You can’t visit San Diego with a child and not go to SeaWorld. And so, on the second day of our vacation, that’s what we did.
I wasn’t sure how long we would stay there. Kai has not had much interest in animals or aquariums in the past. But we had multi-day passes, so we were prepared to stay there for just a short time and go back on another day if necessary.
Our first stop at SeaWorld was a place where you can feed rays. Longtime readers may recall that Kai had a terrible public meltdown just last summer at the aquarium at Niagara Falls when they stopped giving out fish before he had his turn to feed the seals. Here, there were no limits, so he got to feed the rays.
It was a very cool experience. Not only could you feed them, you could see them up close and touch them. Kai loved it!
Of course, you cannot go to SeaWorld without seeing Shamu, the killer whale. After feeding the rays, we headed over to the stadium for the Shamu show and got good seats down low in the Wet Zone.
Kai is a boy with many anxieties. One of them is a fear of getting wet. And so, long before the show even started, he wanted to put on his jacket even though it was warm sitting there in the sun while we waited.
It was quite a show.
Shamu is a great performer.
And while many in the crowd got soaked, we escaped Shamu’s splash and stayed dry.
When I was a kid, Shamu was the only attraction at SeaWorld. These days there are many more things to see and do.
We saw a show with dolphins…
and one with sea lions…
and even one with dogs and cats and other animals.
Kai enjoyed all of the shows.
We ended up staying there until late in the afternoon. While we did not go on any rides because Kai did not want to, we saw everything else we wanted to see.
There were no outbursts. There was no whining. There was very little anxiety.
For one day at least, we enjoyed a day on vacation like any other family would.
And that was more spectacular than even Shamu.
Tomorrow: Legoland
Click to read about Day 1 of our vacation.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Saturday, March 30, 2013
San Diego Vacation – Day 1
The morning after our Seder, we left home and began our short Spring Break trip to San Diego, California.
Kai had been looking forward to it, but he was nervous about some things.
“Is the plane going to crash?” he asked repeatedly.
No, I kept telling him. Air travel is quite safe and our plane will not crash.
We had ordered a taxi to pick us up at 6:20 AM. The night before, Kai was anxious about oversleeping.
“You and Mom wake me up at 5:30. I don’t want to be here by myself all week.”
Ha, he was worried that we would actually go to San Diego without him.
The next morning, he had no trouble waking up. He was raring to go.
At the airport, he did fine going through security, and was relatively patient while waiting to board the airplane.
When we stepped onto the plane, he peeked into the cockpit.
“Is the pilot a good one, Dad?”
Yes, Kai, the pilot is really good.
“We’re not going to crash, Dad?”
No, we’re not, I reassured him for the umpteenth time.
He was pretty good on the plane, other than loudly asking what time it was every 5 minutes. He was very concerned about how much longer it was until we landed. But mostly he enjoyed watching some of the ten DVDs we brought to keep him occupied.
When we landed in San Diego, it was sunny and warm. Ah yes!
But when we got off the shuttle at the rental car facility, I saw signs of trouble. There was a crowd of people waiting for cars.
Despite having reserved a car weeks ago, the woman at the desk told me it would be a 15 to 20 minute wait for a car. The large crowd indicated that it would longer than that.
We waited and tried to keep Kai occupied with the iPad. But after awhile he started asking questions.
“How long is it going to be before we get our car?”
I was wondering the same thing.
When the wait went past the 20-minute mark, Kai got more agitated.
“I’m getting very impatient!”
After several more minutes, he got louder.
“THIS IS A STUPID PLACE. I HATE THESE PEOPLE!”
We shooed him out of the building and hoped that waiting in the sunshine outside would calm him down.
It did not.
“I WANT TO GO HOME RIGHT NOW!”
I went back inside to make sure I didn’t miss hearing our name being called.
And after several more minutes, I did it.
I played the “autism card.”
I went up to the manager and explained to him that my son with autism has a very difficult time with waiting.
Thankfully, he was very responsive. He found a car for us.
About the time we were finishing up the paperwork, Kai came back into the building. He saw me with the manager and came over.
“I WANT A CAR RIGHT NOW!”
Yes, sir, the manager told him.
I explained to Kai that we had a car.
“GOOD!”
I tried to brighten his mood by telling him that we even got upgraded to an SUV.
We finally left the rental place and drove to our hotel where we met San Diego friends of Kai’s grandparents.
Dave and Iris took us to lunch. Dave has a very funny sense of humor, and I was glad to see that Kai got some of his humor, much like he is starting to catch on to his grandfather’s humor.
After lunch, they drove us around town, giving us a great introduction to San Diego. We drove to Pacific Beach, downtown, and then to the harbor where we got out and saw some of the ships.
About the time we got to Coronado, Kai started to get agitated.
“How much longer?” he whined.
We explained that we came all this way to see San Diego, and it was nice that Dave and Iris wanted to show us around. We were not planning to drive for long. We would not be going much farther. Still Kai’s complaints grew louder and more persistent.
“I want to go back to the hotel!”
While Kai can hold up well for day-long rides when we are traveling somewhere, he has difficulty with the notion of sightseeing. I think he just sees that as driving around without getting anywhere.
We had only one or two more places to see, but decided cut it short and head back to the hotel. I felt badly for our hosts. I’m sure they understood, but it still felt a bit rude. Iris, a retired speech therapist, did tell us that Kai delivers clear messages, and I’m pretty sure she meant that as a compliment to him.
Once back at the hotel, Kai led us to the place where they kept two blind rescued seals.
Then he wanted to use the swimming pool. We didn’t need to fly all the way to San Diego to go to a swimming pool, but I think our daily afternoon time at the pool was Kai’s favorite activity on the trip.
When he was in the water with Mom and Dad, he was a happy kid.
That evening, we had dinner at a sushi restaurant. My wife liked that the sushi met her high standards. I liked that Kai was well behaved there.
It wasn’t a perfect day. We really never have those. But we had some nice times. We had started our vacation.
Tomorrow: SeaWorld
Kai had been looking forward to it, but he was nervous about some things.
“Is the plane going to crash?” he asked repeatedly.
No, I kept telling him. Air travel is quite safe and our plane will not crash.
