Scorn for Dad, and Mom, Too

When my son gets mad, he says some mean things. But sometimes, if you can maintain your sense of humor, what he says is funny.

Over the summer, we are having Kai get some extra math work in by doing an online math program called Thinkwell. I was tipped off to this excellent resource by my blog friend, Shiroi Tora, who writes about his experiences raising his 2E son.

Kai generally enjoys doing the Thinkwell program, but occasionally he doesn’t know how to solve one of the problems. In those situations, I ask him questions that make him think about the problem differently. The idea is to help him to figure it out without my giving him the answer.

But once Kai starts to get frustrated, he doesn’t listen, starts to whine and complain, and wants to give up. And that frustrates me.

If I lose patience, I will raise my voice. Of course, that never seems to get him to pay attention any better. It just leads to increased frustration on both sides.

Yesterday we had one of those situations. As often happens when he is angry with me, Kai started yelling that he did not want to be my dad anymore. (Ha, I really need to teach him that he should say that he doesn’t want to be my son anymore).

But then he recalled that he wanted to play water balloons later. As Mom had already told him that she did not want to get wet on this day, he knew that I was his only option. So, in the midst of his rage, he started saying, “Well, you can still play water balloons with me.”

I told him that I might not want to play water balloons with him since he did not want me to be his dad anymore.

He then started to cry a bit and apologized for saying that. He said that I could be his dad.

He went on to say that when he was really mad he loved me only 50% but now he loved me 60% so I had attained the next level, and that meant that it was okay for him to play water balloons with me.

That brought a smile to my face. He noticed, and asked me why I was smiling.

I told him that I loved him 100%, even when I am angry with him. Then I said that I would be happy to play water balloons with him.

And we did play. And had great fun.





And after that, we further cooled off on this hot afternoon with some sorbet. His anger was long forgotten.



But, after we got home from our trip to get sorbet, it was time for our weekly Skype call with my wife’s parents in Japan.

On this occasion, as we were running late for dinner, I went outside to grill chicken while my wife initiated the Skype session. Kai had gone downstairs to go on the computer.

Usually, it is a challenge to get Kai to say much to his grandparents and he rarely sits through an entire Skype call. If he is busy doing something, it is often hard to pull him away to talk to them. So, on this occasion, my wife decided to start talking to them alone.

When I came inside with the chicken, my wife was done with the call. She said that she had taken the laptop downstairs toward the end of the call but Kai did not say anything to his grandparents.

I went downstairs to tell him that dinner was ready. He was furious.

He said that he was mad at his grandparents, but that did not make sense. After asking him more questions, I found out that he was mad at Mom because she had Skyped without him.

When I told my wife what was going on, she was surprised. Who wouldn’t be? Kai never seemed to care about the Skype calls that much before.

He then came upstairs and said that he was not going to eat dinner. He told my wife that he did not want to be her Mom anymore. Ha, now it was her turn to be the object of his scorn.

He angrily said that he wanted to Skype his grandparents. We tried to tell him that the call was over and they were offline. But, we realized that it would be easier just to get them back online than to get Kai to calm down.

So my wife called them up on the landline and asked them to come back online.

And we connected with them via Skype again.

So, after all that, did Kai have a lot to tell them? Umm, not so much.

But he did say a few things. And he was happy to see his grandparents.

And then he calmed down. And he did end up eating dinner.

And by the end of the evening, his love for us was back up to… well, I’m not sure. But I think it was more than 60%.

Swimmingly Good, and Some Adversity, Too

After two days of summer school, my son is off to good start adjusting to being in a new classroom and having a new teacher. He has been safe both days, and his teacher reported that he has been happy and doing a nice job. It probably helped that she let the students pick something out of her prize box on the first day and Kai found a couple of Pokémon cards.

Of course, life with Kai usually means that even when things are going well in one area, there are often complications in other areas.

Yesterday, Kai came home from school in a good mood. After greeting him, I went back to my home office feeling happy that he had had another good day.

But about a half hour later, when it was time for him to leave for his swim lesson, I heard some yelling. I came out to see what was going on.

My wife explained that Kai said he wanted a Nintendo DS. (Quick aside: I don’t know where this desire for a DS came from. I am pretty sure he has seen them before and he never was interested at all. Perhaps he is becoming more in tune with his surroundings and taking more of an interest in things that other children have.)

Anyway, my wife said she told him that perhaps he could get it for Hanukkah or Christmas. When he said he did not want to wait that long, she mentioned that he might be able to earn it if he achieved Level 4 at school.

He was not happy with that idea. When Kai wants something, he wants it RIGHT NOW. He does not like waiting even a week for something. To wait until the end of the year probably seemed like an eternity.

But one of my goals has been to try to teach him to be able to wait for things, and to work a longer period of time before getting rewarded. I believe that it is a crucial skill he needs to learn. But it is not easy to teach.

In this case, he whined and moaned and yelled that he can’t wait that long and that he wanted it now. He said that he would not go to his swim lesson.

As it was already late, I felt an urgency to get him going. We could have waited him out, tried to calm him down, and reason with him.

I used a different approach.

I put my arms around him, carried him to the garage, and put him into the car. He was screaming the whole time, saying that he didn’t want to be my dad anymore (meaning he did not want me to be his dad).

My wife said that she would not be able to get him into the gym so I got in the car with them, sitting in the back seat next to Kai. During the ride, he kept expressing mean thoughts. But his anger gradually subsided.

At the gym, I thought there was a chance that he might walk in on his own.

Alas, when he refused, I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into the building. He has grown a lot so he is no longer a small child. If he really resisted, it would have been nearly impossible to get him inside. But he only put up mild resistance and I was able to get him over to his trainer James.

