Our Thanksgiving Trip

Apologies for the long absence; a business trip, traveling for Thanksgiving, and some technical issues with my computer kept me from posting the past two weeks.

Our drive out east to my sister and brother-in-law’s house for Thanksgiving went well. My dad drove with us for the first time after flying there on his own in years past, and skipping the trip completely the last couple years.

We stayed overnight in a motel on our way out. After driving all day and then using the swimming pool, I did not feel like going out to find a place to eat. Instead, we had dinner at the restaurant in the motel.

Kai has been doing much better at restaurants. We don't get quite as anxious as we used to.

But this was a higher class of restaurant than we are used to going with him.

We ordered appetizers and salads in addition to the main course. Which meant that he had to wait for his meal to come.

He waited nicely. At first.

But about time when my wife’s and dad’s salads came and his meal had yet to be served, he started grumbling.

“How long do I have to wait?”

“I hate this restaurant!”

“This is a terrible place!”

He told us that the Mexican restaurant we go to at home always brings the food right away.

The waitress came by to check on us.

He told her, “I’m really hungry.”

It was actually quite an appropriate thing to say, though his perhaps tone could have been nicer.

The waitress soon came back with his meal, and all was well again.

The next day we arrived at our destination. My brother-in-law got Kai laughing right away as they engaged in their regular horseplay.

On Thanksgiving morning, we, of course, observed our Thanksgiving tradition. No, not watching the parade, or the football games. Kai wanted to play Nerf guns with his cousins.

We played Capture the Hill and it was fun until I tumbled down and fell hard on a rocky surface. Note to self: running full speed downhill while carrying a Nerf gun is not a good idea. Kai thought it was very funny, though. He laughed and laughed while I grimaced in pain, then tried to copy my ‘pratfall’ as he rolled down the hill. It was all funny to him until he, too, fell for real a little later. He got angry, as he often does when he hurts himself, but recovered fairly quickly. I, however, am still limping.

Of course, the highlight of any trip to my sister’s house is all the good food they serve us. She is the master chef, but every member of the family is a very proficient sous chef.

Kai helped out as well.

We had the usual turkey feast on Thanksgiving.

And an unusual fondue treat the next night.

And Kai wanted to do all of his other favorite activities that he always does there. It is becoming part of our Thanksgiving tradition to play miniature golf.

And go for a walk with the dog.

The activities are fun and the food is great. But the best part of all of our traditions is the good time spent with family.

Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving as well.

The Campaign

The election is over but the campaign has only just begun.

Yes, it is that time of year. The pre-holiday lobbying season.

At his last birthday, Kai got numerous Lego sets. For those of you without young kids, when your child is attending a birthday party, particularly a boy’s birthday party, the go-to gifts these days are Lego sets. Boys like my son who do not play with many conventional toys will almost assuredly play with Lego.

Lego has been around at least since I was a kid, but their popularity has never been higher. They have sets for a seeming endless variety of things, from vehicles and buildings to Star Wars and castles. Some of the sets are quite involved and expensive, but others are priced more affordably. And thus, make perfect birthday presents.

Most of the Lego sets that Kai got nine months ago sat on a shelf unopened for a long time. He had too many new presents to play with, and other things caught his attention for a while.

But in recent months, Kai has started to work on his Legos. One by one, he has built each set. Working mostly independently, he has constructed the simple to the more complex.

A couple years ago, he would have gotten frustrated if he could not find the right piece, or if he had made a mistake and the pieces did not fit right. He would have given up and perhaps thrown things around in anger. But these days he is much more able to stay focused and is able to work through most of his difficulties.

A couple weeks ago, he finished the last of his Lego sets. And now he wants more.

With the holidays around the corner, we told him that he could make a list of what he wants and perhaps he might get some of the things on his list at Hanukkah or Christmas.

And so he wrote out his list and gave it to Mom to mail to Santa, and to also send along to his grandparents. I am not sure if he still believes in Santa; we have a suspicion that he no longer does. But, he wants to cover all of his bases just to be sure.

With the holiday list completed, you might think that would be that. But, of course, that is not the case.

On a regular basis, he reminds us of what he wants. And when he is not telling us, he leafs through his Lego catalogs, or goes on the Lego website to look fondly at what hopefully will be his one day soon. Sometimes he wants to add one more thing to his list. He tells my wife that we can get it for him, or Santa can.

And though I am poking a bit of fun at my son’s obsession, I remember that I was the same way when I was his age. In my case, my parents had a giant catalog from Montgomery Wards (back in the day when stores would make giant catalogs). I remember that I endlessly flipped through the toy section, as if staring at the toy would make it appear under our Christmas tree.

