San Diego Vacation – Day 2 – SeaWorld

You can’t visit San Diego with a child and not go to SeaWorld. And so, on the second day of our vacation, that’s what we did.

I wasn’t sure how long we would stay there. Kai has not had much interest in animals or aquariums in the past. But we had multi-day passes, so we were prepared to stay there for just a short time and go back on another day if necessary.

Our first stop at SeaWorld was a place where you can feed rays. Longtime readers may recall that Kai had a terrible public meltdown just last summer at the aquarium at Niagara Falls when they stopped giving out fish before he had his turn to feed the seals. Here, there were no limits, so he got to feed the rays.



It was a very cool experience. Not only could you feed them, you could see them up close and touch them. Kai loved it!



Of course, you cannot go to SeaWorld without seeing Shamu, the killer whale. After feeding the rays, we headed over to the stadium for the Shamu show and got good seats down low in the Wet Zone.

Kai is a boy with many anxieties. One of them is a fear of getting wet. And so, long before the show even started, he wanted to put on his jacket even though it was warm sitting there in the sun while we waited.



It was quite a show.



Shamu is a great performer.



And while many in the crowd got soaked, we escaped Shamu’s splash and stayed dry.



When I was a kid, Shamu was the only attraction at SeaWorld. These days there are many more things to see and do.

We saw a show with dolphins…



and one with sea lions…



and even one with dogs and cats and other animals.



Kai enjoyed all of the shows.



We ended up staying there until late in the afternoon. While we did not go on any rides because Kai did not want to, we saw everything else we wanted to see.

There were no outbursts. There was no whining. There was very little anxiety.

For one day at least, we enjoyed a day on vacation like any other family would.

And that was more spectacular than even Shamu.

Tomorrow: Legoland

Click to read about Day 1 of our vacation.

San Diego Vacation – Day 1

The morning after our Seder, we left home and began our short Spring Break trip to San Diego, California.

Kai had been looking forward to it, but he was nervous about some things.

“Is the plane going to crash?” he asked repeatedly.

No, I kept telling him. Air travel is quite safe and our plane will not crash.

We had ordered a taxi to pick us up at 6:20 AM. The night before, Kai was anxious about oversleeping.

“You and Mom wake me up at 5:30. I don’t want to be here by myself all week.”

Ha, he was worried that we would actually go to San Diego without him.

The next morning, he had no trouble waking up. He was raring to go.

At the airport, he did fine going through security, and was relatively patient while waiting to board the airplane.

When we stepped onto the plane, he peeked into the cockpit.

“Is the pilot a good one, Dad?”

Yes, Kai, the pilot is really good.

“We’re not going to crash, Dad?”

No, we’re not, I reassured him for the umpteenth time.

He was pretty good on the plane, other than loudly asking what time it was every 5 minutes. He was very concerned about how much longer it was until we landed. But mostly he enjoyed watching some of the ten DVDs we brought to keep him occupied.

When we landed in San Diego, it was sunny and warm. Ah yes!

But when we got off the shuttle at the rental car facility, I saw signs of trouble. There was a crowd of people waiting for cars.

Despite having reserved a car weeks ago, the woman at the desk told me it would be a 15 to 20 minute wait for a car. The large crowd indicated that it would longer than that.

We waited and tried to keep Kai occupied with the iPad. But after awhile he started asking questions.

“How long is it going to be before we get our car?”

I was wondering the same thing.

When the wait went past the 20-minute mark, Kai got more agitated.

“I’m getting very impatient!”

After several more minutes, he got louder.

“THIS IS A STUPID PLACE. I HATE THESE PEOPLE!”

We shooed him out of the building and hoped that waiting in the sunshine outside would calm him down.

It did not.

“I WANT TO GO HOME RIGHT NOW!”

I went back inside to make sure I didn’t miss hearing our name being called.

And after several more minutes, I did it.

I played the “autism card.”

I went up to the manager and explained to him that my son with autism has a very difficult time with waiting.

Thankfully, he was very responsive. He found a car for us.

About the time we were finishing up the paperwork, Kai came back into the building. He saw me with the manager and came over.

“I WANT A CAR RIGHT NOW!”

Yes, sir, the manager told him.

I explained to Kai that we had a car.

“GOOD!”

I tried to brighten his mood by telling him that we even got upgraded to an SUV.

We finally left the rental place and drove to our hotel where we met San Diego friends of Kai’s grandparents.

Dave and Iris took us to lunch. Dave has a very funny sense of humor, and I was glad to see that Kai got some of his humor, much like he is starting to catch on to his grandfather’s humor.

After lunch, they drove us around town, giving us a great introduction to San Diego. We drove to Pacific Beach, downtown, and then to the harbor where we got out and saw some of the ships.



About the time we got to Coronado, Kai started to get agitated.

“How much longer?” he whined.

We explained that we came all this way to see San Diego, and it was nice that Dave and Iris wanted to show us around. We were not planning to drive for long. We would not be going much farther. Still Kai’s complaints grew louder and more persistent.

“I want to go back to the hotel!”

While Kai can hold up well for day-long rides when we are traveling somewhere, he has difficulty with the notion of sightseeing. I think he just sees that as driving around without getting anywhere.

We had only one or two more places to see, but decided cut it short and head back to the hotel. I felt badly for our hosts. I’m sure they understood, but it still felt a bit rude. Iris, a retired speech therapist, did tell us that Kai delivers clear messages, and I’m pretty sure she meant that as a compliment to him.

Once back at the hotel, Kai led us to the place where they kept two blind rescued seals.