We had ordered a taxi to pick us up at 6:20 AM. The night before, Kai was anxious about oversleeping.
“You and Mom wake me up at 5:30. I don’t want to be here by myself all week.”
Ha, he was worried that we would actually go to San Diego without him.
The next morning, he had no trouble waking up. He was raring to go.
At the airport, he did fine going through security, and was relatively patient while waiting to board the airplane.
When we stepped onto the plane, he peeked into the cockpit.
“Is the pilot a good one, Dad?”
Yes, Kai, the pilot is really good.
“We’re not going to crash, Dad?”
No, we’re not, I reassured him for the umpteenth time.
He was pretty good on the plane, other than loudly asking what time it was every 5 minutes. He was very concerned about how much longer it was until we landed. But mostly he enjoyed watching some of the ten DVDs we brought to keep him occupied.
When we landed in San Diego, it was sunny and warm. Ah yes!
But when we got off the shuttle at the rental car facility, I saw signs of trouble. There was a crowd of people waiting for cars.
Despite having reserved a car weeks ago, the woman at the desk told me it would be a 15 to 20 minute wait for a car. The large crowd indicated that it would longer than that.
We waited and tried to keep Kai occupied with the iPad. But after awhile he started asking questions.
“How long is it going to be before we get our car?”
I was wondering the same thing.
When the wait went past the 20-minute mark, Kai got more agitated.
“I’m getting very impatient!”
After several more minutes, he got louder.
“THIS IS A STUPID PLACE. I HATE THESE PEOPLE!”
We shooed him out of the building and hoped that waiting in the sunshine outside would calm him down.
It did not.
“I WANT TO GO HOME RIGHT NOW!”
I went back inside to make sure I didn’t miss hearing our name being called.
And after several more minutes, I did it.
I played the “autism card.”
I went up to the manager and explained to him that my son with autism has a very difficult time with waiting.
Thankfully, he was very responsive. He found a car for us.
About the time we were finishing up the paperwork, Kai came back into the building. He saw me with the manager and came over.
“I WANT A CAR RIGHT NOW!”
Yes, sir, the manager told him.
I explained to Kai that we had a car.
“GOOD!”
I tried to brighten his mood by telling him that we even got upgraded to an SUV.
We finally left the rental place and drove to our hotel where we met San Diego friends of Kai’s grandparents.
Dave and Iris took us to lunch. Dave has a very funny sense of humor, and I was glad to see that Kai got some of his humor, much like he is starting to catch on to his grandfather’s humor.
After lunch, they drove us around town, giving us a great introduction to San Diego. We drove to Pacific Beach, downtown, and then to the harbor where we got out and saw some of the ships.
About the time we got to Coronado, Kai started to get agitated.
“How much longer?” he whined.
We explained that we came all this way to see San Diego, and it was nice that Dave and Iris wanted to show us around. We were not planning to drive for long. We would not be going much farther. Still Kai’s complaints grew louder and more persistent.
“I want to go back to the hotel!”
While Kai can hold up well for day-long rides when we are traveling somewhere, he has difficulty with the notion of sightseeing. I think he just sees that as driving around without getting anywhere.
We had only one or two more places to see, but decided cut it short and head back to the hotel. I felt badly for our hosts. I’m sure they understood, but it still felt a bit rude. Iris, a retired speech therapist, did tell us that Kai delivers clear messages, and I’m pretty sure she meant that as a compliment to him.
Once back at the hotel, Kai led us to the place where they kept two blind rescued seals.
Then he wanted to use the swimming pool. We didn’t need to fly all the way to San Diego to go to a swimming pool, but I think our daily afternoon time at the pool was Kai’s favorite activity on the trip.
When he was in the water with Mom and Dad, he was a happy kid.
That evening, we had dinner at a sushi restaurant. My wife liked that the sushi met her high standards. I liked that Kai was well behaved there.
It wasn’t a perfect day. We really never have those. But we had some nice times. We had started our vacation.
Tomorrow: SeaWorld
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Passover Seder
We had Kai’s grandparents over for Passover Seder yesterday.
Kai looks forward to all holidays, but this is one of his favorites. I like that he so enjoys a holiday that is not dominated by gifts. His love of this occasion is for the rituals, and spending cherished time with family.
He was very excited when his grandparents arrived. After enthusiastically greeting them, he ran to get his magnetic Hebrew alphabet characters.
Then he wanted to help Bubbe set up the Seder plate.
The first couple years we celebrated Passover, Kai had a wide-eyed fascination with all of the rituals of the Seder. Now, he is so familiar with them, and looks forward with anticipation.
In previous years, Bubbe explained to Kai the different parts of the Seder plate. This year Kai was telling her what needed to go on the plate. He wasn’t so much helping as he was directing and doing.
Papa asked Kai if he would assist while Papa led the Seder. Kai agreed.
But when we got started, Kai kind of took over, reading the Haggadah and going through all the steps.
He directed us to have the first glass of wine, or cup of grape juice in our case.
He pointed out the parts of the Seder plate.
He really enjoyed dipping the parsley in salt water.
When he got to the Ten Plagues, he was ready with the finger and hand puppets that he had from previous years.
We had dinner, and then it was time to find the afikoman. Usually an adult usually does that while the kids compete to find it for a reward. But this time Kai wanted to hide it. And when Papa found it, he got the reward of a big hug from Kai.
Aside from all the Seder rituals, what I enjoyed the most was seeing Kai interact with his grandparents. He is recognizing his grandfather’s humor more and more. I remember when Kai was younger, Kai would have a puzzled expression on his face and we would have to explain that Papa was kidding. These days he is likely to laugh and say, “No, Papa. You’re joking.”
And so we had a wonderful Passover. Hopefully you had a nice one, too.
Kai looks forward to all holidays, but this is one of his favorites. I like that he so enjoys a holiday that is not dominated by gifts. His love of this occasion is for the rituals, and spending cherished time with family.
He was very excited when his grandparents arrived. After enthusiastically greeting them, he ran to get his magnetic Hebrew alphabet characters.
Then he wanted to help Bubbe set up the Seder plate.