We shall see what Santa brings for Kai this year. But I think my wife’s Christmas wish is for Kai to go more than five minutes without him lobbying for some new Lego.

Much like how many of us are relieved that all of the election ads have finally stopped running, my wife will be relieved when this campaign has run its course, too.

A Challenging Time with Ojiichan

My dad stayed with us last week. It was a long week.

My dad really enjoys visiting us. He loves Kai and my wife.

Kai likes it whenever we have visitors. A new person to play is always a good thing in his mind. And I think he senses the love his family has for him whenever one of his grandparents is here.

There were many opportunities for grandfather and grandson to interact.

On the positive side, I was so happy that they each made numerous attempts to engage each other.

I don’t recall my dad ever sitting on the floor and playing with my sister or me when we were little kids. And he was not exactly the playful grandfather to my nephews when they were small either. With Kai, while he wasn’t constantly playing with him, he did play Wii with us every night, and try to talk to Kai numerous times.

And that is where we had some challenges.

It is often hard for us to get Kai to engage in a conversation with us. He doesn’t like to answer our questions. He only wants to talk about the things that interest him, not the things that interest us. He does not look at us when he talks.

Sometimes Kai will respond if you wait him out. Sometimes he will talk if you keep encouraging him. Talking to him requires patience.

Unfortunately, my dad does not have much patience.

My wife and I could easily sense my dad’s impatience whenever Kai did not respond to him. The irritation showed in his face. But sometimes it also came out in his words.

“Is your name Kai?”

Kai would usually respond that it was. And that would prompt my dad to go on.

“Then why don’t you answer me when I talk to you? Don’t you hear me? Boy oh boy!”

After one of the first times this happened, I spoke to my dad and reminded him that Kai has autism, and as a result, communicating with other people is one of his major challenges. I told him that he needs to be patient, and it is better to be more encouraging than to get angry.

My dad did not seem to feel that there was anything wrong with how he talked to his grandson. I don’t think he really grasped what I was trying to tell him. But when my wife said the same thing to him, he apologized and said he would not do it again.

Of course, that was not the case.

With my dad’s Alzheimer’s, he likely forgot our conversation before the evening was over. And so the next day and the each day for the rest of the week, he often had the same remarks for Kai.

Rather than have the same discussion with my dad each day, my wife and I tried to prompt Kai to respond to my dad more quickly. But it was not always easy. When Kai is watching a video or studying his Lego catalog, it is hard to get his attention. And so we saw several more occasions where my dad got impatient with Kai.

Remarkably, Kai did not seem to get upset with my dad’s badgering. He still wanted to play with Ojiichan.

The irony of it is that Kai had ample opportunity to get as frustrated with my dad as he was with Kai. My dad is very hard of hearing. There were plenty of times when Kai said something to him and my dad did not respond because he did not realize that Kai was talking to him. When we could, my wife and I asked Kai to repeat what he said and to speak louder. We got my dad’s attention and let him know that Kai was trying to talk to him.

On those occasions, Kai never seemed to get impatient. He always nicely repeated what he said.

By the end of the week, I was exhausted. And I was only with my dad during the evenings. My wife was even more worn out. She was a saint for spending the whole week with my dad, listening repeatedly to his same old stories, while I was at work.

But my dad enjoyed his visit immensely. He kept telling me how much he enjoyed my wife’s hospitality and home cooking, and how much Kai had grown and changed.

I don’t think he really remembered many details, but the good feelings stayed with him.

With holidays coming up, we will be spending a lot more time together. I will have to keep in mind that as much as I preach to my dad that he needs to be patient with a boy who has autism, I need to be patient with an old man who has Alzheimer’s.

In that way, I can take a lesson from my son.

Election Day!

My son voted. How about you?

Photo is courtesy of Kai’s teacher. He was her ballot box assistant at school yesterday.

A New Plan

I thought I had a great plan.

My son was disappointed that he had a major incident at school, and because of that he would not achieve the next Level anytime soon. Along with that, he lost his chance to his chance to go to our local area Legoland.

Kai’s teacher suggested that we make it a bit easier for him to earn the incentive, and we agreed that perhaps holding him to the standard of a Level change was a bit ambitious at this point. We all agreed that a safe month was more realistic, while still being very challenging for Kai.

In exchange for lessening this standard, Kai would have to write a note of apology to the teacher he bit and show sincere remorse.