Then he wanted to use the swimming pool. We didn’t need to fly all the way to San Diego to go to a swimming pool, but I think our daily afternoon time at the pool was Kai’s favorite activity on the trip.

When he was in the water with Mom and Dad, he was a happy kid.

That evening, we had dinner at a sushi restaurant. My wife liked that the sushi met her high standards. I liked that Kai was well behaved there.

It wasn’t a perfect day. We really never have those. But we had some nice times. We had started our vacation.

Tomorrow: SeaWorld

Passover Seder

We had Kai’s grandparents over for Passover Seder yesterday.

Kai looks forward to all holidays, but this is one of his favorites. I like that he so enjoys a holiday that is not dominated by gifts. His love of this occasion is for the rituals, and spending cherished time with family.

He was very excited when his grandparents arrived. After enthusiastically greeting them, he ran to get his magnetic Hebrew alphabet characters.

Then he wanted to help Bubbe set up the Seder plate.

The first couple years we celebrated Passover, Kai had a wide-eyed fascination with all of the rituals of the Seder. Now, he is so familiar with them, and looks forward with anticipation.

In previous years, Bubbe explained to Kai the different parts of the Seder plate. This year Kai was telling her what needed to go on the plate. He wasn’t so much helping as he was directing and doing.



Papa asked Kai if he would assist while Papa led the Seder. Kai agreed.

But when we got started, Kai kind of took over, reading the Haggadah and going through all the steps.

He directed us to have the first glass of wine, or cup of grape juice in our case.



He pointed out the parts of the Seder plate.



He really enjoyed dipping the parsley in salt water.



When he got to the Ten Plagues, he was ready with the finger and hand puppets that he had from previous years.



We had dinner, and then it was time to find the afikoman. Usually an adult usually does that while the kids compete to find it for a reward. But this time Kai wanted to hide it. And when Papa found it, he got the reward of a big hug from Kai.



Aside from all the Seder rituals, what I enjoyed the most was seeing Kai interact with his grandparents. He is recognizing his grandfather’s humor more and more. I remember when Kai was younger, Kai would have a puzzled expression on his face and we would have to explain that Papa was kidding. These days he is likely to laugh and say, “No, Papa. You’re joking.”

And so we had a wonderful Passover. Hopefully you had a nice one, too.

The Haircut

Yesterday will forever be remembered at our house as the day that Kai got The Haircut.

My wife has been cutting my hair and Kai’s hair at home for several years now. It saves money, as well as the agony of taking Kai to the barbershop.

We try to make the experience somewhat fun for Kai. Mom’s Barbershop has music, and Kai has the job of sweeping up my hair as Mom works on me. Then it is his turn.

We use electric hair clippers, as it is much faster and easier than scissors. You just attach the glide that adjusts for the length you want the hair to be cut. Then, you turn it on and comb it through the hair. After one or two passes through each part of the head, the haircut is done.

Yesterday, Kai and I were watching the NASCAR race on television. It looked like it might end around the time we usually have our haircuts, so Kai decided he wanted his cut earlier so that he would be sure to see the end of the race.

My wife was napping, but Kai got her up to open up the barbershop.

While he usually wants me to get cut first, yesterday he insisted that he go first as he wanted to get back to the race as soon as possible.

As he sat down in the chair, I went to get a broom and dustpan.

I heard my wife scream.

“AAAAAAAKKKKK!!!!!!!”

I ran back to the bathroom where we do the haircuts.

Kai was concerned.

“What? What is it, Mom?”

My wife was excited.

“I’m so sorry! I forgot to put the clip on.”

I saw that she had cut a swatch up the side of Kai’s head. Without the glide adjustment, his hair was shaved down to the skin.

Kai started to get upset.

“WHEN IS MY HAIR GROWING BACK?”

My wife kept apologizing, and said she was still sleepy from her nap, but I think that only made Kai more upset.

“I WANT MY HAIR!”

He started crying.

“MOM, YOU ARE NEVER CUTTING MY HAIR AGAIN!”

My wife hugged Kai, repeatedly apologizing.

This sounds a bit insensitive, but we were both struggling to contain laughter. After all, Kai looked silly with that bald swatch. And it was kind of funny that he was so upset about it.

Here is a boy who constantly puts his clothes on backward, who shows his underwear when he doesn’t pull his pants all the way up, who wipes his dirty hands on his shirts, and through all of it, never seems to care how he looks.

But he was upset now.

I told him that I could fix his hair. In reality, I was trying to think fast what we could do.

I debated between shaving his entire head and giving him a shaved-head look, or just cutting both sides short and giving him a Mohawk or Faux Hawk or whatever they call that style.

I chose the latter.

He did not want to get back in the chair. He did not want anyone taking clippers to his hair any more.

I instructed my wife to quit apologizing and instead to reassure Kai. We both told him that I would give him a cool style.

Kai has a college-age cousin that he looks up to. Kiyoshi always has a unique hairstyle. We told Kai that we would give him a look similar to his fashionable cousin.

We finally got him to sit back down and I got started with the clippers.

I shaved the side of the head that had the bald spot. For some reason, I could not quite cut down that close to the skin so you can still see the original cut. But I was able to make it look like it was planned rather than a big mistake. I then cut the other side short, though I did not have the heart to cut it down to the skin. I trimmed the top but left it long.

Here is the result:





Afterward, we still had time to watch the very exciting finish to the NASCAR race. I did my own animated play-by-play of the finish, both because it was so exciting, and to get Kai’s mind off his head.

He was mostly happy the rest of the afternoon and evening. Though he still asked how long it would be before his hair looked normal again.

We will be telling all of our relatives and his teachers to tell Kai how great he looks with his cool hairstyle.