While I was getting Kai into the building, my wife had called James and explained the situation. When he saw us, he started to talk to Kai and gave me the signal to leave. James told me later that Kai calmed down a while after I left.

I went back toward the end of his lesson and saw that Kai is swimming better than ever.

I praised him for recovering and doing a great job with swimming. But I also told him that he had acted poorly and would not be able to play with his Pokémon cards for the rest of the day. He accepted his punishment calmly, as he realized that his actions were not appropriate.

We went on to enjoy the evening, playing yet another game of Monopoly after dinner.

And so it was a day filled with good and bad, adversity and recovery.

I don’t know what will happen the next time the topic of the Nintendo DS comes up, but that is for another time.

Instead, I will leave you with a video of Kai swimming yesterday. His form is not perfect, but he has come a long way.

End of Break, First Day of Summer School

It is the first day of summer school today. And, in some respects, it is Kai’s first day in third grade (though summer school is not the same academically).

Kai had the same teacher for both first and second grade. But today he transitions into his third grade classroom with a new teacher.

All changes are potentially difficult for my son. Moving from a classroom where he had grown very comfortable to a new class will likely bring some difficult moments.

In the past few weeks, Kai has shown a few signs of anxiety about the upcoming change. Although many of his classmates from second grade will be with him in his new class, his best friend, and perhaps only friend, will not. And that may be tougher on him than getting used to a new teacher.

We wondered whether his anxiety played any part in him having a somewhat rough last few weeks at the end of his second grade school year. Since making Level 3, he hasn’t come close to maintaining his good behavior, as he had several incidents in each of his last few weeks of school.

Still, this morning, after he woke up, when I asked him how he felt about going back to school, he said he was happy. And he did not seem anxious at all. So hopefully he will adjust and get off to a good start.

But one thing already happened that illustrated that it won’t be easy.

As frequently happens at the beginning of the term, the taxi company switched drivers. The new driver came to pick Kai up about 15 minutes earlier than the time the previous driver came. We did not have Kai ready to go. He still needed to take his medicines.

When I spotted the cab turning into our driveway, I let Kai know it was here and that he needed to hurry up. Most kids would speed up and try to get ready faster. Kai, however, got upset at the early arrival and refused to take his medicines.

The more I tried to get him to speed up, the more he refused to do anything. My wife finally got him to calm down and he eventually did take the medicine while the cab driver patiently waited for him.

So now he is off to school. But who knows what kind of day he is having.

* * * * *
We enjoyed the rest of his one-week break from school. After the busy first few days, we took it a bit easier the last few days, though still filled with much activity.

We had a nice Father’s Day yesterday. We started out with a Mexican breakfast.



Then we played several games of Monopoly on the Wii. The Wii version has a number of different boards, and Kai wanted to unlock and play all of them. He doesn’t really have the patience to sustain throughout a full game of Monopoly, but we tried to speed things up and go bankrupt rather than playing things out to the bitter end.

For dinner, Kai helped by shucking the corn on the cob. (We brushed olive oil on the corn, seasoned them with salt and garlic, wrapped each cob in foil, and put them on the grill over medium heat for 30 minutes.)



My wife made one of my favorites, fried chicken. She baked the chicken after the initial frying, which made it less greasy, healthier, very moist, and very tasty.



After dinner, Kai wanted to make cucumber-mint water from a recipe he found in a magazine for kids. It was a refreshing, healthy drink for a warm summer evening.



It was certainly a nice Father’s Day. But I like to think that getting to spend time with your family makes every day father’s day. And you can’t beat that.

Helping Mom Make Strawberry Rhubarb Upside Down Cake

Over the weekend, when we were at the farm where we picked our own strawberries, Kai spotted rhubarbs for sale. He had never seen them before and was curious. He asked what they were and how they tasted. We explained that they are frequently used in pies.

Kai wanted us to make a rhubarb pie, so we got some and my wife looked up recipes

She found a recipe for Strawberry Rhubarb Upside Down Cake, and Kai was excited to help make it yesterday.

He helped chop the rhubarb under the nervous supervision of Mom.



He added the rhubarb and some of the strawberries we had picked to the cake tin.



He helped crack the eggs and add in water.



He assisted Mom with the mixer.



And poured the cake batter.



He was very happy when the cake was baked and Mom flipped it upside down.



It tasted yummy!



I don’t know how long it will last, but right now Kai really enjoys helping Mom in the kitchen. It made for a nice Mom-and-son activity.

Weekend: Exhausting, Fun, Exhausting

Exhausted.

That is how I feel after the first three days of Kai’s summer break.

We took advantage of his free time to travel to Michigan to visit his grandparents.

Along the way, we stopped in St. Joseph, Michigan and enjoyed a picnic lunch along the bluff that overlooks Lake Michigan. Well, ‘enjoyed’ is perhaps not the best word. The view was nice but things grew tense when we had to battle Kai to get him to eat his tuna sandwich. He finally ended up eating it, but the relaxed mood was long shattered.

After lunch, we took a short walk to investigate some nearby sites.

We found one place that had old funhouse mirrors that Kai enjoyed.



But it was when we got to the interactive water fountains that everyone’s spirit finally lightened. Kai loved splashing through all the different water jets, and we enjoyed watching him have so much fun.



When we got to his grandparents’ house, Kai quickly engaged in a discussion of Pokémon with Papa. After many peaceful months with no talk of Pokémon, Kai’s obsession was rekindled when my wife gave him some Pokémon games she found at a garage sale. Kai’s grandfather seemed to enjoy the interaction with his grandson, not having tired of the Pokémon talk like we had.