The first couple years we celebrated Passover, Kai had a wide-eyed fascination with all of the rituals of the Seder. Now, he is so familiar with them, and looks forward with anticipation.
In previous years, Bubbe explained to Kai the different parts of the Seder plate. This year Kai was telling her what needed to go on the plate. He wasn’t so much helping as he was directing and doing.
Papa asked Kai if he would assist while Papa led the Seder. Kai agreed.
But when we got started, Kai kind of took over, reading the Haggadah and going through all the steps.
He directed us to have the first glass of wine, or cup of grape juice in our case.
He pointed out the parts of the Seder plate.
He really enjoyed dipping the parsley in salt water.
When he got to the Ten Plagues, he was ready with the finger and hand puppets that he had from previous years.
We had dinner, and then it was time to find the afikoman. Usually an adult usually does that while the kids compete to find it for a reward. But this time Kai wanted to hide it. And when Papa found it, he got the reward of a big hug from Kai.
Aside from all the Seder rituals, what I enjoyed the most was seeing Kai interact with his grandparents. He is recognizing his grandfather’s humor more and more. I remember when Kai was younger, Kai would have a puzzled expression on his face and we would have to explain that Papa was kidding. These days he is likely to laugh and say, “No, Papa. You’re joking.”
And so we had a wonderful Passover. Hopefully you had a nice one, too.
Monday, March 25, 2013
The Haircut
Yesterday will forever be remembered at our house as the day that Kai got The Haircut.
My wife has been cutting my hair and Kai’s hair at home for several years now. It saves money, as well as the agony of taking Kai to the barbershop.
We try to make the experience somewhat fun for Kai. Mom’s Barbershop has music, and Kai has the job of sweeping up my hair as Mom works on me. Then it is his turn.
We use electric hair clippers, as it is much faster and easier than scissors. You just attach the glide that adjusts for the length you want the hair to be cut. Then, you turn it on and comb it through the hair. After one or two passes through each part of the head, the haircut is done.
Yesterday, Kai and I were watching the NASCAR race on television. It looked like it might end around the time we usually have our haircuts, so Kai decided he wanted his cut earlier so that he would be sure to see the end of the race.
My wife was napping, but Kai got her up to open up the barbershop.
While he usually wants me to get cut first, yesterday he insisted that he go first as he wanted to get back to the race as soon as possible.
As he sat down in the chair, I went to get a broom and dustpan.
I heard my wife scream.
“AAAAAAAKKKKK!!!!!!!”
I ran back to the bathroom where we do the haircuts.
Kai was concerned.
“What? What is it, Mom?”
My wife was excited.
“I’m so sorry! I forgot to put the clip on.”
I saw that she had cut a swatch up the side of Kai’s head. Without the glide adjustment, his hair was shaved down to the skin.
Kai started to get upset.
“WHEN IS MY HAIR GROWING BACK?”
My wife kept apologizing, and said she was still sleepy from her nap, but I think that only made Kai more upset.
“I WANT MY HAIR!”
He started crying.
“MOM, YOU ARE NEVER CUTTING MY HAIR AGAIN!”
My wife hugged Kai, repeatedly apologizing.
This sounds a bit insensitive, but we were both struggling to contain laughter. After all, Kai looked silly with that bald swatch. And it was kind of funny that he was so upset about it.
Here is a boy who constantly puts his clothes on backward, who shows his underwear when he doesn’t pull his pants all the way up, who wipes his dirty hands on his shirts, and through all of it, never seems to care how he looks.
But he was upset now.
I told him that I could fix his hair. In reality, I was trying to think fast what we could do.
I debated between shaving his entire head and giving him a shaved-head look, or just cutting both sides short and giving him a Mohawk or Faux Hawk or whatever they call that style.
I chose the latter.
He did not want to get back in the chair. He did not want anyone taking clippers to his hair any more.
I instructed my wife to quit apologizing and instead to reassure Kai. We both told him that I would give him a cool style.
Kai has a college-age cousin that he looks up to. Kiyoshi always has a unique hairstyle. We told Kai that we would give him a look similar to his fashionable cousin.
We finally got him to sit back down and I got started with the clippers.
I shaved the side of the head that had the bald spot. For some reason, I could not quite cut down that close to the skin so you can still see the original cut. But I was able to make it look like it was planned rather than a big mistake. I then cut the other side short, though I did not have the heart to cut it down to the skin. I trimmed the top but left it long.
Here is the result:
Afterward, we still had time to watch the very exciting finish to the NASCAR race. I did my own animated play-by-play of the finish, both because it was so exciting, and to get Kai’s mind off his head.
He was mostly happy the rest of the afternoon and evening. Though he still asked how long it would be before his hair looked normal again.
We will be telling all of our relatives and his teachers to tell Kai how great he looks with his cool hairstyle.
And I will try not to laugh whenever I look at him.
This is the kind of thing that we will laugh about for years to come, I hope.
Just not too much right now.
My wife has been cutting my hair and Kai’s hair at home for several years now. It saves money, as well as the agony of taking Kai to the barbershop.
We try to make the experience somewhat fun for Kai. Mom’s Barbershop has music, and Kai has the job of sweeping up my hair as Mom works on me. Then it is his turn.
We use electric hair clippers, as it is much faster and easier than scissors. You just attach the glide that adjusts for the length you want the hair to be cut. Then, you turn it on and comb it through the hair. After one or two passes through each part of the head, the haircut is done.
Yesterday, Kai and I were watching the NASCAR race on television. It looked like it might end around the time we usually have our haircuts, so Kai decided he wanted his cut earlier so that he would be sure to see the end of the race.
My wife was napping, but Kai got her up to open up the barbershop.
While he usually wants me to get cut first, yesterday he insisted that he go first as he wanted to get back to the race as soon as possible.
As he sat down in the chair, I went to get a broom and dustpan.
I heard my wife scream.
“AAAAAAAKKKKK!!!!!!!”
I ran back to the bathroom where we do the haircuts.
Kai was concerned.
“What? What is it, Mom?”
My wife was excited.
“I’m so sorry! I forgot to put the clip on.”
I saw that she had cut a swatch up the side of Kai’s head. Without the glide adjustment, his hair was shaved down to the skin.
Kai started to get upset.
