided that we would head back down to the boat.

Kai happily walked much faster on the way down. I had to tell him to stop so that we could take pictures along the way.

But his happy mood was shattered as we approached the dock. There was a really long line for the boat to go back.

“OH NO, THAT LINE IS SO LONG!”

“I HATE WAITING!”

It was hard to know what to say. The line was long. The wait would be long. I estimated that there were enough people in line to fill 4 or 5 boats, meaning we might have to wait an hour or longer.

Kai’s complaints were constant. We felt self-conscious. Everyone in that line could hear him.

My wife spoke sternly to him that there is nothing we can do. No one likes to wait but no one else was getting so upset. She told him to please be quiet. If he did not, then she would not go to the swimming pool with him afterward.

And that made him mad at her.

He said some angry words at her, but I told him to be quiet. He sidled up to me and held my hand, saying that Mom could drive the car after we got back, and that I could sit in the back with him.

Whenever we saw a boat approaching to take more people, Kai pleaded with it.

“Come on boat, you can do it!”

It seemed to take forever, but boat by boat, the line grew shorter. I counted about 45 people in front of us. A boat could take about 35 passengers. I told Kai that we would be on the boat after the next one.

We all breathed a huge sigh of relief when we finally boarded.

No one talked much in the boat or in the car ride over to our lodge.

At the lodge, my wife and father-in-law said they were too tired to go to the pool. I had a headache, but took Kai. It was actually refreshing to swim.

After dinner, we sat outside and relaxed. My wife had her coffee, Kai had his iPad, and my father-in-law just contemplated the view.

There’s nothing quite like the Tetons to help you get over a stressful day.

Next: Yellowstone Vacation – Vacation Fatigue, a Bison, and Grizzlies

Yellowstone Vacation – The Challenges Begin

We had traveled more than 1,200 miles the first two days of our Yellowstone road trip, but I knew that our challenges had not yet really begun.

Kai does very well in the car, his safe haven, when we are zooming along the interstate while he watches videos in the backseat. But it’s different when we are in traffic, as we would find in the popular national parks we would be visiting, and when we want to stop and see the sights.

Our first sign of trouble was early on Day 3, as we were having breakfast at our motel in Billings, Montana.

“My lips are hurting!”

I had noticed that in this dry mountain air, my lips were chapped. But whereas it was merely a minor irritant for me, it was causing major distress with Kai.

“MY LIPS ARE HURTING!”

My wife went back to our room to get some lip balm. But even after he coated his lips, and the entire area around his mouth with the balm until they were all shiny with the goo, he still complained. And he did not eat his breakfast.

We would be driving in an area with no restaurants for many, many miles. I wanted Kai to eat something now.

And so we had a battle over breakfast.

I finally got him to eat something, but we were both a bit worse for the wear.

Still, once we got rolling for the day, all seemed okay.

More than okay, actually.

In preparation for the trip, I had read guidebooks, researched online, and spoken to folks who had traveled to Yellowstone. All had said that the most scenic route into Yellowstone was through Montana’s Beartooth Highway.

And so we had come this way.

My sources were not wrong.

As the road wound its way up and up the mountains, we had spectacular views.

I was happy that Kai was as excited about stopping to view the scenery as I was.

I had gotten a new camera that could take panoramic shots. At every stop, Kai said, “Take a panorama, Dad.”

Everything was wonderful.

Until we hit a roadblock.

And I’m not speaking figuratively.

A construction crew had completely stopped traffic. We had to wait.

Kai does not like to wait.

At all.

“Dad, you took the wrong road!”

“I want to turn around!”

“LET’S GO BACK HOME!”

He got madder and madder as we waited longer and longer.

I tried to stay calm and get Kai to calm down. But it was really challenging.

After 20 minutes, though it seemed much longer, we finally were able to proceed.

Our good mood shattered, we took a break when we finally got to a town.

A little rest, a little food, and we were all much better.

It wasn’t long after that that we arrived at Yellowstone.

We drove through Lamar Valley, where we saw bison.

A lot of them.

And a pronghorn antelope.

Kai’s mood had become jovial again, and he enjoyed seeing all the wildlife.

Our last stop of the day was the Boiling River.

Where the scalding hot water from one of Yellowstone’s hot springs flows into the icy cold waters of the Gardner River is a spot where visitors may take a dip in the water.