And I will try not to laugh whenever I look at him.

This is the kind of thing that we will laugh about for years to come, I hope.

Just not too much right now.

Puppy Love

Kai’s little friend Haribo, the tiny Chihuahua, is still with us. Her owner called from overseas and told us that his business trip has been extended. So, Haribo is staying with us longer than expected.

I don’t think that Kai minds.

Whenever I arrive home in the evening, I almost always see him sitting together with Haribo on the bean bag chair in our kitchen.



They are often together like that after dinner, too.

Last night, while I was washing dishes, I heard Kai speaking to Haribo.

“Haribo, you’re my sweetheart. I love you!”

Haha, it’s nice to see him so attached to his little companion. For a boy who has no real friends to speak of outside of school, his canine friend has stimulated his communications and interactions nicely.

Funny what love will do.

Spirit Week

It’s been Spirit Week at my son’s school. The student council picked a theme for each day.

Monday was ‘Dress Backwards’ day. For the longest time, Kai put his shirts on backward more often than not. I never really understood how he could memorize the Hebrew alphabet but could never remember which side of his shirt needs to be in front.

Anyway, he doesn’t seem to do that so often anymore, and we forgot that Monday was supposed to be this special day, so he went to school dressed normally. Ha, I think ‘Mr. Backwards’ ended up being backward as he probably was the only kid who wore his shirt right side forward.

Tuesday was ‘Pirate or Cowboy’ day. Back in the day when I was a boy, if we had a day like this, everyone would have been a cowboy. But pirates seem all the rage these days.

When Kai was three years old, we all dressed as pirates for Halloween.



He doesn’t fit into his old costume, of course. But he looked pretty good in my old costume, don’t you think?



My wife told me that she asked Kai to put on his glasses before he left for school but he did not want to.

“Mom, pirates don’t wear glasses.”

Ha, good point.

Unfortunately, his good nature did not last long. At one point during the day, he got angry and snapped off the necklace. And when the beads spilled all over the floor, it only made him more upset. It did not quite escalate into a major incident, though.

That happened the next day.

Yesterday was ‘Dress Wild’ day. My wife repurposed another Halloween costume, this one from back when Kai was five years old.



He still fit into this costume, though we have no photos from this time.

While Kai was dressed somewhat wildly, his behavior apparent was even wilder.

We still don’t know the precisely what happened, but it sounds like Kai angrily threw a ball at a staff member, and it wasn’t in a nice way.

When I spoke to my wife on the phone on my way to the train station, she was worn out from dealing with Kai when he came home from school. He refused to go to his speech therapy session.

One nice consequence about working downtown is that I can prepare to deal with things on my train ride home instead of having to deal with eruptions on the spot. When I arrived home, Kai was still in his room, lying on his bed. I went up to his room to talk to him.

I calmly tried to get him to talk about what happened. He said he did not want to talk about school, and only said that he did not want to go to that school anymore. I did not push him to say much more, but did say that sometimes it helps to talk about unpleasant things.

As I often do when he has bad days, I told him that he should learn from this one and make the next day a better one.

After awhile he said he wanted to read a book together. And several minutes later, he was ready to come down to the kitchen to have dinner.

I’m sure that he is better able to control his emotions than he used to. His recovery periods are shorter than they used to be.

I have learned a little bit along the way, too. At least on this occasion, I didn’t let my own frustration and anger exacerbate the situation as I too often did before.

Today’s Spirit Week theme is ‘Blast from the Past.’ I only hope that it doesn’t bring with it a blast of anger from Kai.

Skate Show Practice – Two Years Later

My son has been enrolled in our local special needs ice skating class for three winters now.

The first time he took the class, we signed him up to participate with his group in the ice show that was held in the spring. The experience of the ice show itself was surprisingly good, but I still recoil every time I think of the practices for the show.

Kai hated the practices. They were long. They were boring. They mostly required that he stand and listen to the instructor give instructions, and then methodically do all the movements instructed. Kai often ended up lying on the ice, refusing to move.

The group photo for the show accurately reflects his demeanor on the ice.



I was somewhat relieved last year when his skating class did not participate in the ice show.

But this year, they will be in it once again.

I asked Kai if he wanted to be in the show. I told him that he did not have to participate, but if he said he did, he would have to attend the 8AM practices without complaint, listen to the teacher, and participate nicely.

He grouchily said, “OKAY, I’LL DO IT!” as if I was forcing him to.

I calmly repeated that he did not have to do the show, and he again said that he would.

This past Saturday morning was his first practice session.

After a short free skate warmup, the instructor gathered the young skaters together and walked them through the routine.

I kept waiting for Kai to explode.

But he did not.

And, actually, he seemed to enjoy it.

I could see him raising his arms up when the instructor did.

I could see him clapping in unison to the music.

Why, he was having fun, wasn’t he?

And afterward, he even admitted it.

Don't you like it when expected torture turns out to be fun?

Here’s hoping it will stay like that for the remaining practices.

Reading Comprehension, Life Comprehension

As is our usual bedtime custom, my son and I were reading the other evening. It was the day that he had his major incident at school, so he was still feeling glum. Instead of reading himself, Kai wanted me to read to him.

He picked a book we got from the library, one of the Fox series written by noted children’s author, James Marshall.

I read aloud.

The story begins with Fox’s mother asking him to take his little sister to the park. Fox does not want to go; he wants to stay home and watch tv instead. But his mother insists so he reluctantly went. At the park, he meets a beautiful girl fox. She thought it was wonderful that Fox took his little sister to the park. Fox said of course, he loves to do that. His sister rolls her eyes.