Later in the afternoon, we hit the beautiful beach with Bubbe.



Going to the beach remains one of Kai’s favorite activities, and a visit to the beach would not be complete for him without a good roll in the sand.



That night, we had a family game night. One of our games was Qwirkle, which requires matching tiles with different shapes and colors. Kai distracted me to no end by goofing around and not seeming to pay attention. But whenever his turn came up, he seemed to find a good move to make and he ended up winning the game.



The next day brought a trip to a waterpark. After our recent visit to the waterpark near our home, Kai really wanted to go to the one in Michigan. We thought he would love the slides.



But, as is seemingly always the case with Kai, we had to take two steps back before taking three steps forward.

He wanted to start on the lazy river. He again was scared of the fountains of water despite having just run through fountains the day before.

When we went to try our first slide, our troubles really started. We decided to try one where the three of us would ride a round raft down a long slide. Everyone has to carry a raft up to the top themselves, and we found out they are not light. When we were halfway up, Kai said he was scared and refused to go up any further.

I stayed to watch the raft while my wife tried to change his mind as Kai ran back down the path. After several minutes, I realized they were not coming back and abandoned the raft.

I found the two of them in a mutual state of anger. My wife wanted to leave and told Kai we would never go to a waterpark again. Kai wanted to go home as well. Although it is often my wife’s job to be the calm one, this time it was my turn.

I sent my wife off to get food while I took Kai to a pool portion of the park. He started to calm down. Then we went on the lazy river, where he calmed more.

Finally, I told him matter of factly that we were going to go down a (different) slide. He was scared, and at first refused. But I persisted and reassured him that he would be safe. I told him that Mom would be happy again if he went down the slide.

And so we went.

And he loved it.

He could not wait to go find Mom to tell her that he had gone down a slide. She took awhile to warm up to him, but after we all had lunch, we were all in good spirits again. We all went down the slide several times.

Late in the afternoon, Kai said that he wanted to try the raft slide that he had backed out of earlier. My wife and I lugged the heavy raft up the hill. We waited in line. I was wondering if Kai would change his mind.

But he did not.

And when we started going down the slide, he joyously yelled that this was the best slide of all.

* * * * *

The next morning we went to a pick-your-own strawberry farm. The following picture shows Kai doing some actual picking. Usually he just wants to eat, but this time he collected some in his container.

What the picture does not show, however, is the battle that ensued prior to our going. Kai had wanted pancakes for breakfast, but then ate very little of it. I was determined that he eat at least half of one pancake, and told him that we would not going strawberry picking until he did.

My patience wore thin as the temperature outside kept rising while we battled it out. No one wanted to pick strawberries once the day got too hot.

Finally, Kai ate his breakfast, and we did have a nice time picking berries.



On our way home from Bubbe and Papa’s house, we went to a rather unique place where volunteers run old steam engine trains for visitors to ride on. The trains are of three sizes, with the biggest being a full-size steam engine. But our favorite was this small train that took us on a nice ride through the woods.



Even this occasion was not without its stress. It was a very hot day, and my wife and I wanted to take a very short break to get a cold drink. Kai quickly angered and said very mean words because he wanted to keep riding trains without a break. The quickness to anger is something we are still dealing with, and it can be challenging as to how to handle it.

I wanted to teach him that his words and actions were inappropriate, but did not want to leave without finishing riding all the trains. In the end, I decided that Kai would not be allowed to watch videos in the car on the way home for a period of time. I’m not sure it was severe enough of a consequence, and it is something I continue to ponder.

On the way home, we got stuck in really bad traffic as we neared downtown Chicago. Our GPS suggested an alternate route that took us into Chinatown. When Kai saw the signs, he said he wanted to eat in a Chinese restaurant. My wife did not want to cook dinner once we got home, and I felt like taking a break from the horrible traffic, so we decided to make our first visit to Chinatown with Kai.

There are many choices of places to eat, but we picked a spot we had heard of. Kai ate a seafood dish with rice noodles while my wife and I shared Mongolian beef, barbecue pork, and sweet and sour chicken.

Kai wasn’t perfectly behaved, as he danced around a bit and hit his chopsticks together, But the restaurant was not crowded and he did fairly well otherwise.



So now we are home.

Last night, as he did the first night at his grandparents’ house, he awoke at 3AM and complained that his back was itchy. Although his skin is not red, it may have gotten a bit sunburned.

Between the interrupted sleep, all of the battles, and the many activities, I am exhausted.

And it is only three days into summer break.

Thank goodness summer school starts in one week.

Family Bike Ride

After our son’s recognition ceremony the other day, we celebrated by going for a family bike ride.

Last fall, after Kai finally learned to ride a bike, we rode together several times. But once we stopped over the winter, biking slipped our mind and we did not get back to it until Wednesday.

This time, we decided to try a new trail, along a forest preserve not too far from our house.

I took the lead, while Kai was supposed to ride behind me, with my wife in back of him. But Kai was tentative, as his anxiety about riding had returned. He still remembered how to ride, but he pedaled about as slowly as you can while still moving.

I hardly pedaled at all except for places when we went uphill. Still, Kai trailed far behind me.

When I stopped to wait, he yelled at me to keep pedaling. And if I kept waiting, his yells would reach a panic pitch, as if he were afraid he was going to crash into me despite the fact that I always seemed to be about 30 yards ahead of him.

Still, I was pleased that he didn’t ask to turn back or go home. All too often, our attempts at activities like this end early with Kai quitting, me getting frustrated, and all having a bad time.

On this occasion, the weather was perfect for biking, and as we biked along we enjoyed the scenic path.