Kai agreed to the new plan and I left for work on the morning of November 1 hopeful that he would have a good month at school.

We did not have time to have Kai write the apology note that morning, but he would do it immediately after he got home from school that afternoon.

After work, I received a phone call from my wife. Kai had had another major incident.

I was disheartened. It was only the first day of the new month. It was the first day of the new plan. And already the chance to earn his incentive was lost. Now what?

I was worried that this was the start of another bad period, where he would have major incidents every day.

In this latest incident, he again tried to hurt the same teacher he bit two days earlier. My wife had him write a note of apology, which we brought to school that evening.

Coincidentally, it was the day of our parent-teacher conference. We had been able to secure the last time slot of the day so that I would have time to get there after work.

We met privately with Kai’s classroom teacher and social worker while another staff member watched Kai. His teacher was very positive and encouraging. She showed us charts that showed how far above average Kai performed in math, and his charted progress for reading and writing as well. We discussed his academic work, which was generally very good. And we talked about his behavior.

His social worker noted that Kai’s behavior since he began third grade has been far superior to his past performance. And his latest incident, they said, was relatively minor.

(Note of clarification: the recent incidents were not with his main classroom teacher, but with another staff member who teaches him math and is also an aide in the classroom. He was not there that evening, but we gave Kai’s apology note to the main teacher to pass along).

His teacher had another suggestion for motivating him with a reward. She suggested that they could create a visual reminder that they would keep at his desk. At the end of every safe day at school, they would make a visual mark. After 25 consecutive safe days, he would have earned his trip to Legoland. A major incident would restart the clock.

We thought it was a good idea. A visual reminder that staff can point out might help to keep him calm before things escalate.

After conferencing we all told Kai about the new plan. He was not keen about it. He thought 25 days was too long. He did not feel confident that he could stay safe for that long.

But his teacher encouraged him. She told him that she thought he could do it. She told him that she would help him to stay safe.

Slowly Kai agreed. He said he would try.

Friday was his first day under the new plan. I am happy to say that he stayed safe, and had a really good day at school overall.

24 days to go.

Subdued Halloween

Despite his declaration the evening before, my son went to school yesterday. And, he went trick-or-treating. But he did not seem to enjoy either.

Kai was still subdued from his major incident the day before that resulted in a delay of an achievement at school, and a subsequent trip to Legoland with Mom and Dad.

I had to leave for work before Kai woke up, but my wife reported that he was in a funk from the time he woke up and throughout the day.

She and my dad went to school in the morning to see the school parade. Most of the kids were having great fun, but I could see from the pictures she took that Kai was not. There was not a smile to be seen on his face on any photo.

Even being dismissed from school after just a half day, and a trip to his favorite hamburger restaurant for lunch did not brighten his mood.

He went for a short round of trick-or-treats with Mom and Ojiichan, but it seemed more obligatory than fun. He came home and spent much of the afternoon on the computer.

Still, my wife said he wanted to go trick-or-treating with me, and I left work just a bit early to get home in time for a trip around the block with Kai.

He didn’t have the extra bounce in his step that I’ve seen on past Halloweens, but he finally seemed to be enjoying it. I reminded him to say “trick-or-treat” and “thank you” and I was happy that he said it with enough enthusiasm for me to hear from my perch down the driveways.

I got Kai to talk a little bit about the parade and lunch while we walked. And by the end of our short walk, he seemed to be in a lighter mood.

Between the parade in the morning and the tricks-or-treat with all of us, he had collected enough candy to fill a large bowl. And I finally saw a smile.

With Kai’s GFCF diet, I will be the one to eat most of that candy. The sacrifices a dad has to make… ;)

* * * * *
Yesterday, we received an email from Kai’s social worker at school suggesting that we ease the criteria for Kai earning his prized trip to Legoland. Instead of achieving Level 4, which may be beyond his ability right now, she thought that attaining a safe month might be more realistic.

I agreed. Rewards are a positive thing only when they are attainable. When they are not, they set the child up for disappointment and failure.

But I wanted to find a way to relax the standard without feeling like we are sending the message to Kai that we lower the bar every time he fails to clear it.

And then my blog friend Shiroi Tora gave me an idea.

He suggested that Kai create an apology card for the teacher he bit the other day. As he put it, “a heartfelt card of apology would go a long ways toward Kai’s growth.”

I conferred with my wife and we agreed; if Kai would create an apology card for his teacher, he would have shown that he learned a lesson from this, and we would give him another chance to earn a trip to Legoland, this time with a slightly easier standard.

This new criteria will still be very difficult for Kai. He has had only one safe month in his whole time at this school.