I stopped and asked Kai why Fox’s sister rolled her eyes. He did not know, he said.

I asked him what Fox said right before she rolled her eyes. I had to point out the passage and Kai read the part about Fox saying that he enjoyed bringing his sister to the park.

I again asked Kai why his sister rolled her eyes at that. Still, he did not know.

I asked him if Fox really wanted to take his sister to the park. Yes, said Kai.

I went back to the earlier passage that indicated that his mother had to force him to take his sister to the park. Kai still had trouble putting it all together. I ended up explaining the whole thing to him.

Kai is a good reader when it comes to knowing the words. But as this one example shows, even seemingly simple aspects of stories are hard for him to comprehend.

* * * * *
At dinnertime, my wife and I always have Kai talk about his day at school. Oftentimes he will express anger at a teacher or student.

“David is mean.”

Why is that?

“He’s a bully.”

What did he do?

He got to use the computer.

Oh, so you are angry that he got to use the computer?

“Yes.”

Did you get to use the computer?

“No.”

It takes awhile, but we piece together that Kai misbehaved and lost his privilege to use the computer at break time. The other boy got to use the computer, which made Kai mad.

It was all the result of his own action. But Kai does not seem to understand that. In his mind, the other boy was mean, and that is that.

* * * * *
After seeing Kai’s difficulty in answering the simple questions about the bedtime story the other night, I realized that the same difficulty he has in comprehending the story was also affecting his reasoning skills when it came to real-life events.

He can’t put two and two together to understand that his own actions are what cause some of his worst moments.

Until he can, I think it will always be a challenge to get him to accept responsibility for his actions. Until then, while his anger is seen less often than before, I think we will continue to see the type of inappropriate behaviors that he did the other day.

So, this is our mission.

It’s not just about reading comprehension. It’s about his life.

So Close, Yet So Far

Three more days.

My son just had to go without a major incident at school for three more days and he would have attained Level 4.

It looked like he had come precariously close to a major incident on Monday. His daily point sheet indicated that he had several bad periods that day, beginning with 3rd period when he had PE.

When we asked him what happened at school that day, Kai started out, as he often does, complaining how a teacher had been mean to him because she took away a privilege of using the computer at break time.

Well, why did she do that, we wondered.

With Kai, answers to questions come slowly, if at all. When the topic is something unpleasant, like a bad day at school, you have to be especially persistent and/or patient to piece together what happened.

Eventually he told us that he had to make up work during break. And why did he have to make up work?

Because he had gotten a timeout.

And why did he get a timeout?

Because he was upset at missing part of PE.

Why did he miss part of PE?

Because it was raining. And so he did not want to go outside (to walk over to the gym in another building).

So, all because of a little rain, and his anxiety about going out in it, one thing led to another and he had a bad day at school.

But, he managed to control himself enough to not let it escalate it into a major incident.

On that day.

But then there is today.

Kai’s social worker at school emailed us the bad news. He had a major incident.

It started out when he got upset about missing the beginning of recess. We haven’t yet learned the details as to why he missed it, but I’m sure it was something that he did.

We did hear what happened afterward.

He went to the bathroom and urinated all over the room in anger.

It is not the first time he’s done that.

So, that’s it. He will not achieve Level 4 for now.

His social worker reported that he was extremely disappointed later when he realized that his actions had cost him his achievement. And my wife reports that he was very glum when he came home from school this afternoon.

I’d like to think that this is a huge learning experience for him. That he will realize that he needs to make better choices.

But I’m not sure he will.

Oftentimes he just blames others, usually his teachers, for doing something to make him upset.

And so, this time we came very close to a milestone.

But Kai’s continuing anger issues make me think that we still have very far to go.

A Splashing Good Time

I had planned on taking Kai running yesterday morning. Although he has been doing more exercises with Mom lately, it has been a long time since he and I were running regularly. So soon after he woke up, I asked him if he would go running with me and he agreed.

But by the time I got home from the gym after my workout, he had changed his mind.

“My stomach hurts,” he said.

I pretty much figured that was just an excuse, but after our experience at the waterpark a few weeks ago, I decided not to push it. Even if he didn’t throw up, I didn’t have the energy for enduring the ordeal that surely would have ensued had I tried to get him to run when his heart wasn’t in it.

So, instead, we joined Mom as she took the dogs out for a walk.

I took the leash for Taro, a puppy Poodle, while my wife walked with Haribo, the tiny Chihuahua. Sometimes Kai likes to hold a leash but on this day he just wanted to walk without holding a dog.

We had had a lot of snow in our area over the past few weeks, but warmer weather this weekend meant that it was starting to melt.

There were many large puddles along our walking trail.

Haribo is a little princess when it comes to getting her tiny paws wet; she halts and waits for my wife to pick her up and carry over puddles of water or mounds of snow.

Taro, on the other hand, is a true little boy, who loves splashing through the water.

The first time Taro ran through a puddle, Kai laughed and then joyously joined in.

I normally scold Kai about going through a puddle when he could easily step around.

But I saw the joy in his face, and spotted an opportunity.

Rather than restraining Taro, I ran with him as he pulled me to the next puddle. Kai eagerly followed. And he was laughing the whole time.

And then it was on to the next puddle.

Running, splashing, laughing.

And when we got too far ahead, we waited for Mom and Haribo to catch up.

I got Kai to do the equivalent of wind sprints, but he didn’t mind at all. We probably ran further and faster than if we had just gone running as I had originally planned.

By the time we got home, both dog and boy were soaking wet from the legs down. But both were very happy.



Later, Kai figured out that he had done exercise.

“Dad, I ran a lot this morning.”