“WHEN IS MY HAIR GROWING BACK?”
My wife kept apologizing, and said she was still sleepy from her nap, but I think that only made Kai more upset.
“I WANT MY HAIR!”
He started crying.
“MOM, YOU ARE NEVER CUTTING MY HAIR AGAIN!”
My wife hugged Kai, repeatedly apologizing.
This sounds a bit insensitive, but we were both struggling to contain laughter. After all, Kai looked silly with that bald swatch. And it was kind of funny that he was so upset about it.
Here is a boy who constantly puts his clothes on backward, who shows his underwear when he doesn’t pull his pants all the way up, who wipes his dirty hands on his shirts, and through all of it, never seems to care how he looks.
But he was upset now.
I told him that I could fix his hair. In reality, I was trying to think fast what we could do.
I debated between shaving his entire head and giving him a shaved-head look, or just cutting both sides short and giving him a Mohawk or Faux Hawk or whatever they call that style.
I chose the latter.
He did not want to get back in the chair. He did not want anyone taking clippers to his hair any more.
I instructed my wife to quit apologizing and instead to reassure Kai. We both told him that I would give him a cool style.
Kai has a college-age cousin that he looks up to. Kiyoshi always has a unique hairstyle. We told Kai that we would give him a look similar to his fashionable cousin.
We finally got him to sit back down and I got started with the clippers.
I shaved the side of the head that had the bald spot. For some reason, I could not quite cut down that close to the skin so you can still see the original cut. But I was able to make it look like it was planned rather than a big mistake. I then cut the other side short, though I did not have the heart to cut it down to the skin. I trimmed the top but left it long.
Here is the result:
Afterward, we still had time to watch the very exciting finish to the NASCAR race. I did my own animated play-by-play of the finish, both because it was so exciting, and to get Kai’s mind off his head.
He was mostly happy the rest of the afternoon and evening. Though he still asked how long it would be before his hair looked normal again.
We will be telling all of our relatives and his teachers to tell Kai how great he looks with his cool hairstyle.
And I will try not to laugh whenever I look at him.
This is the kind of thing that we will laugh about for years to come, I hope.
Just not too much right now.
Labels:
haircut
Friday, March 22, 2013
Puppy Love
Kai’s little friend Haribo, the tiny Chihuahua, is still with us. Her owner called from overseas and told us that his business trip has been extended. So, Haribo is staying with us longer than expected.
I don’t think that Kai minds.
Whenever I arrive home in the evening, I almost always see him sitting together with Haribo on the bean bag chair in our kitchen.
They are often together like that after dinner, too.
Last night, while I was washing dishes, I heard Kai speaking to Haribo.
“Haribo, you’re my sweetheart. I love you!”
Haha, it’s nice to see him so attached to his little companion. For a boy who has no real friends to speak of outside of school, his canine friend has stimulated his communications and interactions nicely.
Funny what love will do.
I don’t think that Kai minds.
Whenever I arrive home in the evening, I almost always see him sitting together with Haribo on the bean bag chair in our kitchen.
They are often together like that after dinner, too.
Last night, while I was washing dishes, I heard Kai speaking to Haribo.
“Haribo, you’re my sweetheart. I love you!”
Haha, it’s nice to see him so attached to his little companion. For a boy who has no real friends to speak of outside of school, his canine friend has stimulated his communications and interactions nicely.
Funny what love will do.
Labels:
communication,
dogs
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Spirit Week
It’s been Spirit Week at my son’s school. The student council picked a theme for each day.
Monday was ‘Dress Backwards’ day. For the longest time, Kai put his shirts on backward more often than not. I never really understood how he could memorize the Hebrew alphabet but could never remember which side of his shirt needs to be in front.
Anyway, he doesn’t seem to do that so often anymore, and we forgot that Monday was supposed to be this special day, so he went to school dressed normally. Ha, I think ‘Mr. Backwards’ ended up being backward as he probably was the only kid who wore his shirt right side forward.
Tuesday was ‘Pirate or Cowboy’ day. Back in the day when I was a boy, if we had a day like this, everyone would have been a cowboy. But pirates seem all the rage these days.
When Kai was three years old, we all dressed as pirates for Halloween.
He doesn’t fit into his old costume, of course. But he looked pretty good in my old costume, don’t you think?
My wife told me that she asked Kai to put on his glasses before he left for school but he did not want to.
“Mom, pirates don’t wear glasses.”
Ha, good point.
Unfortunately, his good nature did not last long. At one point during the day, he got angry and snapped off the necklace. And when the beads spilled all over the floor, it only made him more upset. It did not quite escalate into a major incident, though.
That happened the next day.
Yesterday was ‘Dress Wild’ day. My wife repurposed another Halloween costume, this one from back when Kai was five years old.
He still fit into this costume, though we have no photos from this time.
While Kai was dressed somewhat wildly, his behavior apparent was even wilder.
We still don’t know the precisely what happened, but it sounds like Kai angrily threw a ball at a staff member, and it wasn’t in a nice way.
When I spoke to my wife on the phone on my way to the train station, she was worn out from dealing with Kai when he came home from school. He refused to go to his speech therapy session.
One nice consequence about working downtown is that I can prepare to deal with things on my train ride home instead of having to deal with eruptions on the spot. When I arrived home, Kai was still in his room, lying on his bed. I went up to his room to talk to him.
I calmly tried to get him to talk about what happened. He said he did not want to talk about school, and only said that he did not want to go to that school anymore. I did not push him to say much more, but did say that sometimes it helps to talk about unpleasant things.
As I often do when he has bad days, I told him that he should learn from this one and make the next day a better one.
After awhile he said he wanted to read a book together. And several minutes later, he was ready to come down to the kitchen to have dinner.
I’m sure that he is better able to control his emotions than he used to. His recovery periods are shorter than they used to be.
I have learned a little bit along the way, too. At least on this occasion, I didn’t let my own frustration and anger exacerbate the situation as I too often did before.
Today’s Spirit Week theme is ‘Blast from the Past.’ I only hope that it doesn’t bring with it a blast of anger from Kai.
Monday was ‘Dress Backwards’ day. For the longest time, Kai put his shirts on backward more often than not. I never really understood how he could memorize the Hebrew alphabet but could never remember which side of his shirt needs to be in front.