The path had mile markers along the way, and perhaps that helped motivate him to keep going.

The loop we made was 4.4 miles. That is not far, but it was the farthest and longest we had biked together.

And when we finished, we celebrated with ice cream and a popsicle.



It could not have been a nicer day all around.

School Recognition Ceremony

Yesterday was the annual recognition ceremony at our son’s school. We look forward to it, as the school does a great job of celebrating the achievements of all the students.

My wife and I arrived early to attend the silent auction fundraiser. While we were browsing the items up for auction, a student approached me.

“Are you Kai’s father?”

I told him that I was.

“I thought so. You look smart just like him.”

Ha! How funny that I can bask in the reflection of my son’s intelligence.

I asked the boy if he was in Kai’s math class, and he said that he was. He went on to tell me in more detail about how well Kai does in his class, and that perhaps he will become a math professor one day. This is now the second boy in Kai’s math class who approached us to tell us how smart they thought Kai is.

During the ceremony, we saw the boy who previously spoke to my wife about Kai. I was very happy when Anthony received recognition from his teacher for being supportive of Kai. I saw Anthony afterward, and thanked him for being such a wonderful big brother to Kai at school.

The ceremony kicked off with the students performing True Colors, the old Cyndi Lauper song. They performed it in sign language as well as singing it.

Kai’s class was the first to be honored. Kai happily bounded up to the front when his teacher called his name.

He received many awards, perhaps more than most other students. Afterwards, other parents commented to us on how many things Kai was recognized for. We had to explain that he was so honored because he has many areas of deficiencies to work on.

He was recognized for working at the school’s Snack Shop, which the school’s speech therapist created so kids with social and language difficulties can get real-life practice speaking with others.

He also received an award for helping to set up the school’s computer lab each morning. That job came about when the staff brainstormed ways to help Kai get off to a better start each morning. They figured that taking boxes of paper to the lab would settle his sensory needs before he had to sit still in the classroom.

But the recognition I was most pleased with is the Superflex award. Kai has long struggled with being flexible and accepting changes. He is making some progress in this most challenging area, and this award is an indication of that.



I was also happy that Kai sat nicely throughout the entire event. There were a lot of awards handed out, and he appeared to handle the waiting well.

It is hard to believe that another school year has come to an end. I’m sure all parents feel this way, but it seems like the school year goes by faster every year.

When we saw the fifth graders who will be moving on to middle school, they definitely looked more mature. It is kind of hard to believe that Kai is now about halfway through elementary school and it will be only three more years before he is one of the older kids who will be moving on.

Though he does look somewhat mature in his tie, don’t you think?



Congratulations, Kai! You are growing up fast.

Frequent Urination: Another Opinion

Our son has needed to urinate extraordinarily frequently lately. Our pediatrician turned up nothing on a urine culture, and suggested that the problem was all in our son’s head.

When the problem persisted, we decided to get a second opinion. We made an appointment to see a urologist.

We had our first visit a couple of weeks ago. I was happy when the doctor did not immediately dismiss this as a psychological problem.

Instead, she told us of several possible causes for frequent urination including diet (especially if a person is eating a lot of packaged foods that are high in sodium), medication (which may cause frequent urination as a side effect), and constipation (even minor constipation may cause pressure against the bladder which leads to discomfort and feeling the need to pee).

Of these possible alternatives, none really closely matched Kai’s case. Unlike many families, we do not eat much packaged foods. My wife prepares many meals from scratch, even making homemade vegetable juice rather than getting it store bought. And while Kai may have potato chips on occasion, it is not something he consumes on a frequent basis. So, it is unlikely that a high sodium diet is the cause of this.

Medication is a possibility. We have Kai on a number of medicines and supplements. He is currently on a small dose of risperidone, and its side effects could lead to this problem. But his latest blood test indicates that his glucose level is fine, indicating that it is not the cause. And since the problem started, we experimented with temporarily eliminating the newest drugs that Kai had been on to see if it made a difference with his urination. It did not, which suggests that these medications are the issue either.

Constipation also seemed unlikely, as Kai has a bowel movement every day. But the doctor said that a person could have minor constipation even if he or she has a bowel movement every day. It may be that it is just more difficult to go, rather than not going at all. Still, even with this relaxed standard, it seemed unlikely that Kai was suffering from constipation.

Despite this, the doctor did not make the conclusion that the problem was purely psychological. She directed us to keep a diary of Kai’s urination schedule for two days. We would record the time and amount he peed every time he went.

Also, on our return visit, she wanted him to come with a full bladder, and they would measure the amount of urine still in his bladder after he peed.

Yesterday was our return visit.

He peed after we arrived at the office – about 300 cc. Then they did an ultrasound on his bladder and was able to see that he still had quite a bit of urine left in there. They estimated that about a third of his urine did not get discharged when he peed.

The doctor reviewed the diary. She saw that he sometimes peed quite a bit soon after he had peed, and concluded he wasn’t releasing all of the urine from his bladder at home either.

She explained that sometimes people put pressure on the bladder, closing it instead of keeping it open. In those cases, she said that it can be taught to relax the muscles to keep the area open and allow the free flow of urine out of the bladder.

While there are drugs that can treat this as well, she recommended that we first try a special type of training that they offer in the office. For this training, several probes are connected to the patient’s bottom area, with the other end connected to a computer. The patient watches the monitor, and is taught the right way to flex and relax the appropriate muscles.

We have scheduled our first training session for Kai next week.

I am not sure that this will completely resolve the issue. But it seems to make intuitive sense that he would have anxiety about going if his bladder is not emptied out.