He wanted little Trashie toy that I would have given him had he gone running.

I told him that he doesn’t earn a reward for just having fun. He seemed okay with that.

After all, it was a lot of fun.

For me, too.

Ear Plugs

My son has a long history of sleep problems.

Back when I worked from home, I was usually the one who would get out of bed in the middle of the night when Kai knocked on our bedroom door because he couldn’t sleep. I’d take him back to his room and tucked him in, and many times I ended up sleeping in the extra bed in his bedroom rather than continuing to get up when he still couldn’t sleep.

When I started commuting to work downtown, my wife told Kai that he would have to stay in bed as Dad would be too tired to wake up every night, and that he is such a sound sleeper that she would not hear him.

That seemed to work for a little while, as Kai stopped knocking on our bedroom door for a period of time.

But the past few months, the problem has re-emerged, and it’s now as bad as before. And now it’s my wife who usually gets up for Kai.

We have not been successful at finding a way for Kai to sleep better, so we have tried giving him incentives to not disturb us when he awakens in the middle of the night. He can earn 200 points for our Point Store every time he goes through the night without knocking.

But sometimes even that is not enough.

Sometimes he wants comfort after having a bad dream.

Other times he gets anxious after hearing noises outside.

“I can’t sleep.”

Why not?

“Those noises bother me.”

What noises? I don’t hear any noises.

“THOSE NOISES!”

Kai’s hearing is a lot more sensitive than ours. He hears snow plows, the wind, trucks traveling down the road a block away, and many other things.

And the problem isn’t so much that he hears those noises, but he becomes anxious when he does.

Ideally, we want him to be less anxious. And we are working on that.

But in the meantime, his therapist at school recommended we try ear plugs.



Personally, I hate ear plugs. I find them uncomfortable. I don’t like the feeling of them in my ears.

But we were surprised when Kai agreed to try them.

And even more surprised when he didn’t hate them right away.

The first night, he actually slept through the night. I don’t know if the ear plugs had anything to do with it since they fell out overnight. But perhaps he was less anxious because he had them.

Alas, the next night he was back to waking us up.

His leg hurt, he said.

Sigh.

He frequently complains of various aches and pains. Sometimes it is hard to believe that they are real problems.

But that is a topic for another day.

Maybe I need to try the ear plugs to see if it blocks out the sound of Kai trying to wake us up at 2AM.

Letting You In On A Secret

When my son got home from school the other day, he said to my wife, “Mom, I have a secret.

“If I stay safe for 11 more days, I will make Level 4.”

Regular readers know that my son attends a public therapeutic school for kids with social and emotional challenges that result in behavior issues. The school employs a level system where students enter at Level 1, and progress by exhibiting good behavior. Attaining each subsequent level is harder than the previous one. When a student reaches Level 5, they may begin the process to transition back to their home school if their parents so choose.

After entering the school in the middle of his kindergarten year, it took Kai more than nine months to make it to Level 2, and then another 18 months to get to Level 3 where he is now. This past October, Kai was on the verge of reaching Level 4. But then he had a major incident, and then a few more. We haven’t given a level change too much thought since.

But Kai had a safe month in January, and did pretty well in February, too. So the news that he was getting close to this milestone was not a complete surprise.

When I got home from work that day, my wife asked Kai if he wanted to tell me his secret. I was very happy that he shared his news with me.

Two days later, he earned a 100% on his daily point sheet, indicating that not only did he stay safe, but also was respectful to the staff, which has been something he’s needed to work on. In addition, he earned a Student of the Week recognition for only the second time in the past six months.

So, we are happy that things are going well right now.

But we’ve been here before.

Let’s see if Kai can put together two more good weeks and then we’ll talk.

But, please, don’t tell anyone yet. It’s a secret.

Kai’s New Little Friend

I walked in the door when I got home from work yesterday evening. I immediately heard Kai talking to someone.

“I want to introduce you to my dad.”

And when I walked into the kitchen, this is what I saw.



Kai was with his new little friend, a tiny Chihuahua that is the latest dog to stay with us.

Kai has liked every dog that has come our way. But Haribo is the first one that he has held for extended periods of time. And the first one he has spoken to.

My wife reported that when Kai got home from school today, he and Haribo snuggled together on the couch.



And this evening, after dinner, Kai called my wife back to the kitchen.

“Mom, come here. Haribo is so cute.”

Haribo had burrowed herself under a blanket. She was cute under there.

And so was Kai when he joined her under the blanket a few moments later.

Snippets from the Weekend

Back to a normal weekend after the piano recital and trip to Wisconsin Dells last weekend. There weren’t any big moments this weekend, but several little ones of note.

Kai has his special needs ice skating class on Saturday mornings. Children skate with a buddy who gives them a little instruction along with companionship. Kai’s buddy this year is a junior high student who is very friendly and nice to him.

As I watch them skate around the rink, I see Erica constantly talking to Kai. I rarely see him talking her.

I feel a bit sorry for Erica. I don’t know how much she understands about Kai’s special need and hopes that she is not taking his non-communicative behavior personally. I think she does understand that communication is one of his big challenges as she keeps plucking away each week, which I really appreciate.

After this week’s session, I asked Kai what she and Erica were talking about on the ice.

“I hate talking!” he huffed. And then he refused to say any more about it.

Sigh.

At home he will talk non-stop about Legos or Trashies or anything of interest to him, so it’s not that he hates talking. But a two-way communication, particularly with someone he is not as familiar with? That he hates.

We still have work to do.