But this morning, when we told him this, he seemed a bit more encouraged.

Hopefully he can carry forward and make it a good month.

Dealing with Disappointment

I first got word via an email from Kai’s social worker at school. Then, I spoke with my wife on the phone as I was walking to catch my train after work.

Kai had had a bad day at school, and was very disappointed.

Regular readers may recall that my son’s therapeutic school uses a level system. Students are at Level 1 when they first enter the school, and progress by exhibiting good behavior. Attaining each subsequent level is harder than the previous one. When a student reaches Level 5, they may begin the process to transition back to their home school if their parents so choose.

Some students progress relatively quickly. A few of the kids who came to the school after Kai have already returned to or are starting to transition back to their home school. Kai’s progress has been slower.

It took him more than nine months to make it to Level 2, and then another 18 months to get to Level 3 where he is now. We have had a number of rocky moments since then. This summer it looked like Kai would top out at Level 3, as he had incidents nearly every day.

But this school year has gone remarkably well so far. In September, he had only one incident.

In early October, Kai’s social worker told him that if he did not have a major incident for the rest of the month, he would reach Level 4 on Halloween. Kai had one incident a couple of weeks ago that pushed that date a few weeks out. But he was still on track to make Level 4 relatively soon.

We told him that when he made Level 4, we would have a big celebration. He has been wanting to go to Legoland for a while now, and chose that as his reward for the major achievement.

It felt good that he was so confident that he could do it, as he was counting the days until we would go to Legoland.

And then yesterday happened.

His teacher had been giving out Pokémon cards to the students as a positive reinforcement. Yesterday, one student earned the privilege of opening up a new pack of cards. Kai got very upset that he was not the one to do so.

He disrupted the class and had to take a timeout. When his classmates walked past him to go to lunch, Kai tried to go after the boy who opened the pack of cards. The classroom staff intervened. And when they were escorting him out of the classroom, Kai bit one of the teachers.

In that moment, he had lost his chance at attaining Level 4 for several more weeks.

Of course I was not happy to hear that my son had bit one of this teachers. I feel bad for the teachers who work so hard and are so patient with all of the kids, but who have to endure this as part of their jobs.

But my heart also went out to Kai a little bit.

For whatever reason, he did not control his emotions. He acted out his anger. It was a very poor choice on his part, but I’ve come to realize that self-control is a lot more difficult for him than it is for most kids.

He had been doing so well in school. He had improved his behavior so much. He was motivated to earn his reward. And now he was very discouraged.

My wife told me on the phone that he was very down. He cried a lot and then wanted to just stay in bed all afternoon.

When I got home from work, he was dawdling in the bathtub. When he finally came out, he ran to his bedroom and buried himself in his bedspread. He did not want to come down for dinner.

I talked to him about the poor choice he made, but tried to be more encouraging than disparaging. He said that he did not want to go to school tomorrow. He did not want to go trick or treating.

I told him that tomorrow is a new day, and that the bad day today doesn’t mean he has to have a bad one tomorrow. But he has to make that choice.

Eventually he came down for dinner, more because of Mom’s sukiyaki than because of anything I said.

And later, at bedtime, my wife and I both tried to encourage Kai to continue to do as well as he has most of the past few months.

It will be a challenge to keep his spirits up. While positive reinforcement is very motivating to Kai, when a reward seems out of reach to him, he often gives up. I don’t want him to give up now.

Today there will be a Halloween parade at school and then the students will be dismissed after only a half day. My wife is taking Kai and my dad to a favorite hamburger restaurant for lunch. And then it will be time for tricks-or-treat.

I hope to get home from work in time for a second round of tricks-or-treat. Hopefully I will see a happy kid when I get home from work today.

Pumpkin Farm

After last weekend, when Kai had not cooperated with his piano teacher and we ended up cancelling our scheduled trip to the pumpkin farm, my son had been behaving pretty well all week. I was fairly confident that Kai would listen to his instructor this week and we would get to the farm.

But, you never know.

Ahead of the time when his teacher would arrive, I reminded Kai to listen to Vlad and do as he instructs. As is often the case, Kai did not respond to me, but I knew he heard what I told him.

And after Vlad arrived and started teaching, I let out a small sigh of relief when Kai mostly did what he was supposed to. Vlad taught him a new song while my dad, who I had picked up the day before to stay with us for the week, watched attentively:

And that meant we could go to the pumpkin farm.

It was a week later and 30 degrees colder than it would have been if we had gone when we originally planned, but Kai was no less happy to be there.