And so, it is good to have found a possible answer to this mystery. And I am especially pleased to have found a knowledgeable doctor who did not jump to a conclusion just because my son has autism.

Weekend: Quizzes and New Foods

We spent a relatively quiet time at home this weekend. No waterparks or other special events.

So, we found other ways to have fun.

We took out an academic quiz game that Kai’s grandmother had given him for his birthday. I played the Alex Trebek role while my wife and Kai took turns answering the questions. As my wife was not educated in this country, her knowledge of grammar, vocabulary, and U.S. geography is at about the same level as Kai’s. Oftentimes, she learns from looking over his schoolwork. And on this quiz, Kai scored better than she did, so I think she has to do more homework. ☺



After that, when we went to the library, Kai wanted to get the Jeopardy game for the Wii. Most of those questions were far too advanced for him, but he did get a few correct.

We also had some fun moments in the kitchen.

Kai enjoys helping out with meal preparations at times. On Saturday morning, he helped make the blueberry pancakes we had for breakfast.



On Sunday, my wife made a Japanese meal for dinner. Other than rice, which is a staple with most dinners, we don’t have Japanese food all that often. In the past, Kai did not want to try different foods, so whenever we did have Japanese foods, my wife often made a separate dish for him.

Lately, however, Kai has grown more interested in trying all kinds of different foods.

On this evening, my wife prepared a fish she got from the local market that specializes in Japanese groceries.

This fish, called Shishamo (smelt), is a Japanese delicacy and is prepared whole on a grill. It is consumed from head to tail. Nothing is uneaten.

I don’t recall eating this fish as an adult. And I wasn’t sure I wanted to eat the head.

I was surprised when Kai said that he wanted to try it. He eagerly bit off the head.



And then he proceeded to eat the rest of the fish.

Well, after that, I knew that I had to try it, too.

I did. And it was delicious.

Usually, I am the one trying to get Kai to try something new. This time his fearlessness gave me strength me to try a new dish.

Hah, I like the role reversal.

Dad’s Birthday

My son loves birthdays. His own, of course, but others’ too.

For the past few days, he had been very excited about my upcoming birthday. I think the thought of having birthday cake provided the most anticipation.

Yesterday, my wife and I had a meeting at his school. Every staff member who saw us in the hallway wished me a happy birthday. Kai had apparently told all that it was my birthday.

After school, he came home and wanted to get right to decorating my birthday cake.

And that night, we had my birthday celebration. He gave me a sweatshirt on which he had drawn some of the Scrambled States of America wishing me a happy birthday.

My wife made us a great dinner.

And then Kai helped me blow out the candles on the cake.

Finally it was time to eat the cake, and that was the highlight of Kai’s day.

It was yummy cake for sure.

But the highlight of my day was feeling the love from my family. It was a happy birthday indeed.

A Long Day at the Waterpark – In a Good Way!

Three summers ago, we got season passes to the Six Flags amusement park that is not far from our home. Kai was five years old at the time, and we went quite often that summer. We hung out mostly in the section for very young kids, both in the amusement park and the waterpark section.

In the subsequent two summers, we did not go one time. Kai had outgrown the little kid rides, and was too small and/or too scared of the full-size roller coasters and water slides.

But after our fun weekend at the indoor waterpark a couple of weeks ago when we celebrated Kai achieving Level 3 at school, Kai indicated that he wanted to go back to the waterpark at Six Flags.

With temperatures hitting the mid 90s on this holiday weekend, yesterday provided a good opportunity to make our return.

We got there early to minimize the wait time in what we expected would be an extremely crowded park. With Kai having to pee up to several times an hour lately, we were nervous about possibly being stuck in the car for a couple hours.

Fortunately, though, the line to get in was much shorter than expected.

We got to the main entrance and had our picture IDs made for our season pass, and then made our way over to the waterpark. It opens later than the rest of the park, and we would have to wait about 20 minutes for it to open.

Kai was restless waiting. It was a challenge to keep him calm. Was it going to be like this all day waiting in long lines for every water slide?

But when the gates opened, he was content.

We started out on the lazy river. It is supposed to be relaxing, as you float on tubes down the slow moving waterway. But my son was the only kid who thought of it as a thrill ride.

Even though Kai can swim, and enjoys diving underwater for rocks and shells, he hates being splashed in the face with spraying water. On the lazy river, there are several spots with fountains of water spraying the riders. Kai was terrified each time we approached those areas, urgently telling us to move in the direction away from the water, and approaching a state of panic if we didn’t move away fast enough.

After one loop, we decided to try something less scary – a six-story tall waterslide.

Kai was a bit nervous as we waited in line. But he did not approach the panic he had on the lazy river. And when the three of us got in the big round tube and started down, he was thrilled – in a good way. He loved the ride and wanted to do it again.

Later, we tried other slides, and he enjoyed them just as much and he wanted to go again, over and over… well, in between going to the bathroom anyway.

It was hot. And as the day went on, I got very sunburned. (My wife had made sure Kai had sunscreen, but I was frying). I was constantly thirsty (though I made sure Kai stayed hydrated). I was getting tired. But I wasn’t about to stop or suggest going home as long as Kai was having fun.

A few times, the wait in the lines got a little too long for Kai and he got angry. But then the line started moving and we avoided having to leave. And each run down the slide made him forget his anger and he wanted to go back in line to do it all over again.

When we finally made our last run, we were surprised that the workers were shutting down the waterpark. It was closing time.

We had been there eight hours.

When we got home and I was grilling up a late dinner, Kai looked at the map of the park as he reminisced about the day. He told my wife, “I love Six Flags.”