*****
Kai and I planned to watch the Daytona 500 together yesterday. I wasn’t sure what time the race would start so I turned on the television to see how far along they were with the pre-race show. I could tell that they still had a ways to go until the race would begin, so I suggested turning off the tv.

Kai piped up. “It’s okay, Dad. You just have to be patient.”

My boy lecturing me on patience; ha!

We ended up watching the entire race, which will please his PE teacher at school.

Watching the race together was nice, but since when have they had so many commercials for erectile dysfunction products on NASCAR? Kai takes note of many commercials these days, often asking questions like ‘what is that product?’. I debated whether to turn off the tv during these commercials, but decided that it would only call attention to them. I was relieved that on this afternoon, I did not have to answer “Dad, what is sexual activity?”

*****
A similar experience occurred while we watched the Academy Awards. I used to enjoy watching the Oscars, back in the days when I used to see the movies that were nominated. But since becoming a family man, we have never sat down to watch the show together.

Yesterday, when Mom had one of the red carpet shows on, Kai was interested so we decided to watch. Though I think his initial interest was due to a misunderstanding. He kept saying something about Sesame Street. He often does not speak clearly so I had no idea why he was talking about Sesame Street. Finally my wife figured it out: Oscar from Sesame Street! We had to explain that this was a different Oscar.

I regretted letting Kai watch when Seth MacFarlane started to sing about “Boobs.” My son thought it was funny, though I couldn’t tell if he really understood what the song was about. My response, once again, was to squirm uncomfortably, ignore it, and hope that it ended soon.

I was a bit relieved when the host went on to his Sock Puppets bit, which was very funny and much more family friendly. Kai spent much of the rest of the evening asking me to replay it on his iPad. I tried to explain that it wasn’t a real commercial so it would not be on YouTube. He didn’t like that answer. But about a half hour later, I found that someone had already posted the opening monologue online and we watched the Sock Puppets once more.

*****
And finally, the photo of the weekend. We had several inches of snow late last week so we were able to go sledding.



Kai still prefers to go on the very small hill in our neighborhood instead of the taller one.

We usually only see toddlers on this baby hill. But Kai gets very anxious at the thought of going down to the big hill. And while I tried to get him to go down that big hill a couple years ago, I’ve let him have his fun on the small hill since. But this time I told him that this was the last year for the small hill.

Starting next winter, he graduates to the big hill, like it or not. I want to see him grow up when it comes to conquering his anxieties. Though when it comes to learning about ED or boobs, not so much.

A Blast of Anxiety

As a parent, how do you know how much you should push your child to go beyond their comfort zone? When do you know that you have gone too far?

Sometimes you learn the hard way.

This year, we did not have a big birthday party for Kai. Instead, we decided to go to Wisconsin Dells.

Wisconsin Dells bills itself as the “Waterpark Capital of the World,” and driving along the main strip, it seems a bit like a children’s version of Las Vegas with its many mini golf courses, amusement parks, and boat rides along with all the numerous waterparks. Being winter, most of these attractions were closed, but we stayed at one of the largest indoor waterparks.

With Kai’s recital on Saturday, we left home on Sunday morning and arrived at the waterpark early in the afternoon. The three-day weekend meant that we could still enjoy more than a full day and night there.

We have now gone to several waterparks with Kai and the experience is usually pretty similar. He starts out being very nervous and wants to do the lazy river first as it is not at all scary to him. After that, it takes a lot of cajoling to get him to go down a waterslide. If we are lucky, he will go down the slide, have fun, and want to do it over and over.

This time was not much different. We started with the lazy river, and then did three tube slides. I was a bit disappointed that he did not want to do more. Perhaps all the waiting in line for the slides dampened Kai’s enthusiasm. And he probably just really wanted to go to the indoor theme park that was in another part of the resort.

As this trip was his birthday present, I went along with his wishes. But I told him that we would come back to the waterpark the next morning to do the last tube slide that we had not yet tried.

The rest of the afternoon we played mini golf, rode go-karts, and played in the arcade. Not surprisingly, Kai later said that the mini golf was the favorite part of the weekend.

We brought dinner back to our room, then went to the resort’s bowling alley and bowled one game before calling it a night.

The next morning, we had time to go to the waterpark for about an hour before returning to our room to shower and check out.

My wife and I decided that we would get to the waterpark right as it opened. We wanted to try the one tube slide we had not yet done. Master Blaster is described as an uphill roller coaster waterslide. The lines for it the day before had been long, so we thought it would be smart to go there first to avoid the crowd.

When we entered the waterpark, my wife walked quickly toward the ride. Kai did not walk so fast.

He kept saying, “I’m scared!”

I held his hand and tried to reassure him that it was not scary. Although the concept of a water roller coaster sounds frightening, I really did not think that it would be scarier than the other slides we had done.

“I want to do a relaxing ride first.”

I explained how we would do this ride first and then we would do the lazy river.

As we finally got to the slide, Kai grew even more anxious. He climbed the stairs very slowly.

I told him that he would have fun and pulled him along.

As we neared the top, we caught up with Mom, who was waiting for us.

Kai said, “I feel sick.”

Kai often says that when he wants to get out of doing something.

I was getting a little irritated that he was resisting so much.

As I was about to tell him that he would be fine, it happened.

He threw up.

A lot.

In that moment, Master Blaster had taken on a whole different meaning as Kai blasted his vomit out all over the platform.

I notified a nearby employee about what my son did, and then we rushed Kai down the stairs and found the nearest bathroom.

He did not vomit any more. I cleaned him up. He said he felt fine.

He said he wanted to do a relaxing ride.

We told him that we could just sit for a while, but he really wanted to do the lazy river. This time, we listened to him.