Our first activity was the hayride.

It felt very cold when the hayride started, but warmed a bit when the sun came out and the tractor wound its way through Scarecrow Lane in the middle of the corn field.

Kai is getting too big for most of the kiddie rides they had set up for the month, but he did quickly go through the fun house.

And then he and I did our favorite… the giant slide.

After that, we grownups wanted to go to the indoor refreshment stand to get hot apple cider and warm up. Kai had a cold apple cider slushy.

And then it was time to take our usual picture by the measuring post.

These photo shows how much Kai has grown physically since our first visit four years ago.

It is a little harder to tell from just looking at the picture the growth he has made in other ways.

But if we knew then the type of boy Kai would become in four years, I’m pretty sure we would have been overjoyed.

Eyeglasses

The school nurse sent home a note saying that Kai had failed a vision exam. She suggested that we have him checked by an eye doctor.

The doctor confirmed that Kai needed eyeglasses, and he got his set this week.

As change is often hard for Kai, and he sometimes complains about being uncomfortable, so we wondered how he would do with wearing glasses.

It turned out that there have not been any problems at all. In fact, he loves wearing his glasses. We originally thought he could take them to school and put them on only when he felt he needed them, but he said he wanted to wear them all the time.

Here he is as he and I are playing Wii:

His teacher sent an email saying that Kai looks adorable in his new glasses. I think so, too!

Consequences

After our amazing experience at the pumpkin festival the night before, we had planned to continue our Halloween-themed weekend with a visit to a nearby pumpkin farm on Sunday afternoon.

It was a bright, sunny, and warm day. We could not have asked for a nicer day for our outing.

But before we were to go, we had some things to do on Sunday morning.

After breakfast, I went to the gym for a workout. When I returned, Kai’s piano teacher had already arrived for his weekly lesson. Kai was giving him a hard time.

Vlad is the most patient man I have ever met. He always encourages Kai and never raises his voice at him, no matter how uncooperative Kai is.

My wife was trying to get Kai to listen to Vlad and do as he instructed. Kai kept moaning that he was too tired and did not want to play the piano.

I told Kai that he perhaps he was too tired to go to the pumpkin farm, too, then.

I thought that this threat would be motivating enough for Kai to finally cooperate. He had been looking forward to our annual visit to the pumpkin farm for weeks.

I went to take a shower. And when I came out, I was disappointed to find that Kai’s behavior had not improved.

Vlad had just left. And my wife had told Kai that our fun afternoon would be cancelled.

Kai was not happy.

At first he was mad. We told him it was his own action that caused this to happen.

Then, he tried to bargain. He would play the piano now and then we could still go. Too late, we said.

We told him that if he behaved well all week and then played piano nicely with his teacher next Sunday, there was still one more chance to go before Halloween. But if it was a rainy day next week, we would not go.

Well, he was mad enough that he could not go on that day, but the thought that he might not go at all made him really upset.

He alternatively ranted, pleaded, and whined.

We did not give in.

My wife got tired of hearing this and left the room.

I went away for a little while as well. When I returned, Kai kept persisting. I spoke to him calmly that he has to make good choices, and he does not always get a second chance.

After a long time, he finally calmed down. He came over to give me a hug.

We played some games. We read. And in the afternoon we drove over to a nearby forest preserve for a walk in the woods.

I was glad to get out and enjoy the beautiful afternoon. But it wasn’t the same as going to the pumpkin farm. Especially for Kai.

This Sunday, we hope to get to the farm. Kai has been very well behaved all week. I suspect that he will play piano wonderfully with his instructor.

It is expected to be 25 degrees colder than it was last weekend. But, if we go, I have a feeling it will a good time.

Here’s hoping.

A Record, and I’m Not Talking About the 32,000 Pumpkins

Last Saturday evening, we went to the pumpkin festival of our neighboring community of Highwood. The highlight of the festival was their attempt at trying to break the record for most lit jack-o-lanterns at one time. Their goal was to carve and light 32,000.

This was the third time they have gone for the record, and the third time we have attended.

The first year, Kai enjoyed seeing so many carved pumpkins, but the crowd and hubbub quickly overwhelmed him and we did not stay long. Last year, we stayed longer, but still did not see more than a portion of all the pumpkins.

This year the festival and crowd seemed larger than ever. I tried to find a place to park several blocks away, but found that I had to drive away even further before I found a spot.

Once we were on the festival grounds, we were packed shoulder to shoulder in a huge crowd.