My wife and I were surprised at how well he had handled the conditions. Kai had tolerated the heat and the lines and had a lot of fun. It was not something that he would have been able to do before.

And so, for us, it wasn’t just a fun day at the waterpark. It was another little milestone achieved.

Medical Problem or All in His Mind?

My son has been asking to use the bathroom to pee quite frequently lately. Sometimes he will pee four times in a less than an hour. A couple weeks ago, we had him checked out by his pediatrician.

The doctor took a urine culture and examined him. He said that there was no physical problem with Kai. In his opinion, this is a behavior issue.

I wondered if he would have come to the same conclusion if he had not known that Kai has autism.

Not that I necessarily disagree.

One of the challenges of having a child with autism is deciphering symptoms and trying to figure out if there is a medical problem.

For instance, Kai will frequently say that his stomach hurts, but often we will think that it is his way of trying to get out of an activity he does not want to do, or to keep from eating something he doesn’t want to eat.

In similar ways, he will complain that his leg hurts or his back hurts or something similar. How are we to know for sure whether or not he is really feeling any pain?

With this latest issue with the frequent bathroom visits, we do not see a pattern of him trying to avoid activities. He just seems to really have to go. Sometimes, he will go to pee only a few minutes after he just did. But his need to urinate does not seem to be only in his mind; even when he goes again so soon, he does pee a fair amount most of the time.

We discussed our latest quandary about the frequent bathroom visits with his therapist at school. Kai had been asking to use the bathroom quite frequently there as well.

Since the doctor ruled out a medical problem, the therapist and staff at school decided to treat this as a behavioral issue. They said that this behavior is not uncommon, particularly with boys.

They told Kai that he would be allowed to use the bathroom once every other period. They set up a visual schedule for him, but he became very anxious about having to hold it for so long. After a day or two, the school eased the schedule to permit one visit every period.

Earlier this week, Kai went to the bathroom four times during a 45-minute session with his speech therapist. At one point, he looked extremely uncomfortable and said that he was in pain. And then, even though he used the bathroom right before leaving, he could not hold it and wet his pants in the car on the drive home.

So now we have made an appointment with a specialist.

There is a part of us that hopes the doctor finds a medical problem. That way we would know what is going on and, hopefully, be able to treat it.

If this doctor finds that nothing is physically wrong with Kai, we will have to find ways to change his bathroom habits. And that will not be easy.

Field Trip: Learning to Fly, Without Crash Landing

My son’s school has taken him to some interesting places on field trips. The latest, yesterday, was to a place I never knew existed until we heard about the excursion.

The students went to The Actor’s Gymnasium, a school for circus and performing arts. Their tagline is “learn to fly – physically, emotionally, intellectually, and creatively.”

In addition to teaching people the skills to become physical theater artists, they also occasionally put on performances that showcase their work. When I was a kid, we never went to such fascinating places.

Field trips are always dicey with Kai. He always looks forward to them, usually enjoys them immensely, but often has trouble with his behavior, as the trips are a departure from the usual routine.

When Kai came home from school yesterday, I eagerly greeted him and could not wait to hear about his day. But before he could say anything, my wife broke the news to me – Kai had had a bad day.

He walked in the door and threw his hat down. Something had happened on the field trip and he was still angry.

We opened his backpack and found a note from his teacher. She explained that Kai did a wonderful job during most of the trip. He was very patient on the bus going down there, and was very engaged and entertained during the 30-minute performance.

After the performance, the kids participated in group and partner activities. Kai was enthusiastic and patient for the first two stations (juggling and silks), but then became very upset when he was not called first at the third station (tumbling). After that, his behavior deteriorated as he became verbally abusive throughout the remainder of the time.

It is still sometimes hard for me to believe how he can go from being engaged and patient to angry and abusive in a moment’s time. What happened in his mind to change him from being happy to mad so suddenly?

I guess Kai is still very early in the process of learning to fly emotionally. We have a lot of work to do yet to cut down on all the crash landings.

Completing Another Incentive

When Kai was motivated last month to earn The Scrambled States of America Talent Show book, we knew that we had to set up another incentive program for him using the dvd of the book as the prize.

Similar to the last program, he could earn one state each day he was safe at school, or for doing certain non-preferred activities. Each time he earned a state, he could color it in on his map. And, when he had all 50 states colored in, he would receive the dvd.

This time, we gave him an additional way to earn a state – for not knocking on our bedroom door in the middle of the night. I thought it was about time for us to try to break him of that habit.

Alas, the incentive of coloring in an additional state was not enough. Night after night, I heard the knock, knock at our door, and I continued to tuck him back in bed, and then slept in the extra bed in his room.

Until this weekend.

On Friday night at bedtime, with only a few states left before he could finally get his new dvd, he decided that he would not wake me up for the next two nights so that he could watch the dvd over the weekend.

He followed through on his intentions and I got two nights of uninterrupted sleep.

When we woke up on Sunday morning, Kai was able to color in the last state on the map.

He was really excited to watch the dvd. We had a special breakfast edition of our traditional Video Nights, as we had donuts, fruits, and green smoothies while watching the video.

For fans of the book, you will be happy to know that the video does a great job of bringing all of the fun little aspects of the book to life. We all enjoyed it, and Kai wanted to watch it over and over again.

Now that we had a little success with him not waking me up in the middle of the night, we are looking to continue to motivate him in the hopes of breaking that habit once and for all.

Hopefully I will be well rested and have good news to report in another week and a half.

A Big Brother at School

When we were at our son’s school last week, another student came up to my wife while she was with Kai and told her, “This guy is a genius!” He was effusive in his praise of Kai, and seemed genuinely happy for Kai that he had made Level 3.