As a parent, I find it difficult sometimes, to judge how hard to push your child.

In Kai’s case, he has anxiety about so many things. I want him to get over his anxieties, and one way to do that, I think, is by having him experience things he wouldn’t choose to do on his own. The theory being that if he could go beyond his comfort zone, perhaps he will eventually get less anxious about those things.

In hindsight, in this case, we should have done the “relaxing ride” first. Then maybe he would have reduced his anxiety just enough to try the new slide.

Live and learn, I know.

I'm sure I will push him to do more again, but hopefully I’ll remember the Master Blaster and back off before he literally blasts out his anxiety.

Kai’s First Piano Recital

It is a testament to Kai’s overall progress that my wife and I decided to let him perform in a piano recital. But it speaks to how far he still needs to go that we were very nervous about how it would turn out.

Kai has been taking piano lessons for over four years now. When we first decided to sign him up for lessons, I think my wife was hoping that he would turn out to be a piano prodigy. At that point in Kai’s development, with his struggles in behavior and school, I think she was hoping to find something that he would be particularly good at.

Alas, Kai did not possess extraordinary talents at playing the piano. And in the subsequent months and years, there were several times when my wife wanted to stop the lessons as Kai too often resisted practicing, gave his instructor a difficult time, or just goofed around instead of playing nicely. I didn’t want to see him quit; not because I thought he could ever become a virtuoso, but because I hate to see him quit at anything.

With a little encouragement from me, but mostly from rebuilding her own resolve, my wife pressed forward each time with teaching Kai how to play the piano. The teacher came over once a week and patiently taught Kai how to play. But I have no doubt that my wife’s persistence and instruction during the week was just as much of the reason for Kai’s progress.

Two years ago, Kai’s teacher held a recital for his students. At that time, we did not want to take the risk of signing him up to perform. But we nervously attended with Kai so we all could see what it was like.

At that recital, we weren’t sure how long Kai would sit still so we talked to him about proper behavior, and then grabbed a seat near the back in case we needed to make a quick getaway.

Almost immediately as the first child started to play, Kai started to fuss.

“I can’t see!”

I tried to shush him but he persisted. When that child finished playing, we got up out of our seats and found an open area near the front, off to the side, where we could sit on the floor and clearly see the performer.

And there we sat where Kai politely, well, mostly, watched the performers. He had done okay watching. Perhaps one day he would play.

This year, his teacher asked if we would like Kai to perform in the recital. Hmm, could he handle the pressure? Would some little thing set him off and cause a public meltdown?

We decided to go for it.

He chose one of his favorite songs to play, Night of the Tarantella.

The practices in the past couple of weeks gave us more cause for concern. My wife was constantly pointing out the things he needed to do better.

“The first part is staccato; you have to play with more force.”

“Don’t play too fast.”

“Don’t forget to press the pedal.”

“Hold the last note for five seconds.”

Kai doesn’t take criticism well. He gets angry when anyone points out something he is doing incorrectly. And so, these practices have been stressful. And as a result, our stress about what would happen at the recital grew as well.

The day of the recital finally arrived.

This morning, Kai was grumpy at his ice skating class, complaining that his ankle was hurting. When he came home, he barely said much to his grandmother who telephoned. He later got upset when he thought he lost a piece to a new game he got for his birthday.

All the makings of a disaster were in place.

After lunch, we drove to the site of the recital and got there a few minutes early. Kai got a chance to try out the keys and pedals of the unfamiliar piano.



He would be the fourth performer. Kai sat nicely as he listened to the first three kids.

And then it was his turn…



He did well. Ha, he even held that last note!

My wife and I simultaneously breathed a huge sigh of relief and beamed big smiles.

Great job, Kai! We are very proud.

Sweetheart of a Day

My son looks forward to all special occasions and Valentine’s Day is no exception.

For the past couple of days, he has worked here and there to make Valentines for his classmates and teachers.

In addition, he really wanted to get Sweethearts candies to give to each person as well.

As Kai is on a GFCF diet, and just a healthy diet in general, he does not eat much candy. He can’t have most chocolate candies as they have milk in them, and he does not really like sweet candy anyway.

But he does like Sweethearts candy on Valentine’s Day.

Sweethearts are those small heart-shaped candies with the little messages printed on them. Kai doesn’t really like the taste of them; in fact, he hardly eats them. He just likes reading the messages.

“Be mine.”

“Crazy 4U.”

“Soul mate.”

“Time 2 dance.”

Last year his mentors from school brought over a box of Sweethearts to use for a Valentine’s craft project. But, they had bought a Spanish version by mistake. Kai didn’t mind, though. He had just as much enjoyment reading the Spanish phrases.

“Hola.”

“Te amo.”

“Mi amor.”

Mom had not yet gotten the Sweethearts so after his therapy yesterday afternoon, they went to the drugstore together to buy mini-boxes for each classmate. Kai came home and taped them to the back of each Valentine he had made, saving one for himself.

I don’t know what kind of celebration they will have at school today, but I can just hear Kai’s laugh as each student reads their Sweethearts messages.

“Tweet me.”

*****
Longtime readers may recall why Valentine’s Day is not just a Hallmark holiday around here. For you newer readers, click here to read the column I wrote a year ago, and find out what happened nine years ago.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Birthday Celebration

Kai’s grandparents were in town so we had an early birthday celebration for him.

We were to meet them at the Lego store where Kai would get to pick out a set of his choice.

We are still working on teaching Kai to be more appreciative and less greedy. Before we left home, my wife and I spoke to Kai that he could have one set, and to not ask for any more. We reminded him that he had just gotten two Lego sets from our trip to Legoland last weekend, and he would likely be getting additional birthday presents as well.