Anyway, he doesn’t seem to do that so often anymore, and we forgot that Monday was supposed to be this special day, so he went to school dressed normally. Ha, I think ‘Mr. Backwards’ ended up being backward as he probably was the only kid who wore his shirt right side forward.
Tuesday was ‘Pirate or Cowboy’ day. Back in the day when I was a boy, if we had a day like this, everyone would have been a cowboy. But pirates seem all the rage these days.
When Kai was three years old, we all dressed as pirates for Halloween.
He doesn’t fit into his old costume, of course. But he looked pretty good in my old costume, don’t you think?
My wife told me that she asked Kai to put on his glasses before he left for school but he did not want to.
“Mom, pirates don’t wear glasses.”
Ha, good point.
Unfortunately, his good nature did not last long. At one point during the day, he got angry and snapped off the necklace. And when the beads spilled all over the floor, it only made him more upset. It did not quite escalate into a major incident, though.
That happened the next day.
Yesterday was ‘Dress Wild’ day. My wife repurposed another Halloween costume, this one from back when Kai was five years old.
He still fit into this costume, though we have no photos from this time.
While Kai was dressed somewhat wildly, his behavior apparent was even wilder.
We still don’t know the precisely what happened, but it sounds like Kai angrily threw a ball at a staff member, and it wasn’t in a nice way.
When I spoke to my wife on the phone on my way to the train station, she was worn out from dealing with Kai when he came home from school. He refused to go to his speech therapy session.
One nice consequence about working downtown is that I can prepare to deal with things on my train ride home instead of having to deal with eruptions on the spot. When I arrived home, Kai was still in his room, lying on his bed. I went up to his room to talk to him.
I calmly tried to get him to talk about what happened. He said he did not want to talk about school, and only said that he did not want to go to that school anymore. I did not push him to say much more, but did say that sometimes it helps to talk about unpleasant things.
As I often do when he has bad days, I told him that he should learn from this one and make the next day a better one.
After awhile he said he wanted to read a book together. And several minutes later, he was ready to come down to the kitchen to have dinner.
I’m sure that he is better able to control his emotions than he used to. His recovery periods are shorter than they used to be.
I have learned a little bit along the way, too. At least on this occasion, I didn’t let my own frustration and anger exacerbate the situation as I too often did before.
Today’s Spirit Week theme is ‘Blast from the Past.’ I only hope that it doesn’t bring with it a blast of anger from Kai.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Skate Show Practice – Two Years Later
My son has been enrolled in our local special needs ice skating class for three winters now.
The first time he took the class, we signed him up to participate with his group in the ice show that was held in the spring. The experience of the ice show itself was surprisingly good, but I still recoil every time I think of the practices for the show.
Kai hated the practices. They were long. They were boring. They mostly required that he stand and listen to the instructor give instructions, and then methodically do all the movements instructed. Kai often ended up lying on the ice, refusing to move.
The group photo for the show accurately reflects his demeanor on the ice.
I was somewhat relieved last year when his skating class did not participate in the ice show.
But this year, they will be in it once again.
I asked Kai if he wanted to be in the show. I told him that he did not have to participate, but if he said he did, he would have to attend the 8AM practices without complaint, listen to the teacher, and participate nicely.
He grouchily said, “OKAY, I’LL DO IT!” as if I was forcing him to.
I calmly repeated that he did not have to do the show, and he again said that he would.
This past Saturday morning was his first practice session.
After a short free skate warmup, the instructor gathered the young skaters together and walked them through the routine.
I kept waiting for Kai to explode.
But he did not.
And, actually, he seemed to enjoy it.
I could see him raising his arms up when the instructor did.
I could see him clapping in unison to the music.
Why, he was having fun, wasn’t he?
And afterward, he even admitted it.
Don't you like it when expected torture turns out to be fun?
Here’s hoping it will stay like that for the remaining practices.
The first time he took the class, we signed him up to participate with his group in the ice show that was held in the spring. The experience of the ice show itself was surprisingly good, but I still recoil every time I think of the practices for the show.
Kai hated the practices. They were long. They were boring. They mostly required that he stand and listen to the instructor give instructions, and then methodically do all the movements instructed. Kai often ended up lying on the ice, refusing to move.
The group photo for the show accurately reflects his demeanor on the ice.
I was somewhat relieved last year when his skating class did not participate in the ice show.
But this year, they will be in it once again.
I asked Kai if he wanted to be in the show. I told him that he did not have to participate, but if he said he did, he would have to attend the 8AM practices without complaint, listen to the teacher, and participate nicely.
He grouchily said, “OKAY, I’LL DO IT!” as if I was forcing him to.
I calmly repeated that he did not have to do the show, and he again said that he would.
This past Saturday morning was his first practice session.
After a short free skate warmup, the instructor gathered the young skaters together and walked them through the routine.
I kept waiting for Kai to explode.
But he did not.
And, actually, he seemed to enjoy it.
I could see him raising his arms up when the instructor did.
I could see him clapping in unison to the music.
Why, he was having fun, wasn’t he?
And afterward, he even admitted it.
Don't you like it when expected torture turns out to be fun?
Here’s hoping it will stay like that for the remaining practices.
Labels:
ice skating
Friday, March 15, 2013
Reading Comprehension, Life Comprehension
As is our usual bedtime custom, my son and I were reading the other evening. It was the day that he had his major incident at school, so he was still feeling glum. Instead of reading himself, Kai wanted me to read to him.
He picked a book we got from the library, one of the Fox series written by noted children’s author, James Marshall.
I read aloud.
The story begins with Fox’s mother asking him to take his little sister to the park. Fox does not want to go; he wants to stay home and watch tv instead. But his mother insists so he reluctantly went. At the park, he meets a beautiful girl fox. She thought it was wonderful that Fox took his little sister to the park. Fox said of course, he loves to do that. His sister rolls her eyes.
I stopped and asked Kai why Fox’s sister rolled her eyes. He did not know, he said.
I asked him what Fox said right before she rolled her eyes. I had to point out the passage and Kai read the part about Fox saying that he enjoyed bringing his sister to the park.