We later found out that the boy is a fifth grader. As Kai is accelerated in math by three years, they are together during math class. A staff member at the school told us that Anthony is like a big brother to Kai, always encouraging him and complimenting him for being so smart. They also said that Anthony enjoys playing with Kai during the after-school program.

We hear so much these days about bullying, and with a child with special needs, it is especially a concern.

So, it is great to know there are kids like this who look after their younger peers. How many kids would even speak with a far younger student, let alone take them under their wings?

So, big thanks to Anthony! We appreciate it!

Celebration Weekend

We often use positive reinforcement to encourage Kai to continue to perform well in areas that are a challenge for him. So, of course, we wanted to give him a big reward for achieving Level 3 at school last week.

This weekend, we traveled to Wisconsin for an overnight visit to a waterpark.

Kai loved the idea of staying at a motel, but I don’t think he was particularly excited about going to the waterpark itself.

Before we went to the waterpark, we took a quick look around the town of Lake Geneva. Kai especially enjoyed the blue sorbet. Here he is showing how his tongue matches his hat and jacket.

Then, we went to the waterpark. We were deflated when Kai was too scared to go on any slides. He has become a pretty good swimmer and does well in the pool when he is under the supervision of his swim instructor. But he seems to lose all of his confidence, and abilities, when he is in the water with us.

I finally coaxed him to go down a very small slide, one for much younger kids. And even on that one, he kept grabbing the sides to keep from going fast, or, at least as fast as you can go on a baby slide.

He then asked for a life jacket. At first, I refused, as he certainly knows how to swim well enough that he shouldn’t need one in such shallow water where he can touch the bottom of the pool.

But I finally relented when I decided that I’d rather he wore it and had fun than be anxious the whole time.

And after that, he seemed more comfortable on the baby slide.

At this waterpark, the next slide up from the baby slide is a very high, long, winding slide that you ride down while sitting in an inner tube. I first figured that there was no way we were going to get Kai to try that.

But my wife and I wanted to try it so we rode down together while Kai watched. It was really fun, and I thought that Kai might actually like it if we could only get him to try it.

And so, I decided to try to coax him to go down one time.

I conferred with my wife, and then we made an offer. Kai would get one of his beloved Icky Stikeez if he went down the big long slide just once.

He was scared. But he wanted the prize. And when we reassured him that he would be safe, he finally agreed to try.

It was a long walk up to the top of the slide.

When we reached the starting point, Kai slowly sat in front of the two-person inner tube. He was apprehensive. He clutched the handles. And then we were off.

He screamed, but it sounded like it was as much because of joy than of fright.

And when we got to the bottom, he was laughing, and gleefully said that he wanted to do it again.

And we climbed back up to the top and did it again. And then he wanted to ride again, and again, and again, each time alternating between riding with me and riding with Mom.

At some point, he took off his life jacket, saying that he did not need it anymore.

My wife and I were exhausted from climbing the stairs over and over. But it was a good kind of exhaustion. Too often we are exhausted from trying to get Kai to do something with us on a vacation. This time, we were exhausted because he was doing it, and having such fun.

That night, we had dinner in our room while watching a dvd. It was a great time.

And then, the next morning, we went back to the waterpark again. And had just as much fun.

On our last run before we had to leave, Kai asked if he could go down in a tube by himself. We said sure, as we smiled at how his attitude toward waterslides had shifted from when we first got there the day before.

We were on this mini vacation because Kai had overcome some major hurdles at school. Now, on this trip, he overcame his fear and had a great time.

His accomplishment at school, followed up by the great time we had on this trip, was the best Mother’s Day present of all.

After his last run down the slide, Kai talked about how he wanted to come here again. He asked if we could come back when he made Level 4 at school. Of course, we said yes.

Level 4 will be another big challenge for him. But he is motivated. Let’s see what he can accomplish.

Kai’s Mother’s Day Thoughts

On this Mother’s Day, here are 13 things about Mom, from Kai. Gotta say that he is right on target with all of it.

Happy Mother’s Day to my wife, and to all of the moms out there!

A Huge Milestone

My son’s therapeutic school uses a level system to measure students’ progress. When children first enter the school, they are classified as Level 1. When they reach Level 5, they are deemed ready to begin transitioning back to their home school.

Progression from level to level is determined mostly by quantitative measures of behavioral performance. To attain the next level, students must achieve a specified average on their daily point sheet that measures things like following directions, staying on task, and having respect for staff, peers, and property.

Students also must not have more than a specified number of major incidents for a set period of time that increases with each level.

Kai achieved Level 2 way back in November of 2010, about ten months after he started attending the school. It was a major milestone, and we were hopeful that it was a sign of progress.

But for most of the year and a half since then, he has not come close to attaining Level 3.

Kai’s behavior at school had deteriorated. For many months, he had a major incident nearly every day. The staff at school tried to find ways to get his behavior back on track, while we at home sought help through medication, among other things.

For the longest time, it did not look like progress was being made.

But, a couple of months ago, things started to improve dramatically.

Kai started doing much better at school. His major incidents became rare, instead of routine.

And though we knew that he had been doing much better at school, we had not given the Level progression any thought. So, it came as a bit of a surprised when Kai told us at the beginning of this week that he would make Level 3 if he went the whole week without a major incident at school.

We were excited about the possibility. But we were also a bit wary of getting carried away with our hopes. After all, a whole week without a major incident is no sure thing for a boy who was having one or more a day for much of the past year. If he achieved it, it would be because he went two months without more than two major incidents.

Each day this week, after he got home from school, we opened Kai’s backpack to see if he had had a safe day. And, until today, each day he had. We breathed a sigh of relief each time, and got a bit more hopeful by the day.