I tried to slowly weave our way through the crowd to find a more open spot. Kai clutched onto me with one hand, and to my wife with the other. But he was not upset.

We made our way back to a portion of the festival we had never been to before. We found out that the town had set up high scaffolds holding many rows of pumpkins that lined the downtown streets for a few blocks. We also saw that there were too many pumpkins to fit on the shelves, so there many placed on the ground at the base of the scaffolds.

Though we arrived after the time the jack-o-lanterns were to be lit, none were. But as we walked around, we heard the announcement for the lighting to begin.

Festival staff lit candles and climbed the scaffolds to light the pumpkins that were on display up high. Other staff handed out small candles for everyone to place inside the carved pumpkins, and longer candles for anyone who wanted to help light them.

My wife took a candle and joined in with the lighting. Kai enjoyed watching her.

My wife and I were getting a bit tired of bending over and lighting the pumpkins, and of the crowd of people. But Kai did not want to leave until all the pumpkins had been lit.

And when they were, it was quite a sight!

I never heard whether the town broke the record they were seeking. After all, how do you count all those pumpkins? But, I do know that our son broke the record for tolerance in a huge throng of people. And more than seeing 32,000 pumpkins, that was the highlight of the evening for me.

Happy B-Day!

Today is my wife’s birthday.

My son had had lobster for the first time earlier in the year, on Mother’s Day. This boy, who once was such a picky eater, surprised me when he was willing to try it then. And once he did, he loved it. I told him that lobster is very expensive and we would have it only on special occasions. And so, from a few weeks ago, Kai has been reminding me that Mom’s birthday is coming up and that maybe we should get lobster.

I was planning that we would celebrate her birthday this weekend, but Kai really wanted to have lobster and did not want to wait another week. So, we ended up celebrating Mom’s birthday last weekend.

While my wife was busy tutoring and then going to the beauty shop, Kai and I spent much of the day working on the birthday celebration. First, we went to place where kids could paint pottery.

Kai loves going there. The first time I went there with him, he had me write down the names and corresponding numbers of each of the nearly hundred colors they had. This time he did not obsess over the colors/numbers, and went right to work on coloring a bowl.

After that we went to a local seafood market. I had plan on getting lobster tails, but Kai asked the attendant if they had whole lobsters. I was not planning on getting whole lobsters – we don’t even have pots big enough to steam them. And they are more expensive than tails. But Kai really had his heart set on them, and it was a special occasion, so I relented.

We had to make one more stop, to get a gluten-free cake mix, frosting, and candles. And then we went back home to work on the next steps.

Kai cracked the eggs and I mixed everything together for the cake mix. And then while it was baking, Kai checked every 5 minutes to see if the lobsters were defrosting. Playing with whole lobsters was definitely more fun than just getting tails.

When the cake was done and cooled off, I put on the frosting and Kai decorated it. It didn’t look as slick as a store-bought cake, but I think the sincerity really showed.

When my wife returned home, we heated the lobsters in the oven.

Eating whole lobsters takes a lot of work. And I totally forgot to take pictures as I was busy helping Kai shell his.

But we all enjoyed it.

Afterward, we brought out the cake and sang happy birthday.

I hope all of my wife’s wishes come true.

Happy birthday, honey!

Carving Jack O’Lanterns

Rain washed out our outdoor activities this weekend. So we had to audible.

On Saturday, we picked up a couple pumpkins to carve into jack o’lanterns.

Last year, when we were on our camping trip, we saw the intricately carved pumpkins of several other campers. From talking with them, we learned that you could buy templates with fancy designs, as well as special tools to help carve them.

We tried a couple of the more simple designs last year, but Kai wanted to move on to “level 2” designs this year. And so the early start on carving a couple pumpkins.

If we left if up to him, we would be carving about ten pumpkins. But, two seems enough to me. Of course, with more than two weeks yet to go until Halloween, we may be carving a few more yet.

Kai was excited to work on the first pumpkin. After I cut open the bottom of the pumpkin, he dug his hand in to take out the seeds and all the innards. Some kids may not like touching all that slimy stuff, but I think its Kai’s favorite part of the whole process.

Once the inside was cleaned out, I worked on tracing out the pattern and then cutting it out.

Can you tell what it is? (It looks better when it is lit up inside.)

My wife then sculpted out the lettering on the other side.

Today, we worked on the other pumpkin. This time it was my wife’s turn to cut out the design.

Kai wasn’t as excited about it as he was yesterday with the first one. This time he cleaned out the inside of the pumpkin, but then was disinterested until Mom had finished carving.