I again asked Kai why his sister rolled her eyes at that. Still, he did not know.
I asked him if Fox really wanted to take his sister to the park. Yes, said Kai.
I went back to the earlier passage that indicated that his mother had to force him to take his sister to the park. Kai still had trouble putting it all together. I ended up explaining the whole thing to him.
Kai is a good reader when it comes to knowing the words. But as this one example shows, even seemingly simple aspects of stories are hard for him to comprehend.
* * * * *
At dinnertime, my wife and I always have Kai talk about his day at school. Oftentimes he will express anger at a teacher or student.
“David is mean.”
Why is that?
“He’s a bully.”
What did he do?
He got to use the computer.
Oh, so you are angry that he got to use the computer?
“Yes.”
Did you get to use the computer?
“No.”
It takes awhile, but we piece together that Kai misbehaved and lost his privilege to use the computer at break time. The other boy got to use the computer, which made Kai mad.
It was all the result of his own action. But Kai does not seem to understand that. In his mind, the other boy was mean, and that is that.
* * * * *
After seeing Kai’s difficulty in answering the simple questions about the bedtime story the other night, I realized that the same difficulty he has in comprehending the story was also affecting his reasoning skills when it came to real-life events.
He can’t put two and two together to understand that his own actions are what cause some of his worst moments.
Until he can, I think it will always be a challenge to get him to accept responsibility for his actions. Until then, while his anger is seen less often than before, I think we will continue to see the type of inappropriate behaviors that he did the other day.
So, this is our mission.
It’s not just about reading comprehension. It’s about his life.
He picked a book we got from the library, one of the Fox series written by noted children’s author, James Marshall.
I read aloud.
The story begins with Fox’s mother asking him to take his little sister to the park. Fox does not want to go; he wants to stay home and watch tv instead. But his mother insists so he reluctantly went. At the park, he meets a beautiful girl fox. She thought it was wonderful that Fox took his little sister to the park. Fox said of course, he loves to do that. His sister rolls her eyes.
I stopped and asked Kai why Fox’s sister rolled her eyes. He did not know, he said.
I asked him what Fox said right before she rolled her eyes. I had to point out the passage and Kai read the part about Fox saying that he enjoyed bringing his sister to the park.
I again asked Kai why his sister rolled her eyes at that. Still, he did not know.
I asked him if Fox really wanted to take his sister to the park. Yes, said Kai.
I went back to the earlier passage that indicated that his mother had to force him to take his sister to the park. Kai still had trouble putting it all together. I ended up explaining the whole thing to him.
Kai is a good reader when it comes to knowing the words. But as this one example shows, even seemingly simple aspects of stories are hard for him to comprehend.
At dinnertime, my wife and I always have Kai talk about his day at school. Oftentimes he will express anger at a teacher or student.
“David is mean.”
Why is that?
“He’s a bully.”
What did he do?
He got to use the computer.
Oh, so you are angry that he got to use the computer?
“Yes.”
Did you get to use the computer?
“No.”
It takes awhile, but we piece together that Kai misbehaved and lost his privilege to use the computer at break time. The other boy got to use the computer, which made Kai mad.
It was all the result of his own action. But Kai does not seem to understand that. In his mind, the other boy was mean, and that is that.
After seeing Kai’s difficulty in answering the simple questions about the bedtime story the other night, I realized that the same difficulty he has in comprehending the story was also affecting his reasoning skills when it came to real-life events.
He can’t put two and two together to understand that his own actions are what cause some of his worst moments.
Until he can, I think it will always be a challenge to get him to accept responsibility for his actions. Until then, while his anger is seen less often than before, I think we will continue to see the type of inappropriate behaviors that he did the other day.
So, this is our mission.
It’s not just about reading comprehension. It’s about his life.
Labels:
reading comprehension,
reasoning
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
So Close, Yet So Far
Three more days.
My son just had to go without a major incident at school for three more days and he would have attained Level 4.
It looked like he had come precariously close to a major incident on Monday. His daily point sheet indicated that he had several bad periods that day, beginning with 3rd period when he had PE.
When we asked him what happened at school that day, Kai started out, as he often does, complaining how a teacher had been mean to him because she took away a privilege of using the computer at break time.
Well, why did she do that, we wondered.
With Kai, answers to questions come slowly, if at all. When the topic is something unpleasant, like a bad day at school, you have to be especially persistent and/or patient to piece together what happened.
Eventually he told us that he had to make up work during break. And why did he have to make up work?
Because he had gotten a timeout.
And why did he get a timeout?
Because he was upset at missing part of PE.
Why did he miss part of PE?
Because it was raining. And so he did not want to go outside (to walk over to the gym in another building).
So, all because of a little rain, and his anxiety about going out in it, one thing led to another and he had a bad day at school.
But, he managed to control himself enough to not let it escalate it into a major incident.
On that day.
But then there is today.
Kai’s social worker at school emailed us the bad news. He had a major incident.
It started out when he got upset about missing the beginning of recess. We haven’t yet learned the details as to why he missed it, but I’m sure it was something that he did.
We did hear what happened afterward.
He went to the bathroom and urinated all over the room in anger.
It is not the first time he’s done that.
So, that’s it. He will not achieve Level 4 for now.
His social worker reported that he was extremely disappointed later when he realized that his actions had cost him his achievement. And my wife reports that he was very glum when he came home from school this afternoon.
I’d like to think that this is a huge learning experience for him. That he will realize that he needs to make better choices.
But I’m not sure he will.
Oftentimes he just blames others, usually his teachers, for doing something to make him upset.
And so, this time we came very close to a milestone.
But Kai’s continuing anger issues make me think that we still have very far to go.
My son just had to go without a major incident at school for three more days and he would have attained Level 4.
It looked like he had come precariously close to a major incident on Monday. His daily point sheet indicated that he had several bad periods that day, beginning with 3rd period when he had PE.
When we asked him what happened at school that day, Kai started out, as he often does, complaining how a teacher had been mean to him because she took away a privilege of using the computer at break time.
Well, why did she do that, we wondered.
With Kai, answers to questions come slowly, if at all. When the topic is something unpleasant, like a bad day at school, you have to be especially persistent and/or patient to piece together what happened.