At the store, he greeted his grandparents with hugs, and then set about the store. A Star Wars set caught his eye. That was the one he wanted, he said.

But then he saw something else, and he wanted that one, too. The Star Wars set he saw first was an expensive one. I didn’t want him asking his grandparents for more.

Kai wasn’t happy that he couldn’t have the Chima set, too. I wasn’t happy that he had already forgotten the talk we had with him.

Bubbe came over to talk to him.

She told him that if she bought everything now, she wouldn’t have anything to get him the next time she was in town. Kai pondered that for a second.

“When are you coming next?”

And that made me laugh, just a little.

I was even happier that Kai stopped making a fuss about wanting more. He finally was genuinely appreciative of the gift he received.

And when we got home, he started to work on his new set right away.

And later we had dinner together, with cake, of course.

After that, he got to open one more gift, this one a special one from his grandfather. Kai was able to guess what it was: tins! He had Mom bring the rest of his collection downstairs so he could see all of them at once.

And with that, we had a very nice birthday celebration.

My wife told Kai that she did not have grandparents, and that he is a very lucky boy to have so many grandparents.

And so he is. And not just because of presents he gets, but from all of the love they show him. That is priceless.

Element Face-Off

My son’s school sent home the following in his backpack the other day.

Kai had drawn it during break time.

Recently, Kai has had a renewed interest in the periodic table that he first learned two years ago. His current interest has been sparked by his recent accumulation of element flash cards when he does the online Thinkwell math program.

Kai enjoys the pictures on these flash cards, but I wondered whether he was learning any of the information on the back of the cards. Sure, he learned the symbols and atomic numbers for all of the elements from long ago, but did he know anything else about them.

On his last birthday, Kai received a Jeopardy-style quiz game from his grandmother. These days, he asks me to make up new questions based on the information from his flash cards. Then, with me playing the Alex Trebek role, he squares off against Mom.

Which element is named in honor of the German state of Hesse?

What acts as the positive half of many batteries?

Which alkali metal aids nerve function, allowing the brain to transmit information back to the muscles?

Which noble gas gives off a distinct reddish-orange glow?

Which element was named after the creator of the periodic table?

My wife is reluctant to play these games as she knows how it will go. Still, Kai really wanted her to play so he gave her a handicap – she could look at the flash cards to help answer the questions.

While that was generous of him, the outcome did not change. Kai won, 430 to 120.

We worry about Kai’s reading comprehension. But when it comes to learning facts on the back of flash cards, he seems to be doing okay.



The answers to the above questions, in order, are:
Hassium, Lithium, Potassium, Neon, Mendelevium

How did you do?

Extra points for every element you can identify on Kai's drawing, with bonus points for telling the reason behind each particular element picture.

Anxiety, Perspective, and Legoland

As I wrote last week, my son had a Safe Month at school in January. But he still had to be safe for one more day to earn a special incentive for staying safe 25 consecutive school days: a trip to our local area Legoland.

My wife and I held our breath all day Friday. And when Kai came home in the taxi, my wife went out to greet him. She opened the door of the cab and saw Kai crying profusely.

Oh no! He must not have made it. He wasn’t safe. And there went the Legoland reward.

Except that wasn’t why he was upset. He had been safe at school.

But he was mad that the driver had dropped off another boy first.

And such is the life with a boy who gets upset over the seemingly smallest things.

My wife explained to Kai that Jacob deserved a turn to get dropped off first. But she also understood that this new taxi driver changed things up without the staff at school being able to prepare Kai ahead of time. Sigh. My wife made a mental note to talk to Kai’s therapist this morning.

We hit another bump in the road early the next morning. Snow plows were clearing our street for the first time this season. Kai heard the noise, and woke us up. He was scared.

I explained that it was just the trucks plowing the snow and he had nothing to be scared of. But he was scared anyway and could not sleep.

We have been working with Kai to get him to stay in his bed and not wake us in the middle of the night. He had accumulated a number of points and was on the verge of earning a desired toy. I told him that he would have to wait (at least) one more night to get his reward.

I can already hear some of you quietly expressing that I should have given it to him anyway. But if I made an exception for snow plows, the next time it would be for garbage trucks or a honking horn or whatever. I wanted to hold the line. Kai was not happy about that.

“I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW!”

It’s only one more night.

“WHAT IF THE SNOW PLOWS GO BY AGAIN?”

There is nothing to be scared of. Stay in bed.

“I’LL SLEEP THIS AFTERNOON INSTEAD!”

Well, then we won’t be able to go to Legoland.

“I DON’T WANT TO GO TO LEGOLAND!”

This went on for quite some time. But eventually I got him calmed down by the prospect of earning a Trashie for doing exercise.

And once he had his Trash Pack Fizz Bag, he was all smiles.

We made it to Legoland later that morning.

We saw the amazing Lego figures, like Darth Vader.

We sat in on a workshop where they taught us how to build T Rex.

We watched the 3D movie, which was my favorite part.

And my wife and Kai rode on this…

Although Kai was one of the oldest kids there, he was the only one I heard screaming during the ride, “TOO HIGH!” as he clutched my wife’s arm and tried to get her not to make the ride go up.

Later, he got to pick out one new Lego set for his Safe Month, and another as an early birthday present. And when we got home, he set to work on one right away.

He finished that in less than a day, and then started on the next one as the Super Bowl was about to start.

And though he barely watched any of the game, getting to work on his Lego while eating chips and salsa made for a grand time.

“I love the Super Bowl!” he told us at bedtime.

Ha, I loved that he had a really nice time this weekend.