Late this morning, we spoke with Kai’s therapist at school.

No, it wasn’t bad news.

She invited us to attend the school’s weekly Community Meeting. Our son would be honored for achieving Level 3.

Of course, we wanted to attend.

And when we got to school, we found Kai helping his teacher set up for the meeting. He was smiling and in great spirits. They said that he could sit with us during the meeting. He was beaming the whole time.

During these meetings, there are a number of announcements. Kai’s progression to Level 3 would be one of the last, meaning that he would have to wait, something he has difficulty with. But, this time, he waited very nicely, mostly holding our hands the whole time.

And then it was his turned to be honored.

His therapist called him up front, announced his achievement, and handed him his certificate. Our son had achieved the milestone that appeared unattainable only a couple months ago.

Congratulations, Kai! Well done!

We could not be prouder of our son. It is truly a happy day for us.

Latest Motivator: Ickee Stikeez

Inclement weather postponed our planned miniature golf outing but we had no shortage of activities this weekend.

For our weekly Video Night, we had taco pizza in honor of Cinco de Mayo:

We also played a chemistry game that Mom brought home from Japan:

The goal of the game is to take various element cards and make molecules out of them. It was fun that Kai memorized all of the elements last year, but knowing how they come together to make molecules will be much more useful to him in the future. From just a few times playing the game, it looks like he already knows several compounds including ammonia (NH₃), Hydrogen Cyanide (HCN), and Acetylene (C₂H₂), among others.

* * * * *

Kai and I also went to the birthday party for one of his classmates. It was a pool party held at a park district pool.

I was one of the few parents who wore a swimsuit and got in the water.

Many of the parents dropped their child off. And of those who stayed, most wore street clothes, even the parents of other special needs kids.

I felt conspicuous.

My choice was because I was unsure that Kai would participate if I wasn’t there to prompt and help him. Of course, when he started off the event clinging to me, I wondered if my presence kept him from interacting with the other kids.

It wasn’t until I got him and the younger sister of the birthday boy engaged in a game of catch with a squishy football did he really have fun with another child. Bailey is younger than Kai, but can catch and throw much better than he can. But she was his perfect play partner as she interacted with him quite a bit. When the ball came to him, she would jump on him. And when she threw the ball backward to me, she and Kai would laugh and high-five each other. It was great to see them laugh and play together.

When it came time to eat, they sat next to each other. But, Kai got mad at me when I did not let him eat the pizza, as we have him on a gluten-free, dairy-free diet. Though he was happy when I made an exception and let him have a piece of the birthday cake.

* * * * *
 
When Kai’s grandmother visited us when my wife was in Japan, she gave Kai a present – funny looking, one inch-high, rubber-textured creatures with suction cups on the bottom called Ickee Stikeez. They are inexpensive (about $2.50 for a pack of three), but Kai was hooked as soon as Bubbe gave him his first ones.

It didn’t take him long to get on the Internet and research them. He found out that there are 24 characters in Series 1, and Series 2 has yet to be released. Bubbe gave him 12 of the characters, and he really wanted the rest of them.

This provided the perfect opportunity to exploit his desires motivate him.

We told him that he could earn one new Ickee Stikeez for every two times he ran a mile at the Rec Center. I never saw him so motivated to run.

This weekend, we ran on Friday afternoon, then he wanted to go right back on Saturday morning to run again so that he could earn his first new character.

On Sunday, we ran in the morning, and then he wanted to run again in the afternoon. I did not want to put my 8-year old through two-a-days so I told him that once was enough. He would have to wait until Tuesday to earn his next character as his after-school schedule on Monday would be too busy to have time to run. He did not like having to wait.

When we came back from the swim party, he insisted that he was not tired and wanted to go running again. I held firm, and he was not happy.

Mom came up with the idea to wake up earlier this morning and go running before he left for school. Kai loved the idea.

We did not want to take the time to drive over to the Rec Center. So, this morning, we all went for a run in our neighborhood.

Kai ran nicely. And he was very happy to have earned his second new Ickee.

I think he will want to run every morning this week.

Of course, with only ten more characters to earn, the morning runs won’t last for too much longer.

Kai wants to write the company and tell them to come out with Series 2. With his motivation running so strongly, I think that I may write to them, too.

Picnic at the Beach

It was a warm day in our parts yesterday. After an exceptionally warm winter, April returned to the norm, with cooler, rainy weather. So, when the sun came out yesterday and the temps warmed into the 80s, Kai asked if we could go to the beach.

It was late in the afternoon before we could leave the house, so we decided to have a picnic dinner on the beach.

When we got to the lakefront, we found only one other family there.

Kai enjoyed playing in the sand for awhile.

My wife and I tried unsuccessfully to fight off the flies. I normally don’t mind flies too much, but these were the kind that bites. I was bitten all over my feet and legs, but, for some reason, they left Kai alone.

Dark clouds started hovering over us when we started to eat our dinner. And when the first drops of rain started to fall, we decided to pack up and head back home. Frankly, I was happy to find an excuse to get away from the bugs.

Kai didn’t mind… he has a fear of thunderstorms so he was glad to leave.

Despite the bugs, it was nice to do an activity all together as a family again. With my wife having been away, and then still exhausted from her trip for the past few days, this was our first family outing in a few weeks.

Kai loved it, and can’t wait to do more this weekend. He has been looking forward to trying a new miniature golf course, as he had wanted to wait until Mom was home. He also did not want to get a new movie for our Video Nights until Mom was back.

So, I’m sure this weekend will be a fun one. Can’t wait!