Eventually he told us that he had to make up work during break. And why did he have to make up work?
Because he had gotten a timeout.
And why did he get a timeout?
Because he was upset at missing part of PE.
Why did he miss part of PE?
Because it was raining. And so he did not want to go outside (to walk over to the gym in another building).
So, all because of a little rain, and his anxiety about going out in it, one thing led to another and he had a bad day at school.
But, he managed to control himself enough to not let it escalate it into a major incident.
On that day.
But then there is today.
Kai’s social worker at school emailed us the bad news. He had a major incident.
It started out when he got upset about missing the beginning of recess. We haven’t yet learned the details as to why he missed it, but I’m sure it was something that he did.
We did hear what happened afterward.
He went to the bathroom and urinated all over the room in anger.
It is not the first time he’s done that.
So, that’s it. He will not achieve Level 4 for now.
His social worker reported that he was extremely disappointed later when he realized that his actions had cost him his achievement. And my wife reports that he was very glum when he came home from school this afternoon.
I’d like to think that this is a huge learning experience for him. That he will realize that he needs to make better choices.
But I’m not sure he will.
Oftentimes he just blames others, usually his teachers, for doing something to make him upset.
And so, this time we came very close to a milestone.
But Kai’s continuing anger issues make me think that we still have very far to go.
Monday, March 11, 2013
A Splashing Good Time
I had planned on taking Kai running yesterday morning. Although he has been doing more exercises with Mom lately, it has been a long time since he and I were running regularly. So soon after he woke up, I asked him if he would go running with me and he agreed.
But by the time I got home from the gym after my workout, he had changed his mind.
“My stomach hurts,” he said.
I pretty much figured that was just an excuse, but after our experience at the waterpark a few weeks ago, I decided not to push it. Even if he didn’t throw up, I didn’t have the energy for enduring the ordeal that surely would have ensued had I tried to get him to run when his heart wasn’t in it.
So, instead, we joined Mom as she took the dogs out for a walk.
I took the leash for Taro, a puppy Poodle, while my wife walked with Haribo, the tiny Chihuahua. Sometimes Kai likes to hold a leash but on this day he just wanted to walk without holding a dog.
We had had a lot of snow in our area over the past few weeks, but warmer weather this weekend meant that it was starting to melt.
There were many large puddles along our walking trail.
Haribo is a little princess when it comes to getting her tiny paws wet; she halts and waits for my wife to pick her up and carry over puddles of water or mounds of snow.
Taro, on the other hand, is a true little boy, who loves splashing through the water.
The first time Taro ran through a puddle, Kai laughed and then joyously joined in.
I normally scold Kai about going through a puddle when he could easily step around.
But I saw the joy in his face, and spotted an opportunity.
Rather than restraining Taro, I ran with him as he pulled me to the next puddle. Kai eagerly followed. And he was laughing the whole time.
And then it was on to the next puddle.
Running, splashing, laughing.
And when we got too far ahead, we waited for Mom and Haribo to catch up.
I got Kai to do the equivalent of wind sprints, but he didn’t mind at all. We probably ran further and faster than if we had just gone running as I had originally planned.
By the time we got home, both dog and boy were soaking wet from the legs down. But both were very happy.
Later, Kai figured out that he had done exercise.
“Dad, I ran a lot this morning.”
He wanted little Trashie toy that I would have given him had he gone running.
I told him that he doesn’t earn a reward for just having fun. He seemed okay with that.
After all, it was a lot of fun.
For me, too.
But by the time I got home from the gym after my workout, he had changed his mind.
“My stomach hurts,” he said.
I pretty much figured that was just an excuse, but after our experience at the waterpark a few weeks ago, I decided not to push it. Even if he didn’t throw up, I didn’t have the energy for enduring the ordeal that surely would have ensued had I tried to get him to run when his heart wasn’t in it.
So, instead, we joined Mom as she took the dogs out for a walk.
I took the leash for Taro, a puppy Poodle, while my wife walked with Haribo, the tiny Chihuahua. Sometimes Kai likes to hold a leash but on this day he just wanted to walk without holding a dog.
We had had a lot of snow in our area over the past few weeks, but warmer weather this weekend meant that it was starting to melt.
There were many large puddles along our walking trail.
Haribo is a little princess when it comes to getting her tiny paws wet; she halts and waits for my wife to pick her up and carry over puddles of water or mounds of snow.
Taro, on the other hand, is a true little boy, who loves splashing through the water.
The first time Taro ran through a puddle, Kai laughed and then joyously joined in.
I normally scold Kai about going through a puddle when he could easily step around.
But I saw the joy in his face, and spotted an opportunity.
Rather than restraining Taro, I ran with him as he pulled me to the next puddle. Kai eagerly followed. And he was laughing the whole time.
And then it was on to the next puddle.
Running, splashing, laughing.
And when we got too far ahead, we waited for Mom and Haribo to catch up.
I got Kai to do the equivalent of wind sprints, but he didn’t mind at all. We probably ran further and faster than if we had just gone running as I had originally planned.
By the time we got home, both dog and boy were soaking wet from the legs down. But both were very happy.
Later, Kai figured out that he had done exercise.
“Dad, I ran a lot this morning.”
He wanted little Trashie toy that I would have given him had he gone running.
I told him that he doesn’t earn a reward for just having fun. He seemed okay with that.
After all, it was a lot of fun.
For me, too.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Ear Plugs
My son has a long history of sleep problems.
Back when I worked from home, I was usually the one who would get out of bed in the middle of the night when Kai knocked on our bedroom door because he couldn’t sleep. I’d take him back to his room and tucked him in, and many times I ended up sleeping in the extra bed in his bedroom rather than continuing to get up when he still couldn’t sleep.
When I started commuting to work downtown, my wife told Kai that he would have to stay in bed as Dad would be too tired to wake up every night, and that he is such a sound sleeper that she would not hear him.
That seemed to work for a little while, as Kai stopped knocking on our bedroom door for a period of time.
But the past few months, the problem has re-emerged, and it’s now as bad as before. And now it’s my wife who usually gets up for Kai.