The Boiling River is an odd sensation. Move too close to where the hot spring flows and you will burn. But a few inches in the other direction and you’ll feel frigid. It is difficult to find the perfect spot, though it feels awesome when you do.

As I soaked in the soothing water, I realized that the Boiling River is kind of a metaphor to our life raising a child with autism. On this day alone, we had experienced all the extremes, and the swirling currents of autism made it tough to find the sweet spot.

But like the Boiling River, our son is interesting, fascinating amazing. And I prefer that to a soak in a conventional tub any day.

We stayed a good long while at the Boiling River. By the time we left, we had cleansed away all the stresses of the day.

We were ready for more adventures at Yellowstone.

Next: Yellowstone Vacation – Hot Springs, Geysers and Smelly Sulfur

San Diego Vacation – Day 5 – Heading Home

The last day of a vacation is always bittersweet. You want to cherish the remaining hours, but know that the vacation will soon be over.

We had just a couple of hours in the morning before we would need to head to the airport.

We returned to the Mission to have breakfast. That is the restaurant that Dave and Iris took us to the day we arrived. My wife enjoyed her large delicious espresso while Kai once again contented himself on the iPad while we waited for breakfast to be served.



After breakfast, we walked along the ocean, enjoying the sunshine and scenery for one last time.

And then we were off to the airport.

Kai was nervous about flying, but perhaps not quite as much as before our flight coming to San Diego.

“We’re not going to crash?”

I think he knew what I would say, and just wanted to be reassured. No, Kai, we are not going to crash.

On the plane, as we neared takeoff, he chewed gum and put on his earplugs. I don’t know if the earplugs really help, but I do know that psychologically he thinks it helps, and that’s all that matters, I guess.

The flight was relatively uneventful. Kai was well behaved, for the most part.

Every now and then he would talk loudly. My wife and I tried to get him to speak more softly.

“Don’t shush me!” he would say even more loudly.

We landed about a half hour ahead of schedule.

That meant that we had to wait several minutes for our gate to become available.

By the time the doors to our plane opened, Kai was ready to get off.

Unfortunately, sitting back in row 31, we were not going to be moving anytime soon. We would be among the last to get off the plane.

The boy who waited patiently at the restaurant the night before was not present on this morning.

“WHAT”S TAKING SO LONG?”

“COME ON! LET’S MOVE!”

There was a large man standing directly in front of us. He could not move, of course, until everyone in front of him did. But Kai did not understand.

“THIS GUY IS LIKE A STONE!”

The man turned around and looked to see who was calling him a stone. I believe he had a smile on his face, though I was a bit afraid to look.

My wife took hold of Kai’s hands to make sure he did not push or strike anyone.

And we sighed with relief when it was finally our turn to move.

It was cold and gray outside as we waited for our cab. Yep, we were not in California anymore. We were back in the Midwest.

When we arrived home, my wife and I may have had a bit of the post-vacation blues. We were back to reality.

But Kai was upbeat.

After all, he had a brand new Lego set to work on.

And seeing him so happy made it impossible for my wife and I to stay down. We were tired, but we felt good.

We had been a wonderful vacation. And the memories from that will stay with us for a long time. Ah yes!


To catch up on the rest of our vacation:
San Diego Vacation – Day 1
San Diego Vacation – Day 2 – SeaWorld
San Diego Vacation – Day 3 – Legoland
San Diego Vacation – Day 4 – Safari Park

San Diego Vacation – Day 4 – Safari Park

We debated where to go on our last full day in San Diego. The San Diego Zoo is world famous, but Kai has never shown much interest in zoos. And we have two great zoos right here in the Chicago area. There are historical sights and museums, but we did not think Kai would have much interest in those.

In the end, we decided to go with a recommendation from Kai’s grandparents that we go to the Safari Park.

About 40 minutes northeast of the city, the Safari Park is operated by the same folks who run the Zoo. But this is a place where many animals can freely roam in much larger spaces than you find at a zoo.

The main attraction is a half-hour tram ride that takes you on an “African safari.” When we got to the Park, that is the first thing that Kai wanted to do.

The tram ride is located at the rear of the park, so we started to make our way back there. Along the way, there were many interesting displays that my wife and I wanted to see. But as soon as we paused, Kai started to get angry.

“Let’s go! Let’s go! I want to go on the tram!”

Sigh.

We really need to figure out how to teach him the notion that you can “stop and smell the roses along the way”, or “life is not so much a destination as it is a journey.”

Anyway, we found our way to the tram. Like Legoland, the Safari Park makes special accommodations for people with disabilities, and we were able to get a pass that allowed us to move to the front of the line for the tram. So we did not have to wait long for the next departure.

As the tram took us around, we saw many African animals including gazelle….



and giraffe….



among many others.

My wife and Kai especially enjoyed it.



What I enjoyed was the sorbets we had afterward. We had pineapple, coconut and mango sorbets that were served in their shells. I don’t know if it was the presentation or the environment in which we had them, but I swear it was the best sorbet I’ve ever had.



Our next stop was to see a butterfly exhibit. We walked into a tropical greenhouse that had thousands of butterflies.



One even landed on Kai’s head.



After that we wanted to see the bird show they had. We got to the area about a half hour before showtime and found good seats up front. Kai said he was thirsty so I went to look for a place to buy drinks.

It was lunchtime, so the line for food and drinks was long. Still, with a half hour to spare, I felt pretty confident that I would get back in time for the start of the show.

Apparently, Kai wasn’t so confident.

My wife reported that Kai got very anxious.

“I’m so worried!”

“I don’t want Dad to miss the show!”

After about 15 minutes, my wife called me on my cell phone to see if I was close to returning. I told her it would be another 10 minutes. I could hear in the background that Kai was upset, and my wife tried to calm him by telling him that I would be back in time for the show.

But I heard later that he got quite loud with his anxiety, drawing attention from the other patrons seated around them.

When I made it back with minutes to spare, Kai was happy. My wife was exhausted.



The show was quite fun. We saw a wide variety of birds. Some flew directly over or in front of us…



Others appeared on stage…



And one made funny sounds on cue…



The emcee did a great job in educating us about each bird, but also making it very entertaining.



We had had a fun day at Safari Park.

We next drove over to the coast to La Jolla.

La Jolla is home to a colony of harbor seals that found a nice spot on the beach to settle down.



Kai enjoyed seeing the seals.

But what he really wanted to do was go down to the water.

We found a spot a little ways down from the seals to walk down to the beach.



And we all waded in the Pacific Ocean.



The ocean was nice, but Kai wanted to go swimming in the hotel pool one more time.

On our way back to the hotel, my wife asked to pull over at a Starbucks. Kai and I waited in the car while she ran in to get coffee.

Kai waited patiently. He knew how much my wife craves her coffee.

“I want Mom to feel good so she will go swimming with us,” he said.

Ha, smart kid.

And so, that afternoon, we enjoyed our last swim together.

Finally, it was time for dinner.

I looked up seafood restaurants and found one that sounded good on TripAdvisor. When we got to the Pacific Beach Fish Shop, we found that many others thought it was a good place, too. It was a casual place and there was a long line to place an order. We debated leaving, but I really wanted to try the food there. Besides, it was a Friday night and it was likely that we would have to wait no matter where we went.

I stood in line while my wife took Kai outside to find a spot to sit while they waited. My wife called shortly afterward to say that she overheard another patron saying they had to wait 45 minutes to get their food. There was no way Kai would wait that long. But my wife said that Kai was content using the iPad for now. And I guessed that the wait would not be that long so I thought we should continue waiting.

After about a half hour, my wife called again. She wanted to see how close I was to ordering the food. I was getting closer to the front, and suggested that they could come back inside and find a table. Kai was still content with his iPad.

It would be about 15 minutes more before I finally got to the front of the line. I placed my order: three tacos for Kai – a shrimp taco, scallops taco, and lobster taco; a red snapper plate for my wife; and two tacos for me – a taco with yellowtail fish, guacamole, and strawberries, and a mahi mahi taco with tropical salsa.

I got our drinks and went to the table where my wife and Kai were sitting. Remarkably, Kai was still occupied with the iPad. He was playing Angry Birds.



We had to wait about 15-20 more minutes before they served our food. In all, we had waited over an hour.

Kai eagerly gobbled up his tacos.



I really enjoyed mine, too.

Right there at the tail end of our trip, we had the highlight of our vacation. But I’m not talking about the food.

Seeing Kai wait that long without a complaint, without getting angry at all, well that had never happened before.

That was the finest moment.

Tomorrow: Heading home

Click here to read about our trip from Day 1.