But when all was said and done, he was happy with the results. And, I must say, in the dark, with only the insides lit, they really capture the spirit, don’t you think?

Fall Day Means Another Bonding Experience

After our busy Saturday, we stayed close to home on Sunday. Though it wasn’t all that much less busy of a day.

Kai has wanted to put up Halloween decorations for about a month now. This past weekend, we finally granted him his wish. He and my wife went at it in the morning.

Later, it was time to rake leaves for the first time this season.

When Kai was younger, he got really excited whenever I did the fall yardwork. He would follow me around as I blew the leaves, and then gleefully jump into pile when I was all done. It was one of our early father-and-son bonding experiences, and I still recall how he would laugh when I jumped in the pile with him. Here is a photo from five years ago:

By last year, he did not get quite as excited. After the first few times last fall, he did not always even come outside when I was doing the yardwork.

But on this first occasion for this year, he was excited to join in. He playfully ran around as I blew the leaves into the pile. And then he happily jumped in. This time, he laid down right in the middle, enjoying the sensory experience as he does when he rolls around in the sand whenever we go to the beach.

Soon after, he wanted to go back inside, and wanted me to come, too. I told him that I would after I bagged up all the leaves.

I asked if he would help. And he did. By help, I mean, of course, that he would throw the leaves around and maybe half would end up in the bag.

But it was nice that he wanted to help. Our father-and-son bonding is taking a slightly different form.

All too soon, he will be grown up. I am going to enjoy these experiences while they last.

Noting Progress on a Fall Day

Saturday morning I drove Kai to his first ice skating class of the season. When we got out of the car, I noticed that one of the tires was a bit low.

Kai did very well in his class. His skating really improved last year and he picked right up where he left off. But more than that, I was glad to see that he was very happy to be back on the ice and skated with enthusiasm.

When class was over, it was time for our weekly trip to the library. But on the way, I wanted to stop at a gas station and fill the one tire with air.

The first two stations I went to did not have a working air pump. And when I finally found one that did, the tire was very low. I filled it with as much air as I could, and then decided to see if I could make it to a tire shop without having to change the tire.

Kai was not happy with the sudden change in plans. He really wanted to go to the library.

But his reaction was so much milder than we have seen in the past under similar circumstances.

I tried to call my wife to meet us at the shop and to pick us up. I did not want to wait there for long, fearing Kai would explode with impatience.

Unfortunately, my cell phone wasn’t working right, and I could not make that call until we had already arrived at the tire shop. We would have to wait there for a while.

Kai enjoyed looking at all the tires on display, particularly taking in the numbers that rated performance for each on things like traction and comfort, as well as the expected mileage. He was in remarkably good spirits.

By the time my wife got there, we knew that our tire had a nail in it and would need to be replaced. And, in fact, all four tires were worn and ought to be replaced anyway.

My wife’s car was also due for the tires to be changed. With Kai being so well behaved, we decided to have them take a look at her car as well, and ended up deciding to go ahead and replace them on the spot.

The shop worked quickly. But we still waited nearly an hour all together. And Kai never made a fuss.

Once one car was ready to go, we drove up to Wisconsin. The library would have to wait until the next day as Kai was looking forward to trying a new miniature golf course that he and my wife had seen on his last doctor’s visit.

But first, it was time for lunch at the Brat Stop, where the specialty is brats, of course. Kai enjoyed his, and then waited nicely while my wife and I finished eating. This is still a work in process, but we definitely don’t feel quite as rushed over meals as we used to.

And then it was on to the mini golf course.

It was a chilly day, and we were very glad we had gone camping last weekend instead of this.

The course was a wild west theme.

There was a canyon.

And a mining cart.

We were having a nice time.

Until about the seventh hole.

With the chilly weather, it was not crowded. But at the sixth or seventh hole, there was a stackup of people and we had to wait. It turns out that there were a group of six adults that were three groups ahead of us.

Kai found a sign that said that groups should have no more than four players. He grumbled a bit that the group was not playing by the rules.

But overall, he maintained his patience quite well. Much better than me, actually.

It was bad enough that the group had too many players, but they really took their time while playing. Seeing so many groups waiting behind them, they could have tried to play faster, or let the others go ahead of them so they could maintain their leisurely pace. But they did not, so we all had to wait at every hole.

One of the other groups ahead of us left, not being able to wait any longer. Another group skipped a couple holes to jump ahead. I knew Kai would want to play every hole in order so we waited it out.

My impatience with the six adults was surpassed by my pleasure at seeing Kai behave so well.