We have not been successful at finding a way for Kai to sleep better, so we have tried giving him incentives to not disturb us when he awakens in the middle of the night. He can earn 200 points for our Point Store every time he goes through the night without knocking.
But sometimes even that is not enough.
Sometimes he wants comfort after having a bad dream.
Other times he gets anxious after hearing noises outside.
“I can’t sleep.”
Why not?
“Those noises bother me.”
What noises? I don’t hear any noises.
“THOSE NOISES!”
Kai’s hearing is a lot more sensitive than ours. He hears snow plows, the wind, trucks traveling down the road a block away, and many other things.
And the problem isn’t so much that he hears those noises, but he becomes anxious when he does.
Ideally, we want him to be less anxious. And we are working on that.
But in the meantime, his therapist at school recommended we try ear plugs.
Personally, I hate ear plugs. I find them uncomfortable. I don’t like the feeling of them in my ears.
But we were surprised when Kai agreed to try them.
And even more surprised when he didn’t hate them right away.
The first night, he actually slept through the night. I don’t know if the ear plugs had anything to do with it since they fell out overnight. But perhaps he was less anxious because he had them.
Alas, the next night he was back to waking us up.
His leg hurt, he said.
Sigh.
He frequently complains of various aches and pains. Sometimes it is hard to believe that they are real problems.
But that is a topic for another day.
Maybe I need to try the ear plugs to see if it blocks out the sound of Kai trying to wake us up at 2AM.
Back when I worked from home, I was usually the one who would get out of bed in the middle of the night when Kai knocked on our bedroom door because he couldn’t sleep. I’d take him back to his room and tucked him in, and many times I ended up sleeping in the extra bed in his bedroom rather than continuing to get up when he still couldn’t sleep.
When I started commuting to work downtown, my wife told Kai that he would have to stay in bed as Dad would be too tired to wake up every night, and that he is such a sound sleeper that she would not hear him.
That seemed to work for a little while, as Kai stopped knocking on our bedroom door for a period of time.
But the past few months, the problem has re-emerged, and it’s now as bad as before. And now it’s my wife who usually gets up for Kai.
We have not been successful at finding a way for Kai to sleep better, so we have tried giving him incentives to not disturb us when he awakens in the middle of the night. He can earn 200 points for our Point Store every time he goes through the night without knocking.
But sometimes even that is not enough.
Sometimes he wants comfort after having a bad dream.
Other times he gets anxious after hearing noises outside.
“I can’t sleep.”
Why not?
“Those noises bother me.”
What noises? I don’t hear any noises.
“THOSE NOISES!”
Kai’s hearing is a lot more sensitive than ours. He hears snow plows, the wind, trucks traveling down the road a block away, and many other things.
And the problem isn’t so much that he hears those noises, but he becomes anxious when he does.
Ideally, we want him to be less anxious. And we are working on that.
But in the meantime, his therapist at school recommended we try ear plugs.
Personally, I hate ear plugs. I find them uncomfortable. I don’t like the feeling of them in my ears.
But we were surprised when Kai agreed to try them.
And even more surprised when he didn’t hate them right away.
The first night, he actually slept through the night. I don’t know if the ear plugs had anything to do with it since they fell out overnight. But perhaps he was less anxious because he had them.
Alas, the next night he was back to waking us up.
His leg hurt, he said.
Sigh.
He frequently complains of various aches and pains. Sometimes it is hard to believe that they are real problems.
But that is a topic for another day.
Maybe I need to try the ear plugs to see if it blocks out the sound of Kai trying to wake us up at 2AM.
Labels:
sleeping disorder
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Letting You In On A Secret
When my son got home from school the other day, he said to my wife, “Mom, I have a secret.
“If I stay safe for 11 more days, I will make Level 4.”
Regular readers know that my son attends a public therapeutic school for kids with social and emotional challenges that result in behavior issues. The school employs a level system where students enter at Level 1, and progress by exhibiting good behavior. Attaining each subsequent level is harder than the previous one. When a student reaches Level 5, they may begin the process to transition back to their home school if their parents so choose.
After entering the school in the middle of his kindergarten year, it took Kai more than nine months to make it to Level 2, and then another 18 months to get to Level 3 where he is now. This past October, Kai was on the verge of reaching Level 4. But then he had a major incident, and then a few more. We haven’t given a level change too much thought since.
But Kai had a safe month in January, and did pretty well in February, too. So the news that he was getting close to this milestone was not a complete surprise.
When I got home from work that day, my wife asked Kai if he wanted to tell me his secret. I was very happy that he shared his news with me.
Two days later, he earned a 100% on his daily point sheet, indicating that not only did he stay safe, but also was respectful to the staff, which has been something he’s needed to work on. In addition, he earned a Student of the Week recognition for only the second time in the past six months.
So, we are happy that things are going well right now.
But we’ve been here before.
Let’s see if Kai can put together two more good weeks and then we’ll talk.
But, please, don’t tell anyone yet. It’s a secret.
“If I stay safe for 11 more days, I will make Level 4.”
Regular readers know that my son attends a public therapeutic school for kids with social and emotional challenges that result in behavior issues. The school employs a level system where students enter at Level 1, and progress by exhibiting good behavior. Attaining each subsequent level is harder than the previous one. When a student reaches Level 5, they may begin the process to transition back to their home school if their parents so choose.
After entering the school in the middle of his kindergarten year, it took Kai more than nine months to make it to Level 2, and then another 18 months to get to Level 3 where he is now. This past October, Kai was on the verge of reaching Level 4. But then he had a major incident, and then a few more. We haven’t given a level change too much thought since.
But Kai had a safe month in January, and did pretty well in February, too. So the news that he was getting close to this milestone was not a complete surprise.
When I got home from work that day, my wife asked Kai if he wanted to tell me his secret. I was very happy that he shared his news with me.
Two days later, he earned a 100% on his daily point sheet, indicating that not only did he stay safe, but also was respectful to the staff, which has been something he’s needed to work on. In addition, he earned a Student of the Week recognition for only the second time in the past six months.
So, we are happy that things are going well right now.
But we’ve been here before.
Let’s see if Kai can put together two more good weeks and then we’ll talk.
But, please, don’t tell anyone yet. It’s a secret.
Labels:
school
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)