When we finished our round, we had to hustle to get back home as Kai had a soccer game later in the afternoon.

When Kai started playing soccer two years ago, he rarely went after the ball. I had to constantly encourage him to run and try to kick the ball, and often he just got frustrated and wanted to quit instead.

But now, he played with verve. He ran up and down the field. He went after the ball and tried to score. And he was constantly chatting and laughing.

And even when another boy got frustrated and pushed Kai, he maintained his positive disposition.

Other parents noticed.

Several commented to me how well Kai was doing.

I don’t think they were just being polite or encouraging. I, too, saw how much he had changed from before.

During this one day, we had witnessed so many things where Kai showed so much improvement.

Gotta love it.

Fall Camping – More Hiking? and Other Fun

After our pleasant hike-turned-debacle Saturday morning, we returned to our campsite to rest and recover.

We enjoyed a late lunch – hamburgers cooked over our campfire.

Then we headed out to Boggio’s Orchard. Going to Boggio’s has become part of our fall camping tradition. Usually they have pick-your-own apples, but this year’s unusually warm early spring weather wiped out most of their crop when the apple blossoms that came out extra early were later hit with a frost.

But picking apples is really the least of the reasons why we go there. Kai loves going down the big slide down from the “apple tree.”

And he most especially likes going in their corn pit and burying himself in the huge pile of kernels. It is a sensory delight!

Finally, he looked forward to topping off our visit with a taffy apple and apple cider. Yum!

Our evening back at camp was mostly very pleasant. We grilled chicken for dinner, made s’mores for dessert, and played games in the tent.

The only blemish came when the three of us arrived back at our tent after going to the bathroom. The young men and women at a neighboring campsite were very loud, and worse yet, using extremely vulgar language.

I immediately went over there. I politely told them that I had an eight-year old child, and asked them if they would watch their language. Fortunately, they did not give me a hard time. They immediately apologized and seemed very sheepish about their behavior. We barely heard a peep from them the rest of the night.

And that was good because after our extra-long walk that morning, we really were tired and wanted to get a good night’s sleep.

We slept pretty well that night, and even slept in the next morning, not getting out of the tent until it was quite light out.

Over breakfast, I gave Kai the schedule for the day. We would finish breakfast, take down the tent and pack up, and then do more hiking before heading home.

With mention of more hiking, Kai stopped eating. He balked at the notion of returning to Mathiessen State Park. Our bad experience getting lost the previous day had soured him on the idea of ever hiking there again.

My wife and I explained that we would go to a different part of the park, and that we would pay close attention to the trail so we would not get lost.

That did not appease him.

“Lets’s go hiking at Starved Rock instead.” Kai wanted to go where we had been to the previous two years, a place where we had not gotten lost and where he was very comfortable.

It was a reasonable request. And I knew it would be easier to agree to that. But I never seem to take the easier approach when it comes to parenting.

I insisted to Kai that we would hike at Mathiessen.

I never like to leave things on a sour note. I believe in the old “get back on the horse that kicked you off” philosophy. I felt that if we did not go back to Mathiessen that morning, it would send the wrong message to Kai – that the place was inherently bad and that we had not learned from our mistakes.

But Kai kept saying that he did not want to go there.

“I’ll go to Starved Rock by myself! Okay?!”

I tried to stay calm and reason with him.

But after a long back-and-forth tussle, I resorted to a threat. He was due to get a booster pack of Pokémon cards for his good behavior at school last month. We would stop at a store to get them on our way home, but if he did not go hiking with us, I told him that I might not want to do that.

I hate having to resort to threats to get him to do something, but too often it seems like the only way to get him to cooperate.

After much consideration, he reluctantly agreed to hike at Mathiessen.

So we drove there, only this time to a different part of the park, a place called the Dells Region for its canyons.

This time, we carefully looked at the map before embarking on our hike. Though we quickly found out that there was no way we would get lost here. The trail is more clearly marked, and the natural landmarks are such that there is no room for confusion as to which way to go.

And we found out that this area is even more gorgeous than where we were the day before.

Kai was a very happy boy as we made our way through the canyons…

And stepped across the mostly dry bed of the stream…

And tightroped across a fallen tree with Mom…

And climbed up onto a ledge…

Yes, walking through this beautiful place, all of Kai’s anger and fears from the previous day’s hike had dissipated.

We had found serenity, in more ways than one.

This time, we easily found our way back to our car. There was still time to do more hiking. There was one more area of the park we would like to see.

But we thought we would leave that for next year. We wanted to end on a high note.
And now Kai can’t wait to go